I feel terrible. I know my boyfriend watched porn occasionally however I never seem to be able to accept. A couple of months ago I found some on his computer and confronted him. He told me that he rarely does it and that whens he's bored and I'm not around he likes to do it, but he rarely does.

Now and again he does it, but I still can't accept in my head that its natural and he's just doing what most guys are doing.

Can anyone help me get it into my head that its OK.. because I really want to accept it and not let it get me down.

Cheers xx

most all men like porn...it's just something they do. accept it or not, he's probably gonna look. As long as he doesn't leave you for some porn star, you're fine. at least he is sleeping with you- and only you.

This is a difficulty with many people these days. The best rule of thumb is this. If it does not feel right it probably is'nt. You can take a religious or non-religious stand regarding pornography. Try sitting with him and viewing the porn with him. If it does not make him uncomfortable you have something to worry about and should tell him openly your concerns. Ask him direct questions as to why he goes to porn sites. The frequency or lack thereof is meaningless. "Why" is the big question. Try to make sure you're both on neutral ground and are able to discuss this matter without arguing. More later.

Thanks guys, yeah I wouldn't want to watch it with him unless he proposed this as I don't think I should be the one to ask. He doesn't know that I know he watches it, but sometimes I need to use his computer if mine has no battery and its just hard because I somehow come across it.

I shouldn't let myself get down about it, I think he personally is embarrassed about it and finds it quite hard to admit.

I know he won't run off with anyone and I hope its nothing against me.. Im sure it isn't, plus half the girls in pornos look quite scary anyway.. plus he is also watching a man do his business too!

Well I have been through this and have maintained my relationship for 10 years so I guess I can share how I dealt with it on a inner-personal level.

Firstly, you know its normal and men are just wired differently so acknowledgment is the first step.

The second one is how you relate to porn. Do you enjoy it once in a while or better yet, enjoy it with him and play it out? Acceptance is the second part. The only time I would be alarmed is if pedophilia or bestiality are concerned (abnormal sex) mind you he may watch what he is attracted to (not that it has anything to do with you) for example large breasts, blonds/brunettes/red heads, ethnic backgrounds, role play or bondage... this is normal too so long as it does not view rape or violence.

The third part is realization, understand that this has nothing to do with you and you are not being compared to.

The fourth part is personal growth. Now that you understand this, you need to further accept it and come to terms with it. I am looking at your esteem issues... I don't care how pretty you are again, the guy with Cindy Crawford still masturbates :). How can you approach the situation and feel mature about it? Feel good about yourself, he loves you and cares about you but everyone is entitled to fantasy and escape (as you are) so deal with your issues around it by starting to list out why you dislike it and why you dislike him watching it, then list out the positive things that can potentially be a result. If he is crossing limitations or boundaries with you, you need to tell him what it is and how it makes you feel and work something out for the both of you. Remember that communication is ALWAYS the key.