I once had a man that I loved and broke my virginity I also broke his we were both first love.My grandmam found out & said we are relatives & can't marry we parted then he inquired from his parents & we are not closely related so we could marry but, I had moved on though I still loved him so much he immediately asked the sister to get him a lady which he married the next week to forget me.I had a daughter with my boyfriend whom we broke up after five years.My first love has two girls as well, am in Europe went for my vacation last year we meet and found out that we still loved each other we even had sex.then the wife called while we were having sex and he laid that he had a missed transport back & was spending at a friend.It hurts but I don't want to mess his marriage on my last day of vacation we spend together & had sex and he is insisting of marrying me as a second wife he was even ready to introduce me to the parents.I love him but I don't want to break his marriage but he insists that I was his first love, kiss and am the one who broke his virginity.Am back in Europe and I can't sleep for the last three months(we saw each other after 15years) as I keep thinking about him,I send him sms,he calls, but of late he is not financially stable & I have been supporting him,but am scared if he can cheat on the wife who is closer what about me who am supporting miles away? I asked him that as am a direct person & he said he has never cheated I was his first love and will always be his love,so he doesn't consider that cheating, and he still has a photo that we took together 15years ago that has made him sent the wife away every time she hides it so am still in his hurt and his first born daughter is even named after me we have the same names. Please advice.

He is in the past, leave him there. Don't ruin his marriage. Regardless of why he married her or after how long, you have no right to tamper in their marriage. Don't visit him anymore. No contact is best. He will always be a fond memory.

This would be a romantic story, except for one big glaring fact, he is married and he is cheating on his wife with you. That is unacceptable and poisons the purity of the love you shared. Its obvious his wife will not accept you, nor should she. No matter what he says, you need to stop seeing him, and supporting him, as he is stopping you from making a happy healthy life for yourself, and your child.

Move beyond the strings of the past, and get away from him, and his situation.

Well first loves are always memorable especially if you did give him your virginity. Finding out you are related by way of extended family is enough for me to move on and say "it was what it was". For him to get married the next week is a clear indication of rebound and insecurity but it does not change the fact that he is married and "should" be responsible and "should" respect that. If he was unprepared or "in the moment" then it was his decision and you are not to take any responsibility in that as we are all ultimately responsible for our behavior and decisions. He has children involved as well and further, you are not clear on the type of marriage he has or what circumstances he is in (only what he tells you). His relationship with his wife and/or children is his alone. I would have to say that by you condoning the type of behavior exhibited on the vacation was counter-productive to him, his marriage, his children, you, your relationship limitations and your children. You should absolve from seeing him any further (regardless of "the first love thing" (its called "first" love for a reason - it's a growing experience).

As it goes for the second wife thing - polygamy? Any man with more then one wife is just a "pig" as there is no need for this in this day an age as procreation is not a dilemma we are over populated and don't work on family estates as in the past.

Now after all this and after the sex, now your financially supporting him? You said you had a child? How about investing in your child's future and education then disposing it to someone who is potentially using you. If I misunderstood this and you are not financially supporting him but rather emotionally supporting him I would disconnect the lines because I don't like the idea of someone draining and using your energy which can be better utilized on yourself and your current situation of relationship dissolution's/personal growth.

He said he would never cheat on his "first love" but did with his second! Do you honestly believe that if he can't treat his current wife with respect that he would treat you with respect? How long do you think that will last for? I know it is sweet that his first daughter was named after you but it was an establishment of what was and what is not anymore.

On the other end IF he leaves his wife then so be it, he made his decision YOU and I believe you two can get back together at that point in time. For the duration, I would refrain from further communications until he does make his decision and makes his intent to "action". DON'T BE A SIDE DISH and DON'T ACCEPT ANYTHING LESS THEN ITS ALL OR NOTHING. I think you should put you and yourself respect first and he needs to know that as you are an independent, beautiful and deserving woman.

Best of luck.

It's an honest answer it' hard as am in love but I have changed my contacts.Thanks for the advice.

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Originally Posted by kajwisa

It's an honest answer it' hard as am in love but i have changed my contacts.Thanks for the advice.

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Good for you. Also, first love doesn't mean best love, so once you let this go, find yourself so you can find someone better.