In 1991, I was ordered to pay child support to my ex when I let my daughter go live with him because he was in a better school district and he had a great job and could provide her with more than I could.
I told the judge that I could not pay support, because I had no employment, two small children with my new husband and the ex had plenty of money. He ordered me to pay. Well, I have refused to. He never received any state aid. My daughter is now 31 and I live with her and babysit my 5 year old grandbaby. Three years ago my driver's license were suspended. I have been asking the child enforcement that this is ridiculous to spend their time and money on a case thar is 18 years old. When does there come a time when the state needs to stop trying to collect this money. I am sure there are small children who needs the states help and they are wasting their resources with this case.

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Originally Posted by tebmom

In 1991, I was ordered to pay child support to my ex when I let my daughter go live with him because he was in a better school district and he had a great job and could provide her with more than I could.
I told the judge that I could not pay support, because I had no employment, two small children with my new husband and the ex had plenty of money. He ordered me to pay. Well, I have refused to. He never received any state aid. My daughter is now 31 and I live with her and babysit my 5 year old grandbaby. Three years ago my driver's license were suspended. I have been asking the child enforcement that this is rediculous to spend their time and money on a case thar is 18 years old. When does there come a time when the state needs to stop trying to collect this money. I am sure there are small children who needs the states help and they are wasting their resources with this case.

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I have to children from a previous marriage and pay $500 per month child support plus 200 a month in health insurance for them. I make $11 per hour, while my ex makes $13, to top it off she refuses to let me visit them. I am a man so does that make it OK for me to pay. Just because you are a woman does not mean you are not finacially responsible for your children!

In California (and this may be true in most states) there is no statute of limitations on child support enforcement and there are only a few (like two) defenses to collection of past due support, which don't apply to the vast majority of cases.

So to answer when there comes a time to stop child support enforcement, probably never unless you pay it or have the enforcement issue adjudicated in court.

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Originally Posted by rg61fc

I have to children from a previous marriage and pay $500 per month child support plus 200 a month in health insurance for them. I make $11 per hour, while my ex makes $13, to top it off she refuses to let me visit them. I am a man so does that make it ok for me to pay. Just because you are a woman does not mean you are not finacially responsible for your children!

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No! I feel that every case should be taken on its own merit. He paid me 975.00 a month for one child when he left me for his girlfriend. I let him talk me down to 200.00 a month after a year. My daughter is 31 years old now and how am I suppose to work without a license and then they take 75% of my pay, how can I pay for gas and insurance if I do work. He made 65,000 when they ordered me to pay! I am sorry for your circumstance but the laws need to be changed for both parents!!

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Originally Posted by tebmom

No! I feel that every case should be taken on its own merit. He paid me 975.00 a month for one child when he left me for his girlfriend. I let him talk me down to 200.00 a month after a year. My daughter is 31 years old now and how am I suppose to work without a license and then they take 75% of my pay, how can I pay for gas and insurance if I do work. He made 65,000 when they ordered me to pay!! I am sorry for your circumstance but the laws need to be changed for both parents!!!!

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I agree that the system in place now sucks and makes it impossible for me to better my situation that in turn would better my kids situation!

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Originally Posted by tebmom

No! I feel that every case should be taken on its own merit. He paid me 975.00 a month for one child when he left me for his girlfriend. I let him talk me down to 200.00 a month after a year. My daughter is 31 years old now and how am I suppose to work without a license and then they take 75% of my pay, how can I pay for gas and insurance if I do work. He made 65,000 when they ordered me to pay!! I am sorry for your circumstance but the laws need to be changed for both parents!!!!

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OK.. lets look at this. Lets hold it up to the light on its own merrit.

1) you were the parent of the child.
2) you gave away full custody
3) you figure that in doing so that's enough
4) you of your own thinking decided not to work.

So.. lets turn this around.

1) you kept the child full time
2) he didn't pay support because he was living off his new wife
3) hey.. he did his part so what's the big deal
4) new wife is very supportive and so he never has to work.


That sound fair too ?


The laws in most states are geared for the best interest of the child. How dare you as a parent think for one minute that because you did what you thought was right at the time relinquishs you from having to suport your child.

Your lucky if its not California because on arrearages they charge 10% per year. At this point you would be in deep.

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Originally Posted by tebmom

He ordered me to pay. Well, I have refused to.

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I have a real problem with this. I won't dispute that on the face of your story, you were not treated fairly. But where do you get the idea you can defy a court order with impunity?

There is no indication in your story about what, if anything you did to fight the order. All I see is your refusal to pay and therefore your defiance of a court order. From where I sit, you made your bed and now you have to lie in it.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

ok .. lets look at this. Lets hold it up to the light on its own merrit.

1) you were the parent of the child.
2) you gave away full custody
3) you figure that in doing so thats enough
4) you of your own thinking decided not to work.

So .. lets turn this around.

1) you kept the child full time
2) he didnt pay support because he was living off his new wife
3) hey .. he did his part so whats the big deal
4) new wife is very supportive and so he never has to work.


that sound fair too ?


The laws in most states are geared for the best interest of the child. How dare you as a parent think for one minute that becuase you did what you thought was right at the time relinquishs you from having to suport your child.

Your lucky if its not California because on arrearages they charge 10% per year. At this point you would be in deep.

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Number 1= I did not give up full custody! We had joint custody. It was better for my child to live with her father at that time because between him and his new wife they were bringing in over 100,000 a year and that was in 1991. He bought her a new car and anything else she ever wanted or needed. He only took me to court for support because his new wife hated me. I never had a problem with her. I had two young children by a new marriage and my 4 year old had problems that required me to be with him and not work. When my daughter came to visit we took her places and bought her clothes. She never went without. He had a house that was paid for by his mom. I'm not saying I did not need to support her, but he had my license suspended to "teach me a lesson" To this day he will not help our daughter financiallly. I live with her and take care of my autistic grandson. If he gets sick I cannot take him to the hospital because I cannot drive. My daughter would not be able to work if I wasn't here. I would pay the back child support, but they want 4600.00 for a 1200 support order because of interest. They want 500.00 up front before I can make payments. I am so sick of hearing you men gripe about support and when a woman complains you jump down the throat. I am taking care of my daughter now when she really needs it . She is 31 years old. Come on ex get over it!!

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Originally Posted by tebmom

Number 1= I did not give up full custody!! We had joint custody. It was better for my child to live with her father at that time because between him and his new wife they were bringing in over 100,000 a year and that was in 1991. He bought her a new car and anything else she ever wanted or needed. He only took me to court for support because his new wife hated me. I never had a problem with her. I had two young children by a new marriage and my 4 year old had problems that required me to be with him and not work. When my daughter came to visit we took her places and bought her clothes. She never went without. He had a house that was paid for by his mom. I'm not saying I did not need to support her, but he had my license suspended to "teach me a lesson" To this day he will not help our daughter financiallly. I live with her and take care of my autistic grandson. If he gets sick I cannot take him to the hospital because I cannot drive. My daughter would not be able to work if I wasn't here. I would pay the back child support, but they want 4600.00 for a 1200 support order because of interest. They want 500.00 up front before I can make payments. I am so sick of hearing you men gripe about support and when a woman complains you jump down the throat. I am taking care of my daughter now when she really needs it . She is 31 years old. Come on ex get over it!!!!

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Did you tell the judge all these things?

You think your case is different because you are a woman, we get that!

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Originally Posted by rg61fc

You think your case is different because you are a woman, we get that!

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She thinks her case should be fairly looked at because she has made life work. What are you looking at?

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Originally Posted by tebmom

I am so sick of hearing you men gripe about support and when a woman complains you jump down the throat.

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Um, I think you have this wrong. We are not jumping down your throat. Especially not because you are a woman. If a man posted the same thing, I would react the same way.

My issue with you is that you defied a court order. Not who you are, what sex you are, or any other factor. Had you not simply defied the support order, had you tried to fight it, you wouldn't be in the fix you are in.

What you need is an attorney to tell you how to best deal with it.

Hi,
I did try to fight this. I had to go before the same judge that issued the order in 1991. He said even though my daughter is an adult that I still owe the money to her father not to her. Why can't this be handled like a debt obligation and free up the Social Services for children who are in depsperate need to financial help. They have to have an attorney go to court for them every time I am brought into court and I am sure there is a paper load on them. I cannot have a car registered in my name, my car is sitting, I have the judgement on my credit which means I cannot even find a place to rent. They keep adding interest . My daughter also wants this over because I care for my autistic grandson and I have no transportation if he gets sick. Her Father can have this taken out of court and settle with me but he says he wants to teach me a lesson.
He admits he does not need the money but is being vindictive.
In the meantime my grandbaby is the one being punished.

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Originally Posted by tebmom

Number 1= I did not give up full custody!! We had joint custody. It was better for my child to live with her father at that time because between him and his new wife they were bringing in over 100,000 a year and that was in 1991. He bought her a new car and anything else she ever wanted or needed. He only took me to court for support because his new wife hated me. I never had a problem with her. I had two young children by a new marriage and my 4 year old had problems that required me to be with him and not work. When my daughter came to visit we took her places and bought her clothes. She never went without. He had a house that was paid for by his mom. I'm not saying I did not need to support her, but he had my license suspended to "teach me a lesson" To this day he will not help our daughter financiallly. I live with her and take care of my autistic grandson. If he gets sick I cannot take him to the hospital because I cannot drive. My daughter would not be able to work if I wasn't here. I would pay the back child support, but they want 4600.00 for a 1200 support order because of interest. They want 500.00 up front before I can make payments. I am so sick of hearing you men gripe about support and when a woman complains you jump down the throat. I am taking care of my daughter now when she really needs it . She is 31 years old. Come on ex get over it!!!!

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What a heaping crock of crap! I have no sympathy for you what so ever and you truly should be ashamed of your actions. Stop thinking about yourself and be accountable. He didn't take you to court because she didn't like you, he most likely took you to court because you needed to be brought to court rather than taking it upon yourself to be responsible enough to stand up and support your child. SEPARATE THE CHILD FROM THE PARENT. It's not about you.
Secondly I doubt at this point that the father has anything to do with the fact that they are following up on the owed support. You are in to the state for the support of your daughter and always will be until it is cleared up. Your license is suspended by the state NOT HIM. Your are very lucky that he has not taken it upon himself to have them find you in contempt of court and have you thrown in Jail. IT CAN HAPPEN OVERNIGHT!
Your ex is probably not willing to support your daughter because as much as you call it help you are living off her not with her.
Third If your grandson gets sick your daughter can take off work like every other mother with a sick child that needs treatment.
I am being rough on you, want to know why?. you continue to make excuses for your situation rather than own up to it and try to correct it. You have given reasons as to how you were able to support your daughter in the past. HOUSE WAS PAID FOR BY SOMEONE ELSE. Most families have the majority of their income going to house payments, you had the luxury of not having one. Also Had an additional income in the home. You just chose not to pay. Dug your feet in the sand and said MAKE ME. Well now they are.
This is really sad. Who in this lifetime has ever heard of child support that is not needed? What is that? Regardless of how much money your ex made, the support is going to the child not him. AGAIN Separate THE CHILD FROM THE PARENT.

Oh and you are right there are plenty of children that need the help of the state so do you mind paying so that they can get to work on some one else's case

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Originally Posted by tebmom

Hi,
I did try to fight this. I had to go before the same judge that issued the order in 1991. He said even though my daughter is an adult that I still owe the money to her father not to her. Why can't this be handled like a debt obligation and free up the Social Services for children who are in depsperate need to financial help. They have to have an attorney go to court for them everytime I am brought into court and I am sure there is a paper load on them. I cannot have a car registered in my name, my car is sitting, I have the judgement on my credit which means I cannot even find a place to rent. They keep adding interest . My daughter also wants this over because I care for my autistic grandson and I have no transportation if he gets sick. Her Father can have this taken out of court and settle with me but he says he wants to teach me a lesson.
He admits he does not need the money but is being vindictive.
In the meantime my grandbaby is the one being punished.

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Why in the world after all this time would he do you the favor and his daughter the injustice of dismissing this obligation. If nothing else it the principle. Clearly you still don't get it. Your grandson is not a victim. Stop feeding him that lie. This is your issue. FIX IT

Yes, if you are not working each state has a min amount that is still due. You can not merely "refuse" a court order, had your ex while he had the kids wanted to be a jerk, you could have been in contempt and placed in jaill.

You seem not to see the issue, while yes it is old and past, you were suppose to pay, and now you can either pay or merely not have a drivers license.

You need to take responsibility of your actions, stop blaming anyone but yourself, it was your choice and now you are paying for that choice.

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Originally Posted by MsMewiththat

Why in the world after all this time would he do you the favor and his daughter the injustice of dismissing this obligation. If nothing else it the principle. Clearly you still don't get it. your grandson is not a victim. Stop feeding him that lie. This is your issue. FIX IT

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I think you have gone a bit too far here. You have to remember that the daughter is now an adult. So any support that would be collected would go to the father as reimbursement for expenses he incurred while the daughter lived with him. Its very possible that the father was being vindictive (possibly at the new wife's behest) in pursuing support when the daughter came to live with him. By the OP's account, he really did not need the money.

That being said, the main issue here is that a court order was defied. Its being enforced now may be more a matter of that principle.

To the OP, you say you fought, but it sounds like you only started fighting when they actually started enforcing it. The time to fight it was when it was first issued. As long as you got away with defying the court you didn't do anything about it.

So the bottomline is still that you can't defy a court order and expect to get away with it. Apparently you did. And now that you find out you can't you are trying to place responsibility on everyone except yourself.

Scott Gem I respect your thoughts and comments. However, I am aware that the money will be going to the father, I am not misunderstood on this process, I am misunderstood on the mindset of this particular person and the attempt to get support or approval for such irresponsible actions. After all... really what is not needed child support? Money paid to the custodial parent that isn't needed? Never heard of it. He could have put it in the bank for the daughter upon graduation for college or to purchase a car, anything... Children are expensive and any additional assitance provided by the non custodial parent will most likely improve the life of that child. Perhaps you could choose private school instead of public. I did go hard on this OP. Her general attitude of "I didn't pay and how dare they waste the time to come after me now" really bothers me. In the world of support enforcement it's generally the squeaky wheel that gets the grease or the families that are on "the system". Her thoughts are that he is out to get her... if he was out to get her she wouldn't be currently in the position she is in. The mere fact that it has been this long really does in fact mean that he didn't pursue it. She had every opportunity to right the wrong in the beginning or over the last 20 yrs. In fact she is still not attempting to right the wrong, but trying to evade the obligation and still defends her actions... Really?
She has just now lost her license... for arreages that are over 20 yrs old. She has never been jailed? He hasn't pursued this. The county or state that she resides in is now attempting to clear the bookes of this old case. Not only that... most noncustodial parents that owe back support lose their tax returns, has she ever had a job even? WHAT PLANET IS SHE ON?

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Originally Posted by tebmom

Number 1= I did not give up full custody!! We had joint custody. It was better for my child to live with her father at that time because between him and his new wife they were bringing in over 100,000 a year and that was in 1991. He bought her a new car and anything else she ever wanted or needed. He only took me to court for support because his new wife hated me. I never had a problem with her. I had two young children by a new marriage and my 4 year old had problems that required me to be with him and not work. When my daughter came to visit we took her places and bought her clothes. She never went without. He had a house that was paid for by his mom. I'm not saying I did not need to support her, but he had my license suspended to "teach me a lesson" To this day he will not help our daughter financiallly. I live with her and take care of my autistic grandson. If he gets sick I cannot take him to the hospital because I cannot drive. My daughter would not be able to work if I wasn't here. I would pay the back child support, but they want 4600.00 for a 1200 support order because of interest. They want 500.00 up front before I can make payments. I am so sick of hearing you men gripe about support and when a woman complains you jump down the throat. I am taking care of my daughter now when she really needs it . She is 31 years old. Come on ex get over it!!!!

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The math here doesn't compute. How is your arrearage $1200 without interest when your daughter would have moved in with her father and the order was from 1991 when your daughter was 13. Even with child support set at $40.00/wk. which is pretty minimal your arrearage without interest would be over $10,000.00. Were you paying at one point in time and then refused? The math just doesn't make sense, is there more to the story?