Hello to everyone.. I decided to write on here cause I'm feeling really bad with myself. I don't know exactly why, just the last few days I'm feeling down 24/7, lol. Im a student in university so I did a new start in my life, I met new people, made new friends etc, but the problem with me is that I'm not so social, and the people that I met and the people who came a bit closer to me and we used to hang out abit, now they are speaking to me typically. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I can't keep a friend over a particular time. I mist admit though, that I'm a kind of shy person; you must talk to me first in order to get the courage and talk to you. I like going out and socializing but I'm doing something wrong, cause now they don't even text me to see how am I doing or something, they all pretend like I don't exist. And sometimes I make attempts to call them and tell them to do something, like go out or something and they telling me b*ll like they aren't able to come and stuff like that. You know I'm sick of telling them to hang out with me and they just making up excuses. I feel that everyone's abandoning me and I ended up hating weekends cause I'm all alone an I can't go out and have fun like normal people anymore. I can't believe that none's even calling me or texting me or come and see me or something. They only speak to me typically if I meet them somewhere by accident. Day by day I realize that I haven't got friends anymore cause if I did they would be here with me on my hard times or at least talk to me, but I got loneliness instead,a and believe me I can't stand it, its above my strengths.. omg I've never been to a situation like this and honestly I don't want anyone to feel like that cause it really sucks guys.. I don't know what else to do. Thanks, I just wanted to take it off me..

Hi, sunnylove!

Well, for one thing, it sounds like you have a tendency to beat yourself up. Do you act depressed when you're around people with whom you would like to be friends? If so, that could be part of your problem.

What sort of things do you like to do, please? Depending on what you like to do, I can think of some activities that we could do together right on this site that might help to make you feel better about yourself.

I and others, can also give you some positive, proactive ideas as well as coping strategies that can help you with your relationships with others.

Thanks!

Not everybody is a social butterfly.Some people are more reserved than others.You just need to find the right crowd of people who are more like yourself.

We all have down times and sometimes it is caused from stress or not getting enough exercise ,not eating properly.

Could it be that maybe you are feeling a little homesick?

Try to find some extracurricular activities that you have always been interested in.You will meet people who share your interest and so conversation should come easily as you will have a shared topic.

In public,put on a happy face.No one wants to sit around with someone is is moping all the time.

Try not to dwell on your shortcomings but instead concentrate on your assets.
Believe in your personal worth and value yourself and others will follow suit.

Yes, a person can turn their "scars into stars" if they really try.

Thanks!

"Scars into Stars" Love it Clough!

The above answers were right on the mark. Try not to just stick with one group of people. Find something that you are passionate about. It could be anything from music, to pets,---well there are so many things where you could meet friends that had the same interests as you have.

The best way to meet new friends, is to find some commonality. If you are always looking to fit in, and are always worried why "friends" aren't calling or are busy, then that will likely show, in the way you handle yourself when you are with them.

Try not to be the wall flower. Take charge of the room when you walk in. The more confidence you have in yourself and the capabilities and talents that you have, the more people that will take notice, and will be drawn to you.

Work on yourself confidence a little, and then just take control of the situation. You will likely discover that these people that you wanted to be friends with, are boats that pass in the night. There will be another boat that floats up right behind if you give it a chance.

I know that sounds really corny, but the logic in it all is very true.

You can always come and talk to us if you need a boost up honey. :)

I think a good way to make friends is by doing things you enjoy, and trying new things. Start making a list of both, and go from their. Remember, confident happy people attract the same.

Hi again, sunnylove!

I can see that you're logged onto the site right now, sunnylove and I'm looking forward to your response here!

We would really like to help you!

Thanks!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clough

Hi again, sunnylove!

I can see that you're logged onto the site right now, sunnylove and I'm looking forward to your response here!

We would really like to help you!

Thanks!

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I am here too and I would love to have an update so you can tell us how today is going?

C'mon say hi :D

Aw firstly I would really like to thank you all for your answers guys, I really appreciate that:).

Clough, personally I believe I got the tendency to beat myself up, as you say, its not something that I want to, it just comes naturally to me, lol. Basically when I'm around people I don't act depressed, the opposite, I'm in a really good mood cause I know that I'm around people and that I got someone to talk to. That's a bit strange maybe, but whenever I'm surrounded by people I automatically become one other kind of person, more sociable and kind of more confident than before. Erm, what do you exactly mean by what do I like to do? As in hobbies? Well I like listening to music, dancing, being with friends ;p, generally doing stuff with friends, hehe, don't know if that helps.. And finally thanks that you and the others are willing to help me finding solutions for my problem.

Artlady, basically I believe I got a problem with socializing and that's one of the main reasons that I'm like this right now. Another reason I believe as you said, is my really low confidence. That's not helping me and I might show to others that I got low confidence, not because I want it though.. I got extremely low confidence even when I'm walking down the street, or going to university on my own. And I also believe that your advices are really helpful, thanks a lot:)

Starbuck8, I must admit that I'm exactly how you said it, I'm "looking to fit in" that's so wrong though, and I know I need to change it. I think I'm insecure as well, because I know I prefer being on the side, I don't like being the centre of attention. I feel like I missed the chance of making new friends cause most of people here were alone on the beginning of the uni-year and they became friends later. I've tried to do the same with my mates in uni, but is that I mentioned before; it didn't work out, and I feel that I failed.

Talaniman, that's indeed a good way of making friends, and I really need to do something fast cause I feel that I can't stand this situation anymore. As I mentioned before, my confidence is really low and whenever I talk or hang out with some people I got the feeling that they are just hanging out with me just like that, not because they are trying to become friends with me and I might sound kind of distant to them, that's maybe something that drives them back..

Anyway, thanks again for your helpful answers guys, honestly I appreciate that:), and sorry for that long answer!

Do you play a musical instrument, sing or maybe write poetry and/or the lyrics to songs, please?

Thanks!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Clough

Do you play a musical instrument, sing or maybe write poetry and/or the lyrics to songs, please?

Thanks!

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I'd like to, but no I don't! :(

I can show you on this site how to write the words to a song and also how to put it to some simple music that you can play on the piano!

Would you be interested in trying something like that?

Thanks!

Hmm yeah sounds really interesting, but is it going to help me with that problem?

It should help you with your self-confidence, being creative, enjoyment with something that you can do yourself and potentially also give you a new tool to use with making connections with people because of what you're able to share with them.

Thanks!

Clough is so right as little accomplishments, not only bring satisfaction, and happiness, but confidence also. People are always glad to share happiness with others. Its always attractive to share your happiness too!

Tal and Clough are right. The more things you involve yourself in, the more confident you will become, and the more you will have to talk about with people that will make you an interesting person, that people are drawn to.

For instance, when my brother was younger, he was shy and didn't have many friends. So he went and bought a cheap acoustic guitar and a book to teach him the notes and how to play. He started telling people that he was getting pretty good at playing the guitar, and people wanted to come over and listen. Once he learned, he got himself a keyboard, and did the same thing. Then he got himself a drum kit. (it didn't hurt that my parents owned a music store, so he got a deal lol) but today he can pick up almost any instrument you can think of, and play it. Now it's almost annoying, because he walks around like he's God, and people follow him wherever he goes!

It doesn't have to be music though, just anything you enjoy! Do you like pets? You could volunteer at a shelter a few hrs. a week. Or volunteer your time at a hospital, or a nursing home. There must be a ton of things you could do on campus. Volunteering makes you feel good about yourself, and makes you feel like you are helping someone else. That will boost yourself confidence, and you will have lots of things to talk to people about. Also, it's a chance to meet new friends.

Also, I would go to the library and check out a few self help books. There are some pretty good ones actually, and they're not cheesy like some were a few yrs. Back.

When you go out with people, how do you talk to them? People love talking about themselves. Make the conversation about them. Compliment them on their hair, or their outfit---something that sticks out to you. Then ask them who their hairdresser is, or where they shop, etc. Everyone likes a compliment, and likes to talk about themselves and things that they are interested in.

I remember reading a book a long time ago, and it talked about "mirroring," in order to attract people to you. You copy or "mirror" the actions they make in a subtle way. For instance, if they scratch their nose, scratch yours shortly afterwards. If they do something with their hair, you do the same. Just watch closely for the little things they do, and then you mirror their behaviour. The key is to do it in a very subtle way. I decided to try it, and I was shocked to see that it actually really works! I think one of the other things it does, is make you focus on the person you are talking to. I can't remember the name of the book, but you can likely find one about mirroring in the library, or even try and Google it.

Good luck, and let us know how you do! :)

Hey guys sorry for the late reply, anyway, wow what a great ideas, honestly.. I'm going to try and apply them and I hope they'll work! Oh by the way I haven't been out in ages... everytime some of them will postpone it or when I attempt to tell them to go out none's able. Or I ask them how was their weekend or something and they say "i went out and it was amazing blah blah...i was gonna call u but i thought it was too late and i didnt wanted to disturb u.." yeah right... that's why I'm getting angry and really disappointed and all my hopes disappear. Cause I know they are making up these excuses.. I mean is it possible, they didn't wanted to disturb me. Haha. Anyway thank you all once again :) and I'm going to try the "mirroring" method, sounds interesting!

Hi again, sunnylove!

So, what positive things have been happening in your life, please?

Thanks!

Yes, the mirroring was a little strange a first. I thought the people were going to notice that I was copying them, and I was going to be caught. I was really surprised to find out that not a single person noticed I was doing it! If they picked up their drink, I picked up my drink, if they swirled their straw, so did I. If they flipped their hair back, scratched their arm, made any type of gesture,---same thing. All of a sudden, it seemed like all of these people that weren't really interested before, were suddenly talking to me. Oh, and by the way... it works GREAT with guys! I had a ton of dates after I started doing it! ;)

Another little thing I found, was along with complimenting them, (careful not to over-do that) people like hearing their name! When you see them, or when talking to them on the phone, don't just say "oh hi." If it's on the phone, make your voice sound like you are in a fabulous mood, even if you're not. If you sound grouchy, someone can often tell that on the phone. Answer the phone like you are having the time of your life, and say oh hey "Jen" ---that's funny, I was just thinking of that time we were out and you were being so funny! You get the idea. You could also ask your friends for advice. Most people will be happy to tell you what they think, and they like to show off. Just pick something you think they might know about.



Another thing you could do, is throw a party, and invite the people you DO know, and tell them to bring a friend. You don't have to spend a fortune. Chips or veggies and dip will do, and maybe a cool spiked punch, or something like that, since you are likely strapped for cash. Or, it could even be something like a barbecue, and maybe you could find a sale on burgers and dogs.

Another thing that comes to mind, is there must be some social groups on campus too. Join one that appeals to you.

Try not to show negativity. Just be yourself, and a lot of people will like you just the way your are. :)