Ask Me Help Desk - My pot addicted boyfriend has no sex drive

Me and my Fiancé have been together for three years. When we first got together our sex life was incredible; often having sex at least three times a day. We are both heavy marijuana users and over the past year his sex drive has dropped to almost zero. As it stands right now, we haven't had sex in over two months. He is still very cuddly and loving but now Im starting to wonder if I really want to enter into a marriage that could turn out to be sexless?? This all has been lowering my self-esteem greatly and whenever I try to bring it up all he does is get mad and defensive. I really don't know what to do. I try to be patient but when I'm not even getting sex on special occasions such as Valentines day or even my birthday its extremely discouraging... especially when I'm crazy in love with him. Is there ANYTHING I can do to increase his sex drive? Any herbal concoctions he can take or is this just a hopeless situation? :(

I looked on line to see if there is any physical correlation between libido and chronic pot smoking and the general consensus is that they are related.Chronic use lowers testosterone levels.
There is also the issue of decreased sperm with men so if you are planning on children,that is something to take into consideration.
It would appear that the sedentary lifestyle of the pot head is as much to blame as the lowered testosterone.
He clearly needs to make a choice.
Maybe just cutting back a little bit will help.

Quote:

Originally Posted by artlady

I looked on line to see if there is any physical correlation between libido and chronic pot smoking and the general consensus is that they are related.Chronic use lowers testosterone levels.
There is also the issue of decreased sperm with men so if you are planning on children,that is something to take into consideration.

Hello stressed:

Artlady found the stuff from the anti marijuana crowd. I don't know if it's true or not, but I don't believe it.

I've been smoking home grown, extremely potent Seattle pot, for over 40 years. I LOVE to screw and I, along with the pot, am very potent.

excon

And of course many couples after a few years start losing some interest in sex. And in some people excessive pot makes them want to do nothing.

If ou want help, consider couples counseling.

Excon here made it sound like the pot is not to blame. I want to address excon here, do you think these sites are not monitored? you can be arrested for just that kind of statement. please remove it.

Next, yes, pot will decrease sex drive in men. If he continues, you WILL be stuck without sex, at all. You might want to tell him how much sex with him has meant to you, and get him to try to cut back.
I hope you can live with things as they are, because I don't believe he will stop, just because you want sex. Drugs are usually more important to people.

I believe that pot smokers, drug addicts and porn addicts do have more of a susceptibility to decreased sex drive. As Excon said there are exceptions because everybody has their own chemical make up.

As far as the 'you can be arrested' for your statement. Pot smoking is far from a priority for police. They actually often watch drug users for years before they do anything about it because if they aren't caught with a large amount they are only released within a week or so. If they really arrested people for weed and it was treated as seriously as they want people to believe close to half of the United States would be in jail for it. A joint is a slap on the wrist for the most part.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bronzebabe

I want to address excon here, do you think these sites are not monitored? you can be arrested for just that kind of statement. please remove it.

Hello babe:

Nope. I'm not going to do that. You're welcome to call the cops and turn me in if that'll make you feel better. Or make a complaint to the moderators here. Maybe they'll remove it...

But, they won't.

Plus, do I think the cops, even the ones who are in between doughnut shop visits, would bother to find and arrest a pot smoker like me??

Nope.

Besides, you have no idea whether my pot smoking is LEGAL or not, do you?

Nope, you don't.

excon

Quote:

Originally Posted by stressedandsad

Me and my Fiance have been together for three years. When we first got together our sex life was incredible; often having sex at least three times a day. We are both heavy marijuana users and over the past year his sex drive has dropped to almost zero. As it stands right now, we havent had sex in over two months. He is still very cuddly and loving but now Im starting to wonder if I really want to enter into a marriage that could turn out to be sexless??? This all has been lowering my self-esteem greatly and whenever I try to bring it up all he does is get mad and defensive. I really don't know what to do. I try to be patient but when I'm not even getting sex on special occasions such as Valentines day or even my birthday its extremely discouraging...especially when I'm crazy in love with him. Is there ANYTHING I can do to increase his sex drive? Any herbal concoctions he can take or is this just a hopeless situation? :(

If you are both heavy users, you might want to consider cutting back-both of you.

I have read of homeopathic detox, and that might be a consideration, and may help with your boyfriends lack of sex drive. If that's what is causing it.

It may also have nothing to do with smoking weed. He may have a physical problem, that is causing this. The decrease in his sex drive has gradually happened over a year as you said, so perhaps its time for him to get a thourough checkup.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

Hello babe:

Nope. I'm not gonna do that. You're welcome to call the cops and turn me in if that'll make you feel better. Or make a complaint to the moderators here. Maybe they'll remove it...

But, they won't.

Plus, do I think the cops, even the ones who are in between doughnut shop visits, would bother to find and arrest a pot smoker like me????

Nope.

Besides, you have no idea whether or not my pot smoking is LEGAL or not, do you?

Nope, you don't.

excon

You're Not going to insult me by saying you use it medically for 40 years, are you? I expect you think that no one will be watching this site, and I hope for your sake they don't. Yes, yes, pot is low on the totem pole, drug wise, but it's still a drug. I am sorry, I don't condone that. It's just who I am.

The discussion is NOT about whether pot is good or evil, here.

The discussion is about whether it is affecting the OP and her boyfriend.

Stick to THAT topic, or I'll delete your posts.

I agree with Artlady, there is a difference. First off I judge nobody on here and what you do is your business. So with that being said I will proceed. Maybe you guys should use a lot less, if you say you are heavy users. I have a close friend (male) and he was a heavy user for many years. He then decided to stop because of a near death experience, he said that after a while he felt great and his sex drive was very high. Now I understand that everyone and everybody bodies are different, so it may or may not be the answer. He can try it though.

Quote:

Originally Posted by excon

I've been smoking home grown, extremely potent Seattle pot, for over 40 years. I LOVE to screw and I, along with the pot, am very potent.

Exy, it is a fallicy to state "ive done this, so that generalization is BS"

My friends daughter had a cancer that kills 90% of the children who get it. She lived.

My great grandfather was a mean, tough S.O.B... drank heavily daily most of his life... his liver shouldve killed him off by his 40-50's... instead, he was in fantastic physical health. Into his late 80's he would "prove" his by making you watch him do pushups when you visited. He was the guy who'd be at the fringe of the statistical deviation curve.

I'm in no way going to get into the pot good/pot bad argument. This isn't about legal availability or government policy or prison terms.

Some of the best medical research done is tied to understanding how natural products are medicinally beneficial. Most of the best medicines we have are derived from compounds isolated from plants. The potential for THC is real.

But it is widely reported, observed, and accepted by primary medical researchers that marijuana use can alter blood flow. This isn't some guy with an agenda posting propaganda. It's the medical researcher who wants to know how medicinal drugs affect the body... and that includes how it can be used to help the body, not just hurt the body.

A researcher measuring the blood flow velocity of a pot user versus nonuser is using tools of measurement and data. The potential (an important word here) for diminished blood flow has been repeatedly observed. Potential does not mean guaranteed.

So... major medical research centers KNOW that marijuana use can (again, important word) tie into a change in blood flow. That doesnt mean a person using marijuana will have ED issues tied to reduced blood flow.

But when ED can have multiple causes... and additive effect of many smaller things... the use of drugs is considered.

Hell... frickin' antihistamines that keep your nose from dripping are cited right alongside pot when ED issues are of concern. Same with your ulcer meds. It isn't about using ED as a platform to tearing down pot.

Can a person watch porn, regularly self stimulate, and still be a gracious and attentive lover? Well, yeah. Or not.

Reduced blood flow to the penis is the basis of a large pharmaceutical market for guys to try to "buy" hard ons. If you want to say change in blood flow doesn't cause ED, good luck. Science doesn't back you up.

If you want to say pot use can't (didnt say does) alter blood flow... good luck. Science doesn't back you up.

If someone says any pot user can't (again, an important word) have a healthy sex life and steel piercing erections... well, I don't believe them.

A person doesn't need to be a perfect physical specimen to get hard, quality erections that are lasting. A person doesn't need to lead a zen life, free of stress and anxiety to get hard. A person doesn't need to be 18 year old to have a great response.

So...

When someone says "can it be the pot"... the answer is "yes" it can be. Or not.

It can be the pot. It can be depression. Or depression plus the pot. Or stress. Or, or, or...

When a problem arises, you look at potential causes.

The person who lives in a polluted city but has a healthy baby has no issues to look at. The couple who just cannot conceive need to look at all factors that can tie into the condition.

No different here.

I think the guy has a lot more issues than just pot to deal with, and without more info, the cause of the problems between you two can be anything, and not just the pot smoking.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I think the guy has a lot more issues than just pot to deal with, and without more info, the cause of the problems between you two can be anything, and not just the pot smoking.

this is true.

the OP'er should know the things that can tie into ED and decreased libido. The list is long.

stress
anxiety
mental blocks
depression
unresolved issues in a relationship
lack of quality sleep
poor nutrition
lack of exercise
vascular problems
diabetes
high blood pressure
xenobiotics (drugs, meds, and other chemicals from the external environment) that interfere with libido/erection
hormone imbalances
etc...

the OP'er guided us to pot because it was mentioned, with warranted reason... but there can be, as I mentioned, a lot of little issues at play, or sometimes one bigger problem.

more info could help. Anything changed in the past year?

I agree... entering a marriage that is already almost sexless is risky if sex is something you value. He needs to stop being defensive and start to talk about what his needs and wants are... openly and honestly.

Quote:

Originally Posted by kp2171

i agree... entering a marriage that is already almost sexless is risky if sex is something you value. he needs to stop being defensive and start to talk about what his needs and wants are... openly and honestly.

Marriage to this man, or a continued infrequently sexual relationship is the main concern here, I think.

My first husband, who smoked pot heavily wanted sex very infrequently, like once every two or three months. Yes, I felt like it was my fault and my self-esteem was suffering; heck, we didn't do it on our wedding night and only once on our honeymoon. He quit smoking it for about 6 months at one point. From the second day of his break from pot, we had sex at least once a day. Then he started smoking again, same old crap.

My current husband was also a heavy pot smoker when we married. He quit several years ago. His desire for frequent sex was never affected either way.

Whatever you decide to do, "making" your man quit is at the least, not viable. The guy you're with now, is the guy you'll be committed to in a marriage. No matter how much you love him, is this what you can live with? Marriage does not make it all better.

If I were you, I'd suggest to boyfriend that the two of you abstain for a month or two. I have to believe that your relationship would see some improvements.

I know that pot affects different people in different ways. For my friends, many of them became energized while high. Me? It put me out of commission for hours after smoking it. I was fairly young when I was using pot, and I became addicted to it. The extensive vocabulary I'd been honing since the age of eleven gradually began to disappear during my two year odyssey. My life was centered around getting high, doing nothing while high, and jonesing for it during "dry spells".

Once I cleaned up, all my old faculties began to return. I think this might be the case with your fiancé, too.

If he's resistant to abstaining, maybe some counseling is in order.

I hope everything works out for the two of you... take care!

Hi.

I would have his testosterone levels checked by your doctor. There are pills or injections to increase the level if his are low.

Good Luck :)

I say keep it simple and find a boyfriend that doesn't need drugs to deal with life and dump this one.

Argue all you want about how safe it is or isn't... but clean and sober is the right way to be. It might make the difference on working at Walmart and living in a rented dump... or working in a nice office and living in a really nice house.