First of all please don't judge me. What I'm going to tell you is not for the closed minded.

I've been married for about 5 years with no kids. We had very frequent fights with my wife.

One day I met this beautiful girl working at the coffee shop near the place where I worked. I started talking to her without any purpose, it just felt so right for both of us.
After a few months of chatting I asked her out. We went to a bar and she told me that she's married and her husband is abusing her. I told her I was married too and that I have problems too. We hit it off, we were going out for drinks once or twice per week like friends.

After about a year, she left her husband and we started real dating. I was doing things that no guy ever did for her like sending flowers and stuff - I was the perfect boyfriend. She needed that after breaking up with her abusive husband.

We started having sex and after a few months, it looked like she really loved me. But I was not ready to break my marriage for her.

After 3 years of dating, we did so many things together, you can't even imagine! I have my own business and have money and flexible time, and we did things very few people have time or can afford to do. We had so much fun, it's not funny.

I'm still in love with my wife but I truly love my girlfriend too!

But recently my GF met someone and does not want to go out with me. She has one excuse after another. I know that she has lots of fun when we go out, but making excuses more and more. I'm heartbroken.

She has fluctuated in being in love with me and out several times. I have considered leaving my wife for her, but I'm afraid that my GF is not very stable.

I'm not really looking for advice, just wanted to vent a little, I have never told anyone about my secret life. I bet I am not the first guy in this mess.

Before all of this, I was the most honest person you can imagine, never lied. None would ever suspect I could do all of this. I found out that life is not black and white.

Please don't reply if you have nothing positive to say.

You helped her get out of her marriage, physically and emotionally. You're still married, she wants to be in a monogamous relationship with someone. That's what I see. No judgement, just the truth from my view.

She is not happy being your cake.

She used you to help her emotional escape her marriage and divorce.

I have to agree with ChihuahuaMomma... You were there for her when she needed you and I am sure you helped her a lot in her life. But now it is time for her to move on and find a good, solid, faithful man.

You have to ask yourself, how would she be able to trust your faithfulness to her when these are the circumstances you met under.

Chalk it up as you two found each other, got what you needed from one another, and parted ways. Let her be happy and go back and salvage what you can of your marriage. I am sure your wife deserves to have such wonderful experiences as much as your EX-gf did.

"In love with both my wife and my GF!"

With love like this, I would rather be single also.

I agree with DrJ.

Is your wife aware of your girlfriend and your shared emotions?

She might be flattered that you weren't willing to leave her for your affair.

I'm sure if you spent all that extra energy that you spent on your girlfriend on your wife, you won't fight as much.

Do you think she's suspicious and maybe that's why she's crabby with you?

Hope you had fun, even though you crossed the lines of good behavior. Now what? When do you focus on the marriage, and not just your own fun?

You can't be married and have a girlfriend. You enjoy doing things that you would normally do when your in a relationship when someone but you don't want to leave your wife for her. In a way the two of you was using one another for their own reasons but things got tougher once feelings started getting involved.

I think you need to be honest with your wife about this affair you been having behind her back for the last few years with this woman and let he decide whether if she wants to stay.

Because what hapiens if you leave this girl alone than the next beautiful face comes along and you start something with her?

You were her rebound. You helped her to get out of a bad situation. Now she is ready to move on.

If you still love your wife, then you are lucky that the GF is the one to break it off. You don't have to stop doing all the fun things you were doing - just do them with your wife from now on. Maybe having fun will put the spark back in the relationship.

What an incredibly painful position that you are in. You will want to be very clear in what it is that you want to do. You should also be honest with your wife in what you have done and allow her to make the decision if she wants to be a part of this anymore or not.

Your girlfriend is the healthy of you too, in that she wants a real relationship, one that she can call her own. You are just as damaging to her as the abusive husband because you are hurting her too.
Not trying to be judgmental although it is hard. Once you have straightened out what you would like to see happen in your future, be honest with everyone involved and then repent for going against the vows that you took when you married your wife. I say that because until you do you may reap what you sow.

You play with fire ,you get burned,it's that simple.

It doesn't sound like you gave your marriage much of a chance before you cheated.

You were two years in,that is a critical time in marriages.What happens in those first two years sets a precedent for the future.That is the time the marital bond is formed or not.

Instead of taking the easy way out ,you should have fought for your marriage at that time instead of going elsewhere for comfort.

Leave the GF alone and let her have the committed relationship she wants and deserves.You are afraid the GF is not very stable.In other words you are waiting this out to see if her relationship fails so you can return to your cheating.

You are by far not the only cheater who has come here confused and in love with two people but rarely do they have as little remorse as you.

Have you ever asked yourself what you would do if the shoe were on the other foot and your wife had been unfaithful for 3 yrs.

Have you considered that the GF went from one man who gave her abuse to another who inadvertently was not available? Psychologically, maybe that was all she could handle at the time.Now that you have helped her heal ,she is ready for something real.

So this isn't the ending you hoped for ,what scenario were you hoping for where no one gets hurt and everyone ends up happy?

What I think is that she basically just needed someone to be there for her when she was going through some very tragic problems, and you were there for her. Now that she's been out of her marriage and found out that she can be okay without him, she really doesn't have a need to be in a relationship with you anymore. You shouldn't try to be with this girl anymore, its not worth your time, money, or marriage.

Just because you and your wife fight, does not mean that you can not work through your problems somehow, one way or another. Like you said, life isn't black and white, and not everything is perfect. If you are in love with your wife, prove it.

I think you should thank the girlfriend.

She took making the choice away from you, rather than wait for you to reject her, she rejected you first. Now you are here as a lover scorned, by someone you wished to scorn.

I'm taking his advice, as I have nothing positive to say to this cheater and am bowing out.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

I'm taking his advice, as I have nothing positive to say to this cheater and am bowing out.

---

You have no idea how tempted I was to comment on this thread... instead, I will reach for my ice cold beer and keep my mouth shut... first for everything! :D

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

You have no idea how tempted I was to comment on this...instead, I will reach for my ice cold beer and keep my mouth shut...first for everything! :D

---

I'm so sad.I was looking forward to a virtual slam dunk :(

Well I will say it if no one else will - you are a spoiled, selfish jerk who doesn't deserve his wife. Have you ever considered the pain that you will put her through? Probably not. You don't want negative replies? You want to vent? Go to a therapist.

It's seems like he love his girlfriend more than his wife anyway and then at the end of his post he wrote "I bet I am not the first guy in this mess", yes you aren't first one to cheat on their wife and won't be the last. And you should know wrong is wrong and clearly what your doing and have been doing for the last 3 years is wrong.

Oh my. This would make for a good soap. But I digress.

My advice? Leave both. You aren't committed to your wife, your GF isn't committed to you, and when your wife finds out (And believe me, invariably she will) it will just get worse. Tell your wife you've been having an affair, and break it off. Tell your girlfriend that she if she doesn't want to be with you, then you're breaking it off. And once that's all done, and the papers are filed, put on you're dancing shoes, put a condom in you're wallet, and hit the dating scene. Why get married at all? Monogamy has a 50/50 chance of failing, and it sounds as if your coin turned up tails.

But either way, you have to end it one way or another, and as soon as possible, before the situation becomes even more tangled.