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I have been with my husband since I was 15 and he was my first. When we first started having sex everything was great and I was always in the mood. Ever since I had my first child I haven't been able to get in the mood and it has just about disappeared since my second child. We have tried everything toys and oral but nothing works.
First off, let me welcome you to AMHD!
Well, there are many things, but we must start looking at your age now!!
How old is your first child? Second?
There are many many reasons, and you will get some great advice here.
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Originally Posted by J_9
My first child is 3 and second is 15 months
Ah, you have your hands full. Could possibly be the problem. You do not mention your age, could be hormonal.
Have you and hubby tried a date night once a week? Find a sitter, parents, whatever, go to dinner and a movie... just like old times.
Do you work or stay at home? Being a mommy is really stressful work.. you should also find time for yourself. I call it "Me Time"
I need Me Time so that I can feel good about me for a few minutes a day. You have to refresh your mind as well as your body.
Also, a little known psychology trick... Do not have pictures of the kids in your bedroom. This can subconsciously put you right out of the mood.
Is hubby affectionate at all? How about just watching a movie together after the kiddos are in bed and just do some cuddling, maybe some light petting, but nothing heavy.
I know when hubby and I make plans to have sex it never happens. One of the kids gets sick, or one can't sleep. So we have learned not to make plans ahead of time unless we are planning for date night.
I am hoping some of the other people come to your aid also, you will get much more wonderful advice here.
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Originally Posted by J_9
I am about to be 21. We have tried to watch movies together but I makes me angry because we can't just sit, cuddle, have quiet time together, and watch the movie because he always thinks he has to touch me in some sexual way. I don't work, I am a student, and I hardly have any time by myself. If my kids are anything like yours then you understand. I can't even go to the bathroom with out them following. I mean I love them a lot but sometimes it would be nice to be by myself. At night when we try, nothing helps. It just starts to hurt and then he gets mad and we stop. Horrible, I know.
I have talked to him about going to the doctor but just like every man I know he says it is all in my head. Maybe I am just tried and stressed out from the day that maybe my mind is not working by that time.
Two babies? One is walking around just starting to run there mouth, barely pot trained (oops everynow and then) The other one is trying to keep up with the yackity one, who has discovered everything, and your asking about being in the mood? When do you have time as your hands are full all day and most of the night. I remember those days all to well. SEX, you better forget it and get a nap instead. J_9 is right without babysitters sex is only a memory. LOL, Hey no fair posting the same time I do. As far as hubby is concerned he might be going crazy with your schedule cutting him off but that aside why would he go see a doctor? No, its not in your head it's a lot of stress caused by too much to do with too little time to do it. Do you need a vacation absolutely. Can you see a doctor without hubby do so. Be better if he supported you and I undrstand this but don't let him stop you. Talking to each other and not at each other can help find a solution that you both can live with.
:(Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
That's one problem. My oldest has been potty trained since he was 18 months and there isn't much to do for him when he has to go but wipe and I can hardly get his dad to do that when he is home. It seems like that is all my husband thinks about morning and night. I can't even give our kids a bath without him coming in there and messing me and I don't approve of doing things like that in front of the kids. It seems like the more he begs the more it gets me out of the mood but he wouldn't beg if I just did it.
Guilty! I did the same thing to my wife, and I admit that I was less than perfect. We all must make adjustment when little strangers take over our house. LOL. Not laughing at you, but With you and yes it feels good to laugh about it. Communicate your feelings and try to understand his point of view also as he's going through changes to. Whatever problems crop up always be able to talk to each other and be willing to compromise. Maybe his communication skills are not as good as yours or he can't see that you might need a little help or more time to yourself, so understand that too. My wife often use to kid(?) me that I was one of her most demanding children to be raised, but time and patients allowed me to grow up and be the perfect guy I am now, but it is a process, not an overnight sensation. As he grows so must you. Deal with it TOGETHER!
Well, I had no idea so many husbands were all arms. LOL. Mine is the same way. Something could be burning on the stove and he just doesn't let up.
Anyway, I agree that you are under a lot of stress and you could probably use some time without the kids. What about hormones? Isn't it possible that your hormones might be a little out of wack after just having 2 little ones. You are young and so your body is probably still changing, still recovering. Have you been nursing your youngest? I know, it takes a little while after nursing to get your hormones settled. I know when I had a little extra baby weight, that affected things too.
I would maybe see a doctor to make sure your hormone levels are good and take a break from the babies.
BTW... I think this is perfectly normal. It happened to me too.
Yes, this is normal... Men are naturally sexual beings, they do not understand the demands of little ones on top of work and/or school.
It could possibly be hormones, since they really do not settle down until around age 25. And that is without having any babies.
However, I still think you need to make time for you. When he is home just say "I am going to take a bath, watch the kids for 15 minutes." Then do just that... It might take him some getting used to, but he is the father and therefore just as responsible as you.
I know it's not much consolation, but at least you are still attractive to him. He still yearns for you, loves you, and wants to share that with you in the most special way that a man can show his wife.
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Originally Posted by aqua@home
I would think that my hormones would be straigtened out by now but you may be right maybe they aren't. I don't have any weight issues because I have lost all my baby fat just soooo many stretch marks now ( I gained 78 lbs with my first) thank you god because I am very self conscious. We are going to Vegas for our anniversary in Sept. and maybe that is what we need (or least I do) Don't get me wrong, I love my kids with all my heart, but being a mother of 2 takes a lot out of me and I really don't think he understands because he has never watched them more than a day without me being there, other than me being in school. See he owns his own company and he only works on Sat. and Sun. but for some reason he always seems to be gone ALL the time during the week (I know he is not cheating that isn't the problem him not being here to help out is) The only time I get to myself is at school which isn't very relaxing. Thank you for your advice.
No worries. It sounds like you love your kids very much. I have five of my own and I know it can be very demanding. My husband is gone for two weeks and home for one, so I know what it means to not have a moments rest. I think the best thing you can do is take some time for yourself (not including school). This is something that I need to do myself. Take a break from having anymore babies too. Like J9 said, hormones don't settle down until around the age of 25 and that's with someone who hasn't even had children.
I think you are right about going to Vegas. I hope you enjoy yourself to the fullest. Maybe with your husband only having to work two days a week you could ask him for a little more help. I'm sure you have tried. Maybe he could come up with some things that he could do. Even if he helped with house-work, laundry or tucking the kids in bed. I know it can be frustrating, but just keep talking. Your kids will be bigger, and that won't take forever, and you will have more time for yourself. Have you thought about putting the three year old in preschool or joining a group where your kids can play and you can visit with other mothers? What about setting up a date night? Or even once or twice a month, a night out for yourself and your friends?
I wish you the best.
"When he is home just say "I am going to take a bath, watch the kids for 15 minutes." Then do just that.... It might take him some getting used to, but he is the father and therefore just as responsible as you".
You have received good advice, but what J_9 mention above hit a nerve. Yes I believe most women go through this when raising their kids. And yes, they have to count their hubbys as a kid too. I remember my wife use to say I was the worse one because I wanted to be all over her at all times. But my wife found some firmness in herself. She started by saying to me, if you want me tonight I want you to do this for a few minutes. And of course I would be on it quick. That went on for a while, but before I realized it, my wife had turned me into a part-time Mom. But you know, it was one of the best things she could have done. I mean I was bathing my kids, taking them to the daycare, feeding them, getting their stuff ready for the next day and taking them for walks along with my wife in the evenings. But it was my wife's toughness should I say that got me that way. It not only help my wife, but it truly brought us closer as a family, and of course it really help our love making.
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