Hi

I've just found out that my 15 yr old son has been doing weed, he says he's quit and that he is sorry, but I am so disappointed in him,

He is one of the top athletes at his school, and has always told me sports comes first but he obviously doesn't think this anymore.

We live in a small town, on an indian reservation where the kids here don't think there is anything wrong in doing this, so let me make this clear before I get some people saying that it is true, it is wrong, I disagree with it 100%, it is harmful, it can interfere in school work, his sports, and if he continues can easily lead to him doing other drugs, I am scared for him, I love my son so much, but this has got me totally worried.

He is a freshman at high school, but he's been hanging out with older kids, junios/seniors, so what should I do, should I ground him, stop him from seeing these so called older friends, surely true friends should not let friends do something illegal, because that's what it is ILLEGAL,

I don't want to alienate him, but I've got to make him see and realise how wrong this is, and that there has to be some consequences.

He has just started going to a local Youth Group, and likes doing that,

So anyway any advice about how to go forward with this would be greatly appreciated

If you have a good relationship with your child ask him why and how often?

I knew a guy who smoked a regular tobacco cigarette only once a year.

If you solve that problem, the weed problem will go away.

If you have smokers or drinkers in your family heritage then I would be more concerned.

Alienating you kid is not the right thing to do and he is only 3 years away from becoming an "adult" and when that happens he should be treated as one.

Education can be a big part and actually I would not necessarily punish him, but rather give him an assignment to do. Say a paper on "The effects of weed and development and the penalties for possession in your state". It should also include testing and how long it stays in your system.

I am on the fence with this.. I agree with in the fact that I would be very upset if I found my son doing it as well. But the damn stuff should be legal as far as I'm concerned... 21 & older like alcohol is. (thats a whole different topic ;) )

Anyway... there is NOT much you can do. The more you try and control him and keep your eye on him the more he will pull away and hide it from you. You have expressed your disappointment which is best (dont get mad... the disappointment is much better). Set a punishment... if he is caught again then "this" will happen... and follow through.

How is his schoolwork? How is doing in sports? If everything is fine.. then I would not worry, he is just dabbling in it. Many kids will do this (and its MUCH more common that you want to believe... )

Just BE FIRM - but make sure he knows its because you love him so much!

Good luck!

Have you been to this new Youth Group he's now going to? Do the kids seem to be level headed and care about doing the right thing? Do they have adult supervision of caring adults who are good role models? Check it out. You may be able to volunteer your time at this Youth Group and make it a mommy/sonny special thing for you two.

It was obviously the peer pressure from the older kids he was hanging around that made him want to experiment with the dope.

Just keep the lines of communication open with him and talk to him at least once a day. You will be able to see if he's gone back to smoking dope again. Just don't make a huge thing out of it now until he digresses and starts the dope use again. Hopefully he has quit.

I have to say that I did notice his grades were pretty bad when he is a really bright kid, usually B's but recently some of his best subjects were going down, but in the last week he has brought his grades back up, he can't wait until baseball starts, and is going to try out for the track team this year too, he's been really moody recently too.

We are really close, that is what upsets me that he couldn't 'confide in me that he was having problems or that his friends had asked him to do this, usually he tells me everything that's going on.

I think also that going to this youth group has helped him too, I don't want to push him away but I don't want him to think that I don't care because I do

I haven't been to the youth group, it is run by the local church, always has adult supervision and then at the end they sit down discuss things and read part of the bible.

We are not a religious family, but he really wanted to try this out and see if this will help him, it was his own decision to do this.

I really don't want this to be a big thing but I'm so worried that I won't be able to keep it together, and then I get people telling me its no big deal that loads of kids do it these days
It just worries me

My advice would be to arm yourself with as much information as possible so you can have an informed discussion with your son about this.
Peer pressure is a key factor in much of this so try to insure that he is hanging with the right crowd.
Trying it and using it on a regular basis are totally different things.
If you suspect he is still using there are home testing kits you can buy.
Below is a site I think you may find helpful. It would be advisable to share this site with your son as it is geared towards teens.
Facts about marijuana for teens from NIDA

As a 16 year old, I hope I can provide you with some insight on the teenage mind.

I have never smoked anything myself. My dad smokes, and I hate it! I will never touch a cigarette, joint, whatever. Anyway, probably about 90% of my friends are smoking weed, some on a regular basis. Most of them have been caught by their parents. The standard answer (which is almost always a lie) is, "It was my first time, I didn't like it, and I'm quitting now." After saying this to the parents, a lot of kids go right back out and do it all over again. I'm NOT suggesting that your son is a liar, but just suggesting the possibility that he may not be telling you the full truth.

What is most effective (learned through observation of friends) is a firm punishment, followed by a few weeks with set curfews, AND a punishment to be used if the curfew is not followed (e.g. taking away the cell phone).

Also, keeping a strong relationship is important. If he feels close to you, and wants to keep your trust, chances are much higher he won't get back into weed.

Keeping him away from the older friends sounds like a good idea. However, this may be hard to enforce 24/7.

I liked this answer:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

Have you been to this new Youth Group he's now going to? Do the kids seem to be level headed and care about doing the right thing? Do they have adult supervision of caring adults who are good role models? Check it out. You may be able to volunteer your time at this Youth Group and make it a mommy/sonny special thing for you two.

It was obviously the peer pressure from the older kids he was hanging around that made him want to experiment with the dope.

Just keep the lines of communication open with him and talk to him at least once a day. You will be able to see if he's gone back to smoking dope again. Just don't make a huge thing out of it now until he digresses and starts the dope use again. Hopefully he has quit.

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The only problem with that answer is the first paragraph. As much as I love my mother, I like my own life. Independence is really important to most teens. I, too, attend a local youth group. I, personally, wouldn't want my mother there. Embarrassing!!

Anyway, I hope I was of some help, I and I wish you luck with your son!

Wow you all seriously don't know how to talk to somebody properly
You're taking advice from someone who says he's a teenage mind yet has never touched anything and never will then how the hell would he have insight into someone's mind who smokes pot first off id like to say that I do smoke it
And the thing you have to realize is that by confronting him and punishing him for doing so will not solve a damn thing.
Secondly you got to realize that he wasn't peer pressured to he did it because he was curious and those guys he hangs out with are his friends and probably the only people that get him truly.if you never let him hang out with his friends and punish him for smoking some weed you'll make him really pissed at you and hate you for it and he won't stop.the way you got to look at it is realizing it from a different point of view.

Obviously he smokes pot because he enoys it.
Is a ciggarette smoker a bad person?

Pot doesn't have any addictive propertys.
But things like alcohol and ciggarettes both do

Pot is a lot better for you then you'd actually think and its been proven to help prevent and help prevent alzhemiers,certain cancers,high chlorestreol,and a bunch other things

No matter what if you like it or not teenagers are going to be curious and get into different drugs and drink and party and make bad choices but
Pot is a responsible choice for somebody who wants to relax and have a good time without going overboard and puking there guts up all night with alcohol poisoning
Or look like a goof and say things they don't mean.

And also recent studys show that pot isn't a gateway drug


So in conclusion I guess what I'm tryna say
And I'm saying this from you're sons exact point of view
(because I'm the same age same situation)
Just simply ask him if he's being responsible with it and not getting into other drugs or drinking
And don't punish him for something he enjoys
Because the reason a lot of people smoke pot besides it being enjoyable is because of some sort of stress it has relieved them from
And things like grades dropping and declined interest in activity doesn't usually happen directly because of pot trust me I'm active like crazy walk everywhere skateboard try to swim as much as I can
And anything else that's fun and I smoke pot all the time
So don't get pissed at him

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alabamaman

wow you all seriously dont know how to talk to somebody properly
youre taking advice from someone who says hes a teenage mind yet has never touched anything and never will then how the hell would he have insight into someones mind who smokes pot

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Okay, okay... No need to get all worked up. I feel that being around and involved in the situations, I do have at least some knowledge and can give some insight on the situation. So calm down, and show a little respect. All I and others want to do here is help. I think I deserve a little more credit then you're giving me here.

Nobody is "taking advice from me." That was just simply me throwing out my opinion. If they choose to agree with it, then okay. If they don't, that is fine too.

Also, I and most people know smoking doesn't make you a bad person. AND smoking pot is fine (in my eyes), but not in the eyes of the law. It should be legalized, but guess what, it's not. THIS is where the problem comes in.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alabamaman

so in conclusion i guess what im tryna say
and im saying this from youre sons exact point of view
(because im the same age same situation)
just simply ask him if hes being responsible with it and not getting into other drugs or drinking
and dont punish him for something he enjoys
because the reason alot of people smoke pot besides it being enjoyable is because of some sort of stress it has relieved them from
and things like grades dropping and declined interest in activity doesnt usually happen directly because of pot trust me im active like crazy walk everywhere skateboard try to swim as much as i can
and anything else thats fun and i smoke pot all the time
so dont get pissed at him

---

I am going to have to respectfully disagree with your advice. I think that as a mother, she should to everything in her power to assist her son in abiding by the law. Getting into trouble with the law could potentially ruin someone's life. I am not sure of how criminal records work where the OP is located, but getting a criminal record is never a good thing.

Also, although smoking pot is "better" than cigarettes, it is not healthy. There are much healthier ways to relieve stress then smoking.

Just my point of view.

I found evidence that my daughter and her best friend had or were smoking pot and I confronted her. I told her that I was extremely disappointed that I had trusted her to do the right things when she was away from us and she broke that trust when she decided to break the law. Our discussion focused more on the breaking of a law than the effects of marijuana. She was no longer allowed to go to the home of the friend that provided the pot and she was on a very short leash for a while. I told her that if I even suspected she was using it again I would go to Walgreens and pick up a testing kit and use it and that she better be damn glad I would do the testing and not the police. I took her car keys from her (since I told her that she couldn't be trusted behind the wheel since she had driven her car home from that friend's house after smoking pot.) Three years have passed and she is now an adult (technically). We have talked about that day and she says that what we did was exactly right. It is peer pressure even if the friends/peers aren't actively sitting there saying "come on, try it". Teens trying to fit in by doing what those around them are doing are giving in to peer pressure. Whatever your viewpoint is on the legalization of marijuana, the fact remains that it is illegal and if he is caught by the authorities it could have lasting negative consequences. (whew! That was longer than I intended.)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alabamaman

wow you all seriously dont know how to talk to somebody properly
youre taking advice from someone who says hes a teenage mind yet has never touched anything and never will then how the hell would he have insight into someones mind who smokes pot first off id like to say that i do smoke it
and the thing you have to realize is that by confronting him and punishing him for doing so will not solve a damn thing.
secondly you gotta realize that he wasnt peer pressured to he did it because he was curious and those guys he hangs out with are his friends and probly the only people that get him truly.if you go ahead and never let him hang out with his friends and punish him for smoking some weed youll make him really pissed at you and hate you for it and he wont stop.the way you got to look at it is realizing it from a different point of view.

obviously he smokes pot because he enoys it.
is a ciggarette smoker a bad person?

pot doesnt have any addictive propertys.
but things like alcohal and ciggarettes both do

pot is alot better for you then youd actually think and its been proven to help prevent and help prevent alzhemiers,certain cancers,high chlorestreol,and a bunch other things

no matter what if u like it or not teenagers are gonna be curious and get into different drugs and drink and party and make bad choices but
pot is a responsible choice for somebody who wants to relax and have a good time without going overboard and puking there guts up all night with alcohal poisoning
or look like a goof and say things they dont mean.

and also recent studys show that pot isnt a gateway drug


so in conclusion i guess what im tryna say
and im saying this from youre sons exact point of view
(because im the same age same situation)
just simply ask him if hes being responsible with it and not getting into other drugs or drinking
and dont punish him for something he enjoys
because the reason alot of people smoke pot besides it being enjoyable is because of some sort of stress it has relieved them from
and things like grades dropping and declined interest in activity doesnt usually happen directly because of pot trust me im active like crazy walk everywhere skateboard try to swim as much as i can
and anything else thats fun and i smoke pot all the time
so dont get pissed at him

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I'm sorry but you are not talking from my sons point of view, and saying this is is a responsible choice, you really need to stop and think what your saying, my son has stopped and is not doing it anymore, he didn't enjoy it, and I am pissed at him I have every right to be pissed at him and your parents should be pissed at you for doing it too, my son and I have a very close relationship and will always have a close relationship and he may get pissed at me for a while but it soon passes

First off let me start by saying that I started smoking weed when I was 16. I had a boyfriend who did it and always hung out with him. From this, I became pregnant with my son at age 18. Weed is a social drug mostly and kids use it to have a good time. It gives them a happy feeling and allows them to let go of stress. Howevere it is not good for them and not acceptable. My oldest son is 2 years old now and when he grows up I will make sure that I explain to him that smoking pot is not worth the consequences. I do think that the home drug testing is a wonderful idea, because when I was in that position, if my mother would have drug tested me I would not have done it just so that she wouldn't catch me and punish me for it. And it would have ruined our relationship. Also remind him of how proud you are of him and remind him of all the good things that could come from not smoking weed. You never know... if he continues this he could end up getting a girl pregnant and his bright future will be history. He will have to work hard for the rest of his life, all from smoking weed. But from my perspective of when I was his age I would say get a drug test and do it often... and always communicate with him every day. I wish you the best of luck and it sounds like you are a good parent for being so concerned about your child's well-being and building such a close relationship with him... continue to do the right thing as his mother. The world needs more mothers like you:)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jrsg

Okay, okay... No need to get all worked up. I feel that being around and involved in the situations, I do have at least some knowledge and can give some insight on the situation. So calm down, and show a little respect. All I and others want to do here is help. I think I deserve a little more credit then you're giving me here.

Nobody is "taking advice from me." That was just simply me throwing out my opinion. If they choose to agree with it, then okay. If they don't, that is fine too.

Also, I and most people know smoking doesn't make you a bad person. AND smoking pot is fine (in my eyes), but not in the eyes of the law. It should be legalized, but guess what, it's not. THIS is where the problem comes in.



I am going to have to respectfully disagree with your advice. I think that as a mother, she should to everything in her power to assist her son in abiding by the law. Getting into trouble with the law could potentially ruin someones life. I am not sure of how criminal records work where the OP is located, but getting a criminal record is never a good thing.

Also, although smoking pot is "better" than cigarettes, it is not healthy. There are much healthier ways to relieve stress then smoking.

Just my point of view.

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She can obviously do whatever she wants
But the main point I guess I was trying to make
Is how much the kid would get mad if she punished him for it

Some people need to learn things for themselves.
If he tried it and didn't like it and quit then nothing needs to be done. He learned for himself. Life has enough consequences without imposing more on someone to make a point and then they would just see you as the bad guy anyway. I can see if making consequences if a problem persists and escalates but in this case it fizzled out if he quit because he didn't like it.

I am a single mom of four and have much experience in this particular subject because weed is rampid in our area's high schools. My older kids have all done this. I have found that when I make a big deal out of it things get worse. I only make a big deal about grades and choices that will affect their future. Just weed is something that 99% of all teens do. But if they still care about sports or music talents and their grades then try to focus on those things because those are the choices that will affect their lives as adults. And to go to his youth group will only make him want to hang somewhere else that you are not at, like with older kids. He is 15 and this is what 15 year old's generally do.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by alabamaman

wow you all seriously dont know how to talk to somebody properly
youre taking advice from someone who says hes a teenage mind yet has never touched anything and never will then how the hell would he have insight into someones mind who smokes pot first off id like to say that i do smoke it
and the thing you have to realize is that by confronting him and punishing him for doing so will not solve a damn thing.
secondly you gotta realize that he wasnt peer pressured to he did it because he was curious and those guys he hangs out with are his friends and probly the only people that get him truly.if you go ahead and never let him hang out with his friends and punish him for smoking some weed youll make him really pissed at you and hate you for it and he wont stop.the way you got to look at it is realizing it from a different point of view.

obviously he smokes pot because he enoys it.
is a ciggarette smoker a bad person?

pot doesnt have any addictive propertys.
but things like alcohal and ciggarettes both do

pot is alot better for you then youd actually think and its been proven to help prevent and help prevent alzhemiers,certain cancers,high chlorestreol,and a bunch other things

no matter what if u like it or not teenagers are gonna be curious and get into different drugs and drink and party and make bad choices but
pot is a responsible choice for somebody who wants to relax and have a good time without going overboard and puking there guts up all night with alcohal poisoning
or look like a goof and say things they dont mean.

and also recent studys show that pot isnt a gateway drug


so in conclusion i guess what im tryna say
and im saying this from youre sons exact point of view
(because im the same age same situation)
just simply ask him if hes being responsible with it and not getting into other drugs or drinking
and dont punish him for something he enjoys
because the reason alot of people smoke pot besides it being enjoyable is because of some sort of stress it has relieved them from
and things like grades dropping and declined interest in activity doesnt usually happen directly because of pot trust me im active like crazy walk everywhere skateboard try to swim as much as i can
and anything else thats fun and i smoke pot all the time
so dont get pissed at him

---

I completely agree, and hope that she listens.

I have just found out my son ,who is 16 is taking weed ,his sisters boyfriend was getting it for him which has made me really angry,he has moved out of my home as I said he was grounded ,he has moved in with his sister ,so I can only presume he still takes it ,my heart is broken and I am sitting here crying as I write this ,he is a very intelligent boy and he done well in his exams ,but I don't know what will happen now