I'm 24 yrs old,married for a year now.I feel that my husband doesnot love me.he has an awful family I try to be OK with.but away from that I'm about to become mad I need love ,care,respect and somebody to share my feelings with.We married quickly I was attracted to him and thought he was too.we didn't have a love story or so .Now I'm about to be desperate I'm reading two books about how to make marriage work,signed up in three sites of marriage counselling and feel that all what I'm trying is useless .he just don't want to be part of anything.everybody blames me .I need rest.I need rest I need somebody to ubnderstand me without judjing.I need peace. I need to talk

How long had you dated before you married your husband, and do you have children? Not being nosey, just need more info.

Did you marry him just because of his attraction? It sounds to me like you both were never really even in love with each other... is this correct?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

How long had you dated before you married your husband, and do you have children?? Not being nosey, just need more info.

---

We've been engaged for 4 months before marriage and don't have children.I've made investigations and doctors say that may be I shall need labaroscopy if no pregnancy occurred in a year

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Did you marry him just because of his attraction? It sounds to me like you both were never really even in love with eachother...is this correct?

---

I don't know what do you mean by being in love.I thought to be in love twice before marriage.they used to cry for not seeing me for a few days and all that was forgotten in a minute and I was left over so easily.When I met my husband he was really ready for commitment .he started to treat me very well,told me that he have wanted to talk to me long ago.I uesd to be happy when meeting him,felt covered and protected and cared for.I wanted to be with him.Is that love? I feel now that when I'm in his arms when things are OK I'm happy and like to make him comfortable and happy as well but I often miss.That feeling that makes u feel flying inspired and euphoric doesnot exist.My major feeling is that he doesnot love me and he says that he only can't express it more.but for sure I'm not special for him

You married him after four months, or did you date longer than that?

I asked because you seem to have moved to fast into someone you didn't know very well, and the communications was not there. I was just wondering if your more into getting married, than taking time to see if he was the right partner for a long term commitment.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

You married him after four months, or did you date longer than that?

I asked because you seem to have moved to fast into someone you didn't know very well, and the communications was not there. I was just wondering if your more into getting married, than taking time to see if he was the right partner for a long term commitment.

---

We were married after 4 months of knowing each other.May be I was hasty but what can I do now.I want more to keep this relationship working I have never been a loser.I thought I've tested him .I've had my requirements in my husband written and I've asked him a lot of questions but may be I was in need of a relationship

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by nena2003

I find your answer great would you help me with my question.it's under the title of I don't know what to do
thank you

---

Hi Nena, I read this question and didn't answer originally it because I was unsure of how to advise you. (Read my signature line!) But since you asked for my advice, here goes...

I will say this for sure: relationships take BOTH people making an effort. You can get all the counselling you want but if he's not willing to meet you halfway, then you can't do but so much. You deserve to be in a relationship where you feel the other person's love and affection. If I were you, I'd hold off on having children any time soon. That will only make your situation worse. You two need to focus on getting your relationship on solid ground before adding the stress of children. Children complicate relationships and it's best to wait until things are secure before adding them to the equation.

How old is your husband? It's possible that he just wasn't ready to be married. Many people get so caught up in the "high" of a new relationship and jump into a marriage without knowing what it'll take to make it work. I do think your marriage is too new for the sizzle to be gone already. Do you still go on dates? Do you do sweet things for each other? You said his family is awful; how so? Are you saying they're a bad influence on him or are you saying they dislike you? In-laws can certainly cause more stress in a rocky relationship. What about your family?

Bottom line is the two of you have to put forth the effort to make the marriage work. I don't want to recommend divorce but if you're unhappy, he's not giving anything to the relationship, and you don't have children, it may be your best option. Do you have a pastor, best friend, or parent that you can talk to?

Thank you your answering me.sometimes only a word helps much.I find your answer great once again.My husband is 35 .He was engaged before me and was ready to marry years ago.I try my best to do sweet things to him but he thinks that I'm so romantic and thinks improbably.He says that I think like children and too emotional to a grownup and a wife.He usually accepts my sweet acts coldly and doesnot respond to them because he's a grownup and I won't dictate what he should do.He says he is dowing a lot and I don't appreciate that.What about flowers I bought you?(that's the first time he does so and the last since knowing him.I bought him flowers 4 times and asked him to get me one many times).Why don't u consider sex (He says that it is enough to express love).His parents stayed with me for 3 months and I tried hard to be good to them .May be I'm unexperienced and the different cultural backgrounds.They blame me for many acts I didn't mean anything bad from them.My husband thinks I was wrong and now they don't talk to me although I said I'm sorry a lot and tried to talk to them but they refused.I talk to my parents but actually they try to judje me blame me and compare me to them.They just don't understand the pain I feel

Quote:

---

we were married after 4 months of knowing each other.

---

I suspect your not American, so was this an arranged marriage, or one you were encouraged to get into?

Honestly, I feel you could do better than Dumbo, and would be much happier with a more empathetic, open minded partner. Sorry, but your husband is stuck on stupid, or living in the wrong century.

Quote:

---

May be I was hasty but what can I do now

---

What remedies does your culture allow?

I would advise counseling, or leaving to be honest.

4 Months is just not long enough, to really know someone, but maybe you could stand up for yourself and not take his abuses.

Quote:

---

He was engaged before me and was ready to marry years ago

---

Ever wonder what happened then?? Could this be affecting his actions now?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by talaniman

I suspect your not American, so was this an arranged marriage, or one you were encouraged to get into??

Honestly, I feel you could do better than Dumbo, and would be much happier with a more empathetic, open minded partner. Sorry, but your husband is stuck on stupid, or living in the wrong century.




What remedies does your culture allow??

I would advise counseling, or leaving to be honest.

4 Months is just not long enough, to really know someone, but maybe you could stand up for oyyourself and not take his abuses.



Ever wonder what happened then??? Could this be affecting his actions now??

---

My culture doen't accept divorce easily.The divorced lady is looked to as being guilty.I wasn't forced into that I chose it by myself.Many times I wish I had never done it. Experts say when you think you can't stand it anymore you should start trying for a year after that do you recommend this? How can I stand up formyself.I need a brilliant way that allows me to protect myself without being blamed of mistreating my husband.

Its up to partners to set the boundaries of acceptable behavior, and define each others roles in the relationship, leaving enough room for dignity, and respect, which means you do not have to be minimized in any way by your husband, but be respected as his wife, on an equal basis, as he is.

Standing up for yourself doesn't mean putting up with abuse, or treated any other way but with dignity, and respect. A man that does not lead by example in a way that benefits all in house doesn't deserve to be followed, or respected.

The onus is on you to honestly express your hopes, and fears to your husband, and work together through communications, to build a life where your both happy.

You're his wife, not his child, or his pet.