I am 55, have been happily married for 34 years. We have a daughter, age 27, who is a single mom with two beautiful children. Grand daughter, age 5, grandson, age 2. They are bi-racial, with different dads.
Since our daughter was about 15, she has been very difficult to deal with. We keep hoping and praying that she will eventually grow up and become responsible, but it never seems to happen.
This is our most recent issue. Our daughter has lived near us her entire life. While pregnant with baby #1, she lived with us until she finished nursing school and our grand daughter was almost 3. Our grand daughter has never seen her father or his family. Our family is all she has ever known. Shortly after that, she became pregnant by her new boyfriend and baby #2 came along. My husband and I have been very involved in the grand kids lives and have helped our daughter a lot. Three weeks ago, our daughter moved out of state with baby #2's father and our grandchildren. The relationship with this guy is off again/on again. It's that revolving door problem. We thought she was over him and the next thing you know, she moved 1000 miles away.
Our daughter doesn't call us, and if we call her, she rarely answers. She has sent us some emails with photos. She doesn't seem to think we have any value to her or her kids except when she has financial problems and needs help. My husband and I are both very sad and would appreciate some suggestions on how to deal with her. We try to keep in touch so the kids don't think we have forgotten them.
Thank you.

Just so you know I am only 17 and the advice that I am about to give you can take it or leave it it doesn't matter I went 7 years without even talking to my mother but I always loved her and I never forgot about her and I knew that she loved me no matter where I was. I have not led the most appealing life either the life that I have lead has been very twisted and corrupted by people you would never think that would do that. Trust me your daughter will come around the only thing that you can do is give her some space without giving up on her. Call her every now and again even if it is only to leave a message saying that you love and miss her and the kids

I think you need to find a way to convey that you love and support her and that while you may not love some of her choices, you don't want her out of your life - that you love her and the kids, and can respect that she needs to figure out for herself who she loves. That you aren't there to find fault, but just to want the best for her and the kids.

But she may have to do some more growing up to accept your love and support. She sounds very immature, and she may well know you are right about this being a bad path for her, but she isn't ready to face that truth. When we know we're making bad choices, we typically don't want an audience, you know?

I don't know how you can maintain the connection other than to not turn communications into campaigns to get her to change her behavior. When she calls, just try to listen and let her know you love her and the kids. Do a hundred times more listening and supporting than giving advice, hard though it might be. Kids at any age hate when their parents are always the devil's advocate.

Convey your love and support, if not by word of mouth by written word.

I find when the proverbial s*it hits the fan, a hand written letter has power greater than an email or even a conversation. It gives the writer time to think about what they want to say and the reader to read it and reread it.

Then once you have tried, and it sounds as though you may fail. Take the same steps that you always have with your grand kids but take a step back from advising her on her relationship because this is obviously both unwanted and falling on deaf ears. She's a grown woman and entitled to make her own decisions on both her, and her kids whereabouts.

This may not be the easiest pill to swallow, but your kid and grand kids are the most important factor here,

Best Of Luck.