My wife and I just moved into a new home. We have a 1 year old. I also started a new job this Monday.

My wife and I have not spent the night apart in 3 years. I have to travel out of state for 2 nights. She's very very upset and literally begged me to stay home. She is very depressed.

This trip is very important to my new job and I feel that only being here a few days... if I turn down this trip I'm going to destroy my reputation and future here.

I'm going... but she is telling me I won't be forgiven if I do it. Am I doing the right thing by trying to build our future? I've been talking to her mother and she's very able to be around for her. I'm torn and I don't want to feel bad this whole business trip.

Thank You

I had a career that spanned 39 years part with IBM and part with Lexmark.

I had plenty of business mandated business trips across that time. Manny of which I was able to take my wife and son with me.

I did this from the time I was a field tech out of Norfolk, VA and had to run down to NC's Outer Banks customers. My lady would sit by the bay and read while I took care of my work.

When I was in the labs, the trips were much longer and further away. If there was any way we could afford the costs, both my lady and son went with me.

My personal reason was that it was always nicer to come home to a hotel room and have family with me then to go to a bar and make an idiot of myself.

You know, I never regretted taking them.

One of the best trips we took was from Lexington, KY to San Francisco. The local airport was offering companion tickets for just $6.00. Since Lexmark was sending me on a last minute trip, they could only get me a First Class seat. My lady also got to travel First class for $6.00, round trip.

We ended up spending 7 days in San Francisco and got to do some major touring while I waited for the customer's print sub-system to be reviewed so I could (with lots of help) unsnarl the knots.

Take your lady with you, you will enjoy the familial benefits!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by donf

I had a career that spanned 39 years part with IBM and part with Lexmark.

I had plenty of business mandated business trips across that time. Manny of which I was able to take my wife and son with me.

I did this from the time I was a field tech out of Norfolk, VA and had to run down to NC's Outer Banks customers. My lady would sit by the bay and read while I took care of my work.

When I was in the labs, the trips were much longer and further away. If there was any way we could afford the costs, both my lady and son went with me.

My personal reason was that it was always nicer to come home to a hotel room and have family with me then to go to a bar and make an idiot of myself.

You know, I never regretted taking them.

One of the best trips we took was from Lexington, KY to San Francisco. The local airport was offering companion tickets for just $6.00. Since Lexmark was sending me on a last minute trip, they could only get me a First Class seat. My lady also got to travel First class for $6.00, round trip.

We ended up spending 7 days in San Francisco and got to do some major touring while I waited for the customer's print sub-system to be reviewed so I could (with lots of help) unsnarl the knots.

Take your lady with you, you will enjoy the familial benefits!

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I would love to take her but we do not have the money right now. We just moved and most of our money is tied up this week. Job only gave me a days notice. Daughter has daycare and such. For future trips we could arrange it but not this one. :(

I feel real bad.

I suspect your wife is just feeling the weight of so many new things. The baby is new, the move is new and now you are throwing another new things at her.

You need to explain to her that you understand her feelings, but that this job is important to her future as well as yours. Offer to take her away for a weekend when you come back or something like that. But let her know that you have to go on this trip.

I moved from one end of the country to another with a 1 year old, and a 3 year old. We arrived in Toronto to freezing rain, and drove in the dark in an old camaro several hundred miles due north, to the middle of nowhere.

We were in a rented house, as the job for my husband was temporary construction. He was up before dawn, and took the car back to Toronto where he had to do training for a week.

I was stranded. Took a taxi into town, found my way around and called a taxi to go home. Trouble was, I didn't know where 'home' was because it was dark when we arrived and was out in the country. We eventually found home because the Taxi driver knew the name of the man we rented from.

The house was full of mice. A pipe repeatedly broke in the basement, flooding and ruining many possessions as yet unpacked. I was miles away from anything looking remotely civilized, save for a neighbour who came to my rescue. (we are still in touch after 24 years).

We managed.

The whole point in telling you this is that, in comparison to what you have provided for your wife, including having her mother around to check on her, she really has it good. She has no need to be fearful of being on her own for only two days, and is being totally unreasonable to put this kind of pressure on you when you have to do this for your job.

You have provided a new house, another adult to help out, and it's only for TWO days.

She will never forgive you for doing your job??

I hope that as she is more settled and independent, she will ease up on you, and be more responsible and accommodating to what you need to do. This isn't a fishing trip with the boys after all.

Daycare just called... daughter is apparently sick too. Guess she's going to keep busy.

I'm putting my foot down and going. I'm going to feel bad and she'll probably be angry but we'll get over it. If we can't over this we won't get over much else I suspect.

Thanks a bunch!

I am having a hard time understanding your wife's position. This isn't like you are heading to Vegas for two days of pleasure.

I agree that because this is a business function, she maybe upset but she will get over it.

It is too bad that she is putting the additional pressure/stress on you when you are beginning new employment. Along with the effects of today's economy, this isn't a wise time to be telling you to put your family first.

Take it from another road worrier. It never gets any easier. When the wife starts making demands on you to boot it is far worse and much harder to make those trips. She needs to understand that this is part of this job. You do not like it any better than she does and that you will probably miss the family far more than she will miss you. Besides it is only two days. Try two weeks at a time when traveling out of the country. Or a one year deployment to a combat zone.