Hi, I need some advice form you to get away form feeling down, but please don't judge me. My story is too long and my english is not too good. Sorry for that. Here is my story. Now, I am in my 22. I am a fatherless child since I was born. I don't know anything about my father or my father's relative. I have never heard about them or seen them. My mum is not in good term with the relative. So, I don't know any of my relative form my maternal side either. In my whole life, the only persons I knew as my family are my maternal grandpa and grandma, my mother and my sister. In my childhood, my maternal grandfather was the only one whom I can trust, but he passed away when I was 6 years old, just in my arm with diabetes. My sister and my grandma weren't good on my at all since I was born, till now. My mum was never home because she job is many hundreds miles away from home. My grandma and my elder sister were always abusing and ignoring me. My mum is the only person whom I can trust since my grandpa passed away, but it wasn't long, my mum married with another man and got a son when I was 11 years old. Since then she became the most cruel person in my life. She changed everything she used to be. She never talked to me, she always blamed me, accused me whenever there is a problem. She doesn't allow me talk or closed to her. I don't know what I did wrong to chage her from what she used to be with me, but I know that I am no longer in her heart since she got a son with this man. I was suffering the ignorent for my whole life. I was letting down by my family. Since 12 years old, I don't talk to anybody until 18 years old. I was like a fool. In my 19, I run away with a ugly guy, not because of I love him, but because of I don't want to stand my mum anymore. But, it after two days I had been with him, we were apart by my mum. At that day, my mum apologized me for what she had done on me during those 8 years. I asked her why she treated me so bad though I was a very good child once. I was very clever students in all the class I had been. I was a beautiful kid. I didn't do anything wrong to anybody. And I told her to let me go away from them. So, she arranged me to go and live in oversea. Now, I have been alone in foreign country for three years. I got a boyfriend since after six months in oversea. He's the best person in my whole life, but I am not good enough on him. I just think like I need him because he is so good on me and I am lonely. I don't think like I love him deeply. I always feel angry alone and hurt him. I always imagine a sad story which is not reality and accused him for that. I am very sensitive. I want him to marry me and bring me out of the shade of my mum. I hate my life. I cannot stop myself from feeling down for my past. Actually, past is past. It's all over. Now, my mum, sis and grandma realize that they had been treating very bad and let me down. They already apologized me and we are on good term now. But I still can't get out from feeling down. What shall I do? I still don't like crowd or meeting people. I still feeling scared and doubt on everyone, even on my boyfriend. M I mentally ill? What can I do to forget those bad things?