I just can't stop thinking about an ex fiancé from 14 years ago. We dated for about 2 years while he was stationed at a NC base near my hometown. I ended up breaking up with him because I was young and scared. Six months after that, he showed up at my house and told me he had just been medically discharged from the marines but wanted to know if we could still have a chance before he left for his hometown in Texas. He ended up leaving... then 2 years later he called me a month before I was supposed to get married. When I told him, he begged me to call it off and move to Texas to be with him. He mailed me some pictures and a love letter, but I got married anyway. It is now 11 years later and my marriage is over and I can't stop thinking about "what if". He was so kind and good to me. I have looked him up, but am terrified to call. I thought about mailing him a card, but I have no idea if he is married or what... I am still attractive and have a great career as a successful nurse practitioner and have a good life. Am I just being crazy?

Yes and it feels really good as a fantasy but the reason it feels so good is because there were probably no problems and the sex was great.

Hi, oneinamillion!

I too, think that it's perfectly normal to think about ex's from the past where some sort of long-term commitment might have been possible.

I've had quite a few of them... However, for one reason or another, things just didn't work out. Does that mean that some of them still love me? Yes. Does that mean that I still love some of them? Yes. Things just didn't work out, though...

If your marriage is over, then I would suggest doing some research like communicating with old friends and associates that the two of you had and shared together to see what might be up with him.

You never know what might happen...

Depending on how long ago your marriage ended, if it wasn't all that long ago, then I would urge you to give yourself some time to figure out what you really want out of a relationship and what you want to give to a relationship.

Thanks!

I don't know if I'm just in hopeless romantic mood, but why not contact him?

Over the years he's really put himself on the line for you. More than once he's gotten in contact when he didn't know what was going on with you.

I don't know... maybe I'm just being irrational, but you never know when the door is going to open...

Since I've been divorced for a very long time and have recently found out that one of my "old flames" has recently divorced, I'm thinking about contacting her.

Thanks!

So it's not just me then? :D

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Originally Posted by neverme

So it's not just me then?? :D

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Of course it's not just you! :)

Thanks!

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but I got married anyway. It is now 11 years later and my marriage is over and I can't stop thinking about "what if".

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Amazing how we seek solace in past happiness, when times get tough for us.

I suggest you regroup, and deal with the reality of your own situation, before you let fantasy guide you to the past.

Hey, I'm as romantic as anyone, all I'm saying is be on solid emotional ground with yourself before you run after what ifs, especially unknown what ifs, as it been 11 years, and people do live their own life.

Ok, I wanted to give an update since it has been almost two months since my original post. We talked on the phone, he is married with 3 kids. I had a convention to go to in Louisiana, so he asked me to drive over to Houston after my conference and meet his family. So I did (shock & awe). It was a little uncomfortable at first, but after a couple of beers it was fine. His wife reminds me of... ME. She looks a lot like me, however is quite a bit heavier than any of the women he was ever attracted to. He has really changed physically as well. I would say he has put on about 75 pounds, is half bald, unemployed, etc.
Surprisingly though, I felt a sense of warmth when I looked at him and was so surprised to still see that he cared about me after all of these years. I also still cared about him and no matter what, I wish him well.
The only regret I really have is that while I know that seeing and talking to him put my "what if" feelings (mostly) behind me, I think that seeing me may have disrupted his life. Since then, he has called me several times and I have the feeling that he has some regrets as well and has even made references to me possible moving to Houston. I did not expect him to have those types of feeling after all this time. Especially since he has such a beautiful family that appears to be stable.
I don't want to cause him pain or trouble. I am not sure that we can maintain a friendship, as he wants. Any feedback? The advice I received before was so kind. Thanks in advance! Ash

I would say,it is a disaster waiting to happen.
Some old feelings may have resurfaced in him but bottom line,married with children= hands off!
Things may start innocently enough but it is clear he is looking for something more.

You was brave enough to venture but since you see what he is trying to do I wouldn't go down that path.
It is better that you stay where your at and put yourself back on the dating scene. Thread slowly with this new friendship and don't let it cross the lines.

Thanks for the update!