Ask Me Help Desk - Divorced for 8 years, ex wife is putting me in the poor house!

Let me give some background, My ex wife and I have been divorced for 7 years, we have a 8 year old daughter. We are both remarried me for 6 years, her for 4. She has always been money driven even when we were married. When we divorced I gave her everything, the house, car, everything in the house, I paid for her tuition for her bachelors degree and some of the bills. I left with my clothes, my car and very few personal items. I had to start over and asked her for nothing. In our final judgement I was responsible for child support, alimony (totaling almost $4500.00 a month) 2nd mortgage and student loan. She gets to claim our child as a dependent on taxes even though I pay child support, child care and insurance. I even agreed to pay for all our daughters college expenses. She has set herself up to where she is not responsible to pay for anything when it comes to our child. I even pay for extra activities and birthday parties for our daughter.

My issue is this. I paid her almost $4500.00 for 4 years, ($216,000.00 total) then alimony ran out ( I was paying even though she remarried and had someone to support her). She was very upset that the cash cow had stopped. It was just child support now. I paid $1225.00 for my daughter. Let me just explain that I paid much more than I could afford for a long time. As a result of my child support and alimony payments my wife and I lost our home because our mortgage payments were basically going to her. At that time I could not afford an attorney to change things and she would not work with me so I had to pay as not to fall behind. Last October, I lost my job. I fell behind in child support for 2 months which totaled $2450.00. I was trying to seek employement as I am not a deadbeat. My wife owned her own business but was not making enough to support our family (my wife has 3 children) and pay that much child support as well. I told my ex that I lost my job to please work with me. She instead filed criminal intent charges and ask to have me sent to jail for being behind $2450.00 after as much as I have paid in the past and never asked for anything. I had to get a public defender and they kept me out of jail. We agreed to $300.00 a month until I found a job ( however I am responsible for her attorney fees). I took a job not making much money right now but it is better than not working at all. She went to court and somehow got an income deduction order to take 50% of my pay each paycheck. I pay for child care even though she works from home and my daughter doesn't need after school care and I pay $120.00 in health insurance even though her entire families premium is $140.00. We can barely afford food for our family, we are losing everything and she is taking 50% of what I make.

What can I do. I can't afford an attorney. Does she not understand that by strapping me, it is affecting my daughter when she is with me? I am trying to find a better job but with unemployement as high as it is, it has been difficult.

What are my options? I don't know what to do. Do I need to go out and get 3 jobs so I can support my family and she still gets 50% of what I make. If I work 3 jobs and make $4000.00 she will get $2000.00. It does not take that much money to raise a 8 year old whom she has roughly 18-20 days a month. She just wants extra income so she does not have to go out and get a job. She has not truly worked since our daughter was born. I know I need to support my daughter, I have no problem but when is enough-enough? Why should my ex be put in a superior financial situation while we can barely eat? Why should I have to pay for after school care when she can pick her up after school because she does not work outside the home ( in fact my daughter is usually there for about an hour and a half each day), why should I pay $120.00 a month for insurance when her entire premium is $140.00. I feel as if I can't get ahead. Even if I make more she gets more... it never ends. I just can't afford it!

I need to know what I can do and if I am being unreasonable or if I have a valid concern. I know there are many mothers that would just like to receive child support because their ex's do not pay. I have always paid ( a lot ) I just can't afford what I used to pay. I think 50% is crazy. PLEASE HELP!

You most likely need to go back before the judge. Even if you do it pro se (represent yourself). Two things that pop into my head... you stated that if you make more, more will go to her, that is not exactly true as the court order is for a certain amount, in order to get that increased based on your income she would have to go before a judge or petition the court at which time you could ask for a reduction. The second is that you stated that she doesn't work and you stated that she owns her own business... which is it? The reason for me asking is that in some states or maybe all? They have a new law that takes both parties incomes into consideration when they decide support. This could bring forth a reduction as well. Either way you slice it you need to go before a judge and petition the court for a reduction in child support sometimes it can even be retroactive, which would give you a bit of a credit to work with for a short period.
My guess is that since you have a history of paying timely and you are currently not making what you were making you will be in good standing with the judge. It's important though to be proactive and be an advocate for yourself and current situation.

How did she go to Court and get a revised child support order without your knowledge?

Here's my bigger problem - on this thread you are the male with ex-WIFE problems.

On your other thread you're the female with problems with your daughters. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parent...ml#post1588185

Which is it?

Well to answer a couple of questions. I saw my wife online asking about her daughters and I thought I would try with my issue. I just went to ask question, I guess she was already logged in. New to this... Sorry for confusion

My ex wife works from home however my current wife owned her own business (she has since had to close it down).

My ex wife actually would get more child support because she is getting 50% of my income. The IDO (income deduction order) stated that my employer is to deduct 50% from whatever I make and send it to the central government depository for dispursement to her.

I am not sure. She asked me to inform her when I got a job, I did that. She asked for a copy of my paystub, I did that. Next thing I know, I receive an IDO signed by a judge and now she is entitled to 50% of whatever I make. If I bring home $600.00 she gets $300.00. If I work overtime and my paycheck is now $800.00 she receives $400.00. I have never heard of this, I am confused and need advice. We can not continue this way!

Quote:

Originally Posted by mctc

My ex wife works from home however my current wife owned her own business (she has since had to close it down).

I apologize for not following the story correctly. Generally each state sets the amount based on a certain percentage, the arreages are most likely putting you over the normal percentage amount. I think it is very reasonable to think that you should go before a judge and ask for a reduction. Best of luck!

Thanks! I'm going to need it! I just hope I defend myself because she has a shark for an attorney.

Quote:

Originally Posted by mctc

Thanks! I'm gonna need it! I just hope I defend myself because she has a shark for an attorney.

Everyone who has to pay thinks the "ex" has a shark for an Attorney.

I’ve been a Father’s Rights Advocate for 20 years.

First, you need to know that the child support guidelines are not set in stone. They are just guideline. You can make a case for not paying so much.

You need to file a motion to modify your child support. If you are current in your support, you can do this by making an official request for a modification at the child support enforcement office under the provisions of Public Law 12.

If there are arrears, contact the Clerk of the Court and request forms for filing for a modification, Pro Se.

You will need to get a copy of the child support guidelines and worksheet from child support enforcement to determine if you have cause for a reduction. There needs to be at least a 20% difference in his payment.

NEVER pay your child support directly to the mother as it can be considered a gift and not support. Always pay threw the court.

If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There's an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.

DadsHouse : Building a Shelter for Fathers/Children

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

I’ve been a Father’s Rights Advocate for 20 years.

First, you need to know that the child support guidelines are not set in stone. They are just guideline. You can make a case for not paying so much.

You need to file a motion to modify your child support. If you are current in your support, you can do this by making an official request for a modification at the child support enforcement office under the provisions of Public Law 12.

If there are arrears, contact the Clerk of the Court and request forms for filing for a modification, Pro Se.

You will need to get a copy of the child support guidelines and worksheet from child support enforcement to determine if you have cause for a reduction. There needs to be at least a 20% difference in his payment.

NEVER pay your child support directly to the mother as it can be considered a gift and not support. Always pay threw the court.

If you want to learn how to do all this go to Dads House in Yahoo Groups. There's an educational manual in the file section that can teach you what you need to know. Take the time to learn what you can and should do.

DadsHouse : Building a Shelter for Fathers/Children

This is absolutely incorrect "legal" information in NY. Child support paid directly to the mother in the amount set by the Court is NEVER "considered" to be a gift. Many Courts won't allow you to pay support "threw" that Court without reason - the Courts are busy enough without keeping records of child support.

NY child support is by Statute. It's 17% for one child. There IS no room for negotiaton.

You don't sound like a Child's Rights Advocate. You sound like a person who assists the non-custodial parent in NOT supporting a child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is absolutely incorrect "legal" information in NY. Child support paid directly to the mother in the amount set by the Court is NEVER "considered" to be a gift. Many Courts won't allow you to pay support "threw" that Court without reason - the Courts are busy enough without keeping records of child support.

NY child support is by Statute. It's 17% for one child. There IS no room for negotiaton.

You don't sound like a Child's Rights Advocate. You sound like a person who assists the non-custodial parent in NOT supporting a child.

I've worked with fathers for 20 years and have seen my fair share of cases where fathers in every state have been ordered to pay retroactive child support, even though they have evidence they were giving the mother money.

The state profit from the payments made through the state. They get federal matching funds under Federal Public Law 12, of which only an average of 17% is actually spent on child support programs. The more they can show is being paid through the state, the more they gain from the feds. Plus, under that same law, it is mandatory to have payroll deduction in all cases.

It's not easy to negotiate a child support order, outside the "GUIDELINES", but not impossible. I've known plenty of fathers that have done it. Your type of talk is why so many fathers don't go for custody, because they are told it's not possible.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JudyKayTee

This is absolutely incorrect "legal" information in NY.

I neglected to add this:

SEC. 103. STATE GUIDELINES FOR CHILD SUPPORT AWARD AMOUNTS.
(A)(a) GUIDELINES TO CREATE REBUTTABLE PRESUMPTION.-Section 467(b)
Of the Social Security Act is amended-
(1) by inserting (1) after (b):
(2) by striking, "but need not be binding upon such judges or other officials;" and
(3) by adding at the end the following new paragraph:
(4) "There shall be a REBUTTABLE presumption, in any judicial or administrative
proceeding for the award of child support, that the amount of the award which would
result from the application of such guidelines is the correct amount of child support to
be awarded. A written finding or specific finding on the record that the application of
the guidelines would be unjust or inappropriate in a particular case, as determined under
criteria established the State, shall be sufficient to rebut the presumption is that case."

Quote:

Originally Posted by GeorgeMcCasland

I've worked with fathers for 20 years and have seen my fair share of cases where fathers in every state have been ordered to pay retroactive child support, even though they have evidence they were giving the mother money.

The state profit from the payments made through the state. They get federal matching funds under Federal Public Law 12, of which only an average of 17% is actually spent on child support programs. The more they can show is being paid through the state, the more they gain from the feds. Plus, under that same law, it is mandatory to have payroll deduction in all cases.

It's not easy to negotiate a child support order, outside the "GUIDELINES", but not impossible. I've known plenty of fathers that have done it. Your type of talk is why so many fathers don't go for custody, because they are told it's not possible.

Again - you work only with FATHERS. How about MOTHERS who are denied custody? Please list the cases you have worked on in NY that have resulted in the 17% (for one child) support amount being reduced by the Court.

I have worked in the system for many years and am not aware of one.

And, again, your interest is helping the NON CUSTODIAL parent get out of paying support to the CUSTODIAL parent.