I've been diagnosed with depression and ADHD. I feel sometimes like I'm going to crawl out of my skin. Its like I can't get suicide out of my mind. I think about it on like a daily basis. Even dream about it just about every night! Its seems like everything is falling apart and I am just messing up everything for everyone. I've even started abusing my medication (Ritalin) just to feel better. I don't care if I really die but I don't want to really. I'm afraid its going to get worse and worse and I could accidentally overdose. I try to fight the urges to take more pills but then I get the urge to self harm! Its like a big ball of complication. If I'm not on the pills then I'm cutting myself! Ahhhh I feel like a wreak of a person!! I don't really know who to turn to in this because I don't really have many people that support me or I could trust with something like this. I really need someone to talk to and some advice! Thanks for listening to my drama! Thanks
Amanda

Hello Amanda,that is one of my favorite names.

Abusing your medication is not only dangerous but could be the reason you are feeling as bad as you do.

I don't know if you are taking anti depressants as well ,but there can be side effects.
Sometimes anti depressant medication can cause you to have suicidal thoughts as well.It is more common in teens.

You need to talk to the doctor who prescribed your meds. And tell him how you are feeling.You need to get help and soon.

You are reaching out and that is a good thing.From here I can't really help you except to tell you what you have to do to help yourself.

There must be an adult in your life who you trust and respect that will help you through this difficult time.

If you need to speak to a real person ,here is a number you can call.It is all confidential and a toll free number.1-800-273-talk national suicide hotline

Please get help soon.I really think the medication and the abuse of it are causing you to spiral out of control.Help yourself honey and talk to an adult.

I really can't talk to anyone about this! My parents don't understand I feel like I'm a burden to them. We don't really get along very well. I am taking an anti-depressant Celexa it seems to be helping for the most part... maybe? I'm just freaking out! I'm not going to kill myself or anything but I need someone to talk I know that! I just can't get over this by myself... I'm basically my own enemy at this point!

What I found out about your anti-depressant is this
USES: Citalopram is an antidepressant (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor or SSRI) used in the treatment of depression in adults. It works by restoring the balance of natural chemicals (neurotransmitters) in the brain, thereby improving mood and feelings of well-being. Citalopram should not be used in children or teenagers due to lack of proven effectiveness in treating depression in children. Also, there have been reports of hostility and thoughts of suicide or self-harm occurring in some children using the drug.

Citalopram is the generic name of Celexa.http://www.medicinenet.com/citalopram-oral/article.htm
http://www.medicinenet.com/citalopram-oral/article.htm
I am not a doctor but this could be the problem and you have to get help..
If you don't mind my asking,how old are you?

Honey,I am quite sure your parents would be very very concerned if anything happened to you and they did not think you trusted them enough to come to them.They love you and even if you don't get along think about how they would be devastated if anything happened to you.

Please talk to them, soon and tell them about the Ritalin as well.They are there to help you!