I don't know what to do sometimes I get this strange sick feeling my boyfriend is atracted to my 7 year old daughter. When I met my boyfriend we were friends for ã long time and when we started talking about becoming ã couple he said that the hardest thing is that I have ã kid he didn't meet my daughter till way later in our relashionship Because I never wanted my daughter to meet my boyfriend inill I was certain it was seriouse. Anyway we lived together and my daughter lived with my parents because it was ã big adjustment for her anyway my daughter did stay over couple times she adores him and now that we moved in into ã new home after 2 years of being togdther I want her to stay with us full time he is OK with that the thing he is really good with her but sometimes I feel like there is something more to it and it sickens me I don't know what it is maybe I'm just crazy how do I know I mean my daughter has never said anything but sometimes the way he looks at her it scares me I hope I'm wrong I love him and I hate thinking this because it makes me hate him and I hate suspecting something so horific!

Protect your daughter, there has to be something giving you those feelings

Before a fall, there's always a warning or...

Trust your instincts, it won't be consolation that you loved him and your 7 yr old said nothing if it all turns out to be for the worst.

Go with your gut. Break up with him and be done. Let me share with you a time when I had a gut feeling about something.

I was married and had a gut feeling that I should look in a local entertainment newspaper - just a paper that says what's going on around town - which a lot of people used for personal ads at the time. I just had this weird feeling that I had to look at the ads. I did, and there was an ad that of course didn't identify who wrote it, but it sounded like my husband so I called the ad. It was him.

I had no reason to think he was cheating on him other than my "gut feeling". No proof, no change in his behavior to me, no known points of contention or dissatisfaction in the marriage. I just had a feeling he was up to something.

Another time I had a "gut" feeling that a man I was on a date with was not turning out to be a safe person for me to be with. He had been a perfect gentleman, had said nothing inappropriate... he was from a wealthy family and had all the right manners and social graces from travelling in the social circles he did, and having the high expectations of his father's business/social circumstances. Everything was totally respectful and considerate. But something about him bothered me. We had previously planned to end our evening at my apartment because I was having a party which he was coming to, also. During the party, I went into my bedroom briefly to use my bathroom and fix my makeup, and when I came out, he was in my bedroom in the dark, and pinned me against the wall in a little vestibule near my master bath. He wasn't going to let me through and was pretending to "wrestle" with me in a flirtacious way, but I could tell in that moment that if other people hadn't been there, he would have raped me. I was supposed to drive him home (his car was in the shop) but I decided to have a good friend - another guy - who also needed a ride go with me, and we dropped my date off first.

I've just learned that you have to trust your gut. You might have seen something or heard something that you didn't fully pay attention to, but it waved a red flag in your head. You don't see animals under threat sitting around worrying about whether they misjudged a situation or not... instinct needs to be followed.

What's he actually doing that's improper?

Or is it just being an overprotective mom that's making you think something that's not there?

I have no sympathy for real pedophiles... but far too many innocent people are falsely accused as well. You could have a case of an innocent guy trying hard to get your daughter to like him and be accepted.

I'm not sure what he is doing, exactly that would make you feel this way, but it's time to make a decision, and protect your daughter.

I have to agree... a mothers instinct can be a very good thing to have. Being a single dad, I would rather be single the rest of my life, then even CHANCE something happening to my daughter!

Its really very strange.

Keep your daughter away from your boyfriend.

ALWAYS GO WITH YOUR FIRST MIND... However, more specific information might lead to another point of view. Do you have any experience in your past that makes you more sensitive to this type of potential threat? Why does your daughter live with your parents? Do you trust your instincts or your judgment?

Let's see if I've got this right.

You meet a man. He has a problem because you have a child. You move in with him and your child moves in with your parents.

For two years.

Now the child adores him, he appears to adore the child, you want the child to live with the two of you - but something doesn't seem right to you. No proof, just an uneasy feeling.

I THINK people should listen to their inner voices.

I KNOW the day a man said to me, "I love you babe but not your child" the relationship would be done, over, finished.

I question your mindset, your motives, your mothering skills - and your common sense.

The more I read this the more bothered I am by what you have written. It almost appears that this story isn't given to us straight from the hip. The things that stick out to me are the things that you could be making up because you are aware of the response you would get from people knowing the truth.
I don't intend to offend you at all here, but If you and this man were friends from the start, why wouldn't it be reasonable for your child to meet him? Your just friends?
One day you deciding that you want to move in with a man that you had been with for two years and your parents saying OK, we'll take your daughter so you can shake up... your daughter being ripped out of her everday living arrangement with her mother isn't a big adjustment? It's honorable on their parts, but with out more of a reason behind it, it's questionable. I say all of this to say... your story is a little weak and maybe not all the way on the up and up here... HOWEVER

If you are in a home with a man that you feel may be harming or have the intent to harm your daughter don't second guess yourself and don't go based on what she says. Kids become ashamed, afraid and embarrassed to tell the truth. You have to know what you have written here is far more serious than just a question. It's your daughters life and future. Be serious.

To be the spoiler here... the people quick to point fingers ASSUMING he has or even will do something impropper. Put YOURSELF in the position of being falsely accused of something and havign to prove your innocence.

Put YOURSELF in the position of someone being accused of something he or she is innocent of from a slightly paranoid parent.

I've known too many parnoid people to assume Ituition is anything but paranoia.

Now unless anyone can point out anythnig REAL that he has done wrong or improper you have to assume he has no ill intentions legally. Most people wouldn't toch a child in that manner.

I have been reading this all morning, decided whether I want to weigh in or not.

I have to agree with Smoothy. I had the Same feeling with my boyfriend when he started interacting with my daughter, primarily because it was so comfortable and he is closer with my daughter then my son. But it was my insecurities not his actions that caused my reaction, because I was DEAD WRONG. They are close and I love it, they have a great relationship.

I think she needs to be aware of her feelings and if it ever grows into something more... RUN, press charges, whatever at that point. I think it is enough to be aware, even overly aware, with your children safety in mind, but I don't think that overreacting is the solution.

I guess I am a firm believer in that little voice in your head, we get warning signals and how many times do we come down on the people "after it is too late" for not listening to that voice.

Amen Fr_Chuck

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

I guess I am a firm believer in that little voice in your head, we get warning signals and how many times do we come down on the people "after it is too late" for not listening to that voice.

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Got to disagree on this one, FrChuck. Does this mean I don't get the toaster after all?

If you read how this relationship has transpired from the beginning to the present I think you've got to question the mother, her motives and her common sense (as I've said before). She gave up the raising of her child to her parents - for two years because her having a child was a problem for the boyfriend.

As I said - I never would have been put in a position of having to choose OR, having been put in that position, never would have made that choice.

Now she and the boyfriend are living in peace and harmony and there's a chance there will be another person in the mix. Her own child? And NOW that's a problem. Not a "should I leave him" problem; it's a "should my daughter come and live with us" problem.

Nope, I'll forfeit the toaster.

I think there's something being left out of this story. I'd like to hear more.

I'm also a firm believer about going with your gut, but I also don't understand where this "gut feeling" is coming from.

Is there more going on? Is there another reason why you didn't move your daughter in until now? Is there a reason you kept them apart from each other? Are you sure it's because something might be going on, or is this guilt because you haven't been a full time parent?

From just reading your post I can't give you an answer on what to do. You love him, but you think something might be going on. I have two kids, a wonderful husband who is the father of those two kids. If I ever suspected something inappropriate was going on, he'd be out on his a$$ so fast he wouldn't know what hit him and yes I love him.

Trust me-WATCH HIM AT ALL TIMES, Do not leave your daughter alone with him-you must be present always. If you have a feeling that something isn't right-it probably isn't.

Do not accuse him until you see anything for yourself, however you mentioned that your daughter hasn't said anything!! What the?? victims almost never tell anyone because they are scared and warned off and threatened by the abuser-your child is way too precious-even if there is nothing to your feelings, better to be safe and vigilant-I'd prefer my daughter to say to me ten years after the fact, "Gees dad, I'm glad you saved me from that (insert title here)", rather than, "You allowed a stranger into our life who abused/molested me-NOW I HATE YOU"

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Originally Posted by Xrayman

Trust me-WATCH HIM AT ALL TIMES, Do not leave your daughter alone with him-you must be present always. if you have a feeling that something isn't right-it probably isn't.

Do not accuse him until you see anything for yourself, however you mentioned that your daughter hasn't said anything!!! what the ??? victims almost never tell anyone because they are scared and warned off and threatened by the abuser-your child is way too precious-even if there is nothing to your feelings, better to be safe and vigilant-I'd prefer my daughter to say to me ten years after the fact, "Gees dad, I'm glad you saved me from that (insert title here)", rather than, "You allowed a stranger into our life who abused/molested me-NOW I HATE YOU"

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You do realize, right, that Mom chose the boyfriend over the daughter. I can only guess that the daughter, who has been rejected once by Mom, is not going to tell Mom anything, not now, not ever, for fear of being rejected again.

All of this advice is well and good - just not under these circumstances (in my opinion).

I would venture a guess that 85% of the cases I am hired to do (I'm an investigator) are based on "bad feelings" and end up being a form of paranoia. Good for my business; good for my pocketbook; bad for every other aspect of everyone's life. I have learned to very carefully question the person doing the "hiring" in order to determine just the agenda could be.