Hello, I need to some help. I just found out that my boyfriend of 3yrs had been talking to another woman and on feb the 14th he went up there to see her and had lunch so he says. I did not all of this until last week because he was acting funny on the computer and I went into his email and found letters he wrote her about making resevations to a hotel room that he would pay when he got there and the whole time I though he was going do his job he lied to me. When I confronted him he did not denie it but told me he did sleep with her I just don't know what to believe! Now I struggling to stay or leave him I love him with all my heart and I am sooo hurt! It has been aweek since I found out and he ascts like nothing ever happen he tells me he loves and that I he would never leave but I can't help but to wonder if is still wanting to talk to her? I deleted his e-mail account and made him call the girl to tell her he had a girlfriend and he did. But it just doesn't seem like enough I cry all the time and when he goes to work my heart does flips because he meet her at one of the hospitals her transport pataints to. I wonder in my head if and when he goes back to that hospital will her talk to again. This has been so hard on and I feel lost and lonely. Please some help me

Leave him. He lied. He cheated. You don't deserve to be treated this way.

Okay normally I say about the same thing on cheating but for you it depends on one things. Did he act like he cared you were hurting? Did he apologize to you? Did he look you in the eye? Does he show anything when he sees you crying? Does he show any guilt?

He slept with someone else on VALENTINE'S DAY. That in itself shows that he has no consideration for you, your feelings, your relationship, or your future. You deserve so much better.

Well the reason I ask these questions is because I have always thought people deserve a second chance, but if he shows no remorse in this act then leave him. If he obviously regrets what he did and is trying to make it up then give him a second chance but keep in mind if he hurts you again it is no ones fault but your own. Reason? If he feels terrible and it shows then there is a chance he won't do it again, but if he doesn't feel bad about it and it shows then he WILL do it again I can almost gaureentee. If you aren't sure then test him. Everyone does little things when they lie (play with their hair, look away, etc.).

Yeah told me he was sorry but now he ascts as if I should forgive and forget. It really hard too. I have so much invested in this relationship just to leave him I lose everything. So I trying to see if we can work on things. Now he calls me all the time from work or while he on the road but my heart is still uneasy

So, he assumes that "I'm sorry" erases all bad deeds? That's not good. If you are willing to give him a second chance, then he needs to earn it.

If you think you can truly forgive him and by truly I mean,you don't rub his nose in it every time you have a spat,then you have a lot of work ahead of you.

The most important thing to begin healing from this is that he needs to know exactly how much he hurt you and he needs to make amends in every way possible. Not forever but he needs to fully understand how deeply he has hurt you.

Repairing trust after cheating does not happen overnight and he needs to accept that the rules have changed and he needs to re earn your trust.

Some relationships can't withstand this type of deal breaker and you need to truly commit yourself to a lot of work in order to survive it.

Counseling is your best bet.It can help you both understand the whys of this and how your going to fix it ,if in fact,it can be fixed.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tamara1974

he did sleep with her i just don't know what to believe!!

---

I am sorry I don't see the confusion. He slept with someone else, that is cheating.

He hid a relationship - online and personal - from you, for who knows how long, that is cheating.

He is acting like nothing happened and that you HAVE to act the same, but he CHEATED.

Get up off knees, do not beg this man to pay attention, to admit his wrong doing, you have to leave. Cheating is a difficult enough thing to forgive, let alone forgive someone who isn't remorseful. YOU DESERVE BETTER and there are plenty better out there.

What you should have done is let him call his girlfriend and tell him he was on his way there from your house, that if a cheater is good enough for her, she could have him! Because you deserve better than that and then I would have put his behind on the curb.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tamara1974

yeah told me he was sorry but now he ascts as if i should forgive and forget. It really hard too. I have so much invested in this realtionship just to leave him i lose everything. So i trying to see if we can work on things. Now he calls me all the time from work or while he on the road but my heart is still uneasy

---

The fact that he acts like you should "forgive and forget" makes me wonder if he really meant the apology, he cheated, he hurt you, that is not something you just roll off your shoulders. If you want to give him a second chance, as said before, that is your call. Right now you need to make him realize you are still hurting and you need proof he would never do this to you again, a simple apology will not cut it, and you need to let him know that!

If you tell him you're still uneasy and he says something along the lines "I said I was sorry" then explain to him exactly how you feel! Explain I'm sorry does not cut it and doesn't exactly wrap steal bandages around the wounds. He needs to prove that he deserves you! He needs to prove he is worth staying with! And he needs to prove that he is worth the risk of a second heart break!

Thank guys for your advice I think ineed to see some one perfessonal to help me heel from this.Im going see if he want too and if he says no or gives me some @#$% up excuse then I going in with me my life I can't live like this I'm to young to be sad and unhappy

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tamara1974

thank guys for your advice i think ineed to see some one perfessonal to help me heel from this.Im going see if he want too and if he says no or gives me some @#$% up excuse then i going in with me my life i can't live like this i'm to young to be sad and unhappy

---

That's the ticket! :) good luck hope you find your way!

Forgiving cheating is VERY difficult. It requires a lot of time and a COMPLETELY recommitted partner. Just keep your eyes open.

Good luck to you.

If you allow this "boy", yes boy, to treat you in the way that he did, then he will most likely do it again. Guys test girls sometimes, they see which ones they can make the mistakes with. Which girls they are able to play them, and get away with it. You need to leave him, because he will probably do it again, and you will hurt worse when he does it again, because you will think about why you didn't leave him in the first place. You deserve much better sweetie.

Once a cheat always a cheat. Look at my quote <fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me> it rings true. He lied and cheated on you once, he can do it again. You would be mad to accept this kind of behaviour.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MiSSsy111222

once a cheat always a cheat. look at my quote <fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me> it rings true. he lied and cheated on you once, he can do it again. you would be mad to accept this kind of behaviour.

---

Sorry to say but I COMPLETELY disagree, not everyone is a once a cheater, always a cheater. There are some people who have cheated, have felt the enormous guilt and hurt that cheating caused and have FULLY committed themselves to EVERY relationship following.

It depends on the cheaters willingness to accept fault and see the guilt and hurt it causes other parties.

Last time I checked life isn't an etch a sketch, you can't shake it and then start from scratch. Hell, I wish it could but it doesn't, he doesn't care about his actions or your feelings. I would bet money that he will do this again, I'm an IT guy, e-mail accounts are a dime a dozen, it's very easy to create one that you don't know about.

It's not something than can be fixed with a simply "I'm sorry"

Okay maybe once a cheat always a cheat is not the case in some situations. Point being is that he cheated once, and that is enough. You are right you don't deserve to be sad and unhappy. He has cheated and the trust is gone. If you are willing to stay in this relationship then this issue will still be there.

Tamara1974--
This guy? Dump him. Don't wait.

Leave him alone for a while, and see how you feel after the emotional dust settles.

A few weeks mught make a difference.