I'm at my wits end my husband of 15 years is a heavy drinker not coming home most weekends or coming home drunk/drugged and abussive. We separated for 12 months a couple of years ago because of this but I took him back but over the last year he has slipped back into his old ways I have asked him to leave but he gets aggressive and refuses to go ,how can I make him leave without him going mad. My house is rented and is in my name.

I suggest you just move out, leave him there to save yourself the trouble and possibly not making it out at all. Julia. You can't argue with an alcoholic as you have already found out. I know.

Welcome to AMHD. You retain a lawyer that is familiar with 'emergency' procedures, such as a restraining order and immediate, exclusive possession of the home, and alimony. Unless you want to go through the family counseling process, first; in which he makes a firm commitment to change his ways.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by George_1950

Welcome to AMHD. You retain a lawyer that is familiar with 'emergency' procedures, such as a restraining order and immediate, exclusive possession of the home, and alimony. Unless you want to go through the family counseling process, first; in which he makes a firm commitment to change his ways.

---

I don't know why you consider this an option and from a woman's viewpoint, I don't think it is one. Anything that gobbles up time is not a good journey for someone living with an alcoholic.

Volatile situations are the normal procedure with them and anything can set them off. So, okay, shop around for an attorney, hire him, explain your problem and in the meantime, get beat up considrably while you are doing this.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tickle

I dont know why you consider this an option ... get beat up considrably while you are doing this.

---

She is requesting advice, and abuse does not necessarily equate with getting beaten. If that is what she meant, she should call the police.

You say 'abuse does not necessarily equate with being beaten'... WHERE ARE YOU COMING FROM. I don't understand your logic.

Sure she is requesting adivce. She is living with an alcoholic; alcoholics are not logical, george. They are volatile, unpredictable. They are absolutely SCARY.

Didn't you read her entire post. She says, ' how can she make him move without him going MAD'.

No options, george, this lady has to pack up and leave if she wants to retain her physical presence and her sanity.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by JULIA1967

im at my wits end my husband of 15 years is a heavy drinker not coming home most weekends or coming home drunk/drugged and abussive. we seperated for 12 months a couple of years ago because of this but i took him back but over the last year he has slipped back into his old ways i have asked him to leave but he gets aggressive and refuses to go ,how can i make him leave without him going mad. my house is rented and is in my name.

---

What do you mean by 'gets aggressive'.

When this happened a couple of years ago, was it the same thing then? Did the separation result in him stopping drinking, and getting help. Could this be a relapse, and it is possible that (when he's sober), you can sit and talk to him? Or have you already talked this out, and you are serious about getting him out.

If he is coming home drunk/drugged/ and abusive, as you said, you must consider the dangerous position you are putting yourself in right now. Are you in a better place to deal with him and all the issues you face, from a distance? To wait, may not be in your best interests, especially safety wise.

If he is being physically abusive you need to find the nearest women's abuse shelter or else move out NO forwarding address.
It is not going to get any better. He is doing what he wants and he WILL keep lording over you. Why would he want to change for the better as long as he feels you feel threatened to not make any changes? He needs tough love and if the only way for that to happen is calling the police and/or leaving that is what you need to do.
I know kicking him out most likely would only fuel and even ignite a bad situation so it is better you move or check into a women's abuse shelter.

You need to stand firm on what you want and get the assistance of police if necessary. Taking him back is only teaching him that it's okay for him to be drunk/drugged up and treat you this way. Remember: we teach people how to treat us.

You need to set firm boundaries and not bend on them. If it's your apartment and he has the key, change the locks. If he comes by, call the police. At this point, you don't need contact with him. What you need is to love yourself enough to know that you deserve better and to make your opinion of you more important than any sympathy or compassion you feel for him.

Ask yourself, "Is this the kind of relationship I deserve?" and deal with him based on what you know you deserve. I wish you all the best.

Unhappily Married