Well I met this girl last week and since that day we have hug out 3 times together and have talked every day since. She is a friend of a friend and I know of her but now just getting to know her on a personal level. Hanging out is great and I have started to really like her. She has told me that she thinks I am a really nice guy and she likes that cause the guys she has went out with have treated her like crap and I am the first one that isn't like that. She is not looking for anything relationship wise right now and wants to take it slow with me and see what happens. I just got out of a relationship a year ago and haven't been with anyone since that time and it ended cause she didn't see me and the one she wanted to be with anymore and wished that I was more ASSERTIVE. I always come across as the "NICE GUY" and women like that but even I can notice that I am treating this new girl the same way.

The first night we hung out we watched a movie and we sat there and I acted shy around her. She is not shy at all and I feel I am being and acting like someone that she is going to not be so interested in later on. I leaned over and kissed her and we made out for several hours. The next night we watched another movie but she wanted to make out again so we did. Last night she came over again but this time it was different. We went to her friends house and the awkwardness set in. she thought I looked bored and thought I was mad at her. We then left and went back to my house and made out a little and then we ended up sleeping together but it was a huge mess to say the least. She kept asking me what was wrong and even though there was nothing and it killed the entire time together. She told me that we aren't dating, she just wants to take it slow right now but that's weird seeing as we slept together already. When I took her home she thought the night was really weird and I just kept on say sorry to her and she thinks she made things weird with us even though I feel like I am one doing it to her. She then went on and said well call me if you ever want to hang out again I guess and then just left making me think that she is losing interest in me cause I am not what she wishes that I am.

I really like her and told her that but I feel like I am being someone that she is not going to like later on and it will ruin my chances in being with her. I come off as really shy and even though its been a year since my last relationship I still seem to have those traits that screwed up it up with this new girl. I want to take it slow with this new one but I tend to be kind of a pushover. She is not shy at all and even though people tell me not to be shy around her I come across like that cause that's who I am. She has even told that she there is nothing wrong with being shy and she wants me to be myself but I want to be someone that she can fall for and being this way I don't believe its going to happen. What can I do to change this... any help would be greatly appreciated.

Well I met this girl last week and since that day we have hug out 3 times together and have talked every day since. She is a friend of a friend and just broke up with her boyfriend of 3 years last week. Hanging out is great and I have started to really like her. She has told me that she thinks I am a really nice guy and she likes that cause the guys she has went out with have treated her like crap and I am the first one that isn't like that and she isn't used to be treated like that. The first night we hung out we watched a movie and I acted shy around her. She is not shy at all but I leaned over and kissed her and we made out for several hours. The next night we watched another movie and she wanted to make out again so we did. Things were going great, talking to her everyday and always wanting to get together.

We went over to her friends house last night and the awkwardness set in. she thought I looked bored and thought I was mad at her. We then left and went back to my house and made out a little and then we ended up sleeping together but it was a huge mess to say the least. She kept asking me what was wrong and even though there was nothing and it killed the entire time together. She told me that we aren't dating, she just wants to take it slow right now but that's weird seeing as we slept together already. When I took her home she thought the night was really weird and I just kept on say sorry to her and she thinks she made things weird with us even though I feel like I am one doing it to her. She then went on and said well call me if you ever want to hang out again I guess and then just left making me think that she is losing interest in me.

I got a call from her this morning and she told me that she doesn't think this is going to work out. She says that we are not compatible and that she doesn't see it working because of how last night went. She then told me that its nothing that I did but that she really isn't wanting anything right now cause her head is really messed up and that if she can get her head right later on we could maybe try again with this. She told me that I should go find a nice girl. I really wasn't myself around her cause when I meet someone for the first time I get shy around them and want them to be comfortable. I don't want to lose this girl cause I really like her. I really think she isn't used to being treated nice and is scared of it and that's why she thinks we don't work. She still wants to talk and maybe hang out sometime but right now she thinks we moved too fast and needs time away from it.

Is there any way that I could show her that it could work if she gives it a little more time. I know what I can do to make it work... slow it down and not be that shy push over guy that she sees in me. But should I give it some time and then try calling her in a few days? Please help!

Geez, you have only known her a week, and she has just gotten out of a 3 year relationship? She isn't ready for your fixing and its way to early for anything at all. Back off and leave her alone to sort herself out and figure what adjustments to make. If you can't just talk and have fun being friends, leave her alone.

Having sex doesn't mean she is okay with having you around all the time.

Only been a week huh? Unreal you think there is something there to fix.

Oh man, if you want a girl to fall for you more deeply, you got to do more talking and less making out. Why don't you take a step back from the physical stuff and focus on courting her emotionally.

But like talaniman said, you got to back off a bit to let her recover from her breakup. You don't want to end up being her rebound, which sounds like you already are.

You only saw each other 3 times and she sounds bored of you already. Here is a few tips to gain back her interest. Make her laugh. Try to be a fun guy that she looks forward seeing. Do some fun things together, cool down with the making out.

Talaniman Rule-Never expect anything from a person fresh from a break up! It may be fun, but they haven't healed enough to give you what you need.

Listen champ!!

She just wants some fun!! So calm down and be happy your in her pants.. someone has o be the rebound guy and lucky its you! Give her a few goes and send her on he way she isn't wanting a relationship with you just some fun!! So either have some fun or move on.. Wussy...

In a nutshell you were into her way more then she was into you. She's also a pro with her lines. She says things in such a way to string you along but keep you at a distance. It's not that she's not used to nice guys, she's not used to guys who fall for her so quickly and scare her.

I remember once I was into a girl and she told me the same thing about guys don't treat her very well. I remember thinking this would be perfect because I would and long story short it got me dumped for some loser. As I look back on it now, she told me what her attraction was to guys, I just choose to ignore it. I'm not saying be a jerk to girls but at the same time, just because that is what they are attracted to, does not make you compatible if you are not that guy.

See that's the thing... I called her up first to do something together but after that she was always calling me wanting to get together and making the plans. She would tell me that she really likes me and always starting everything so I believed that everything was going somewhere. I know she got out of something but her boyfriend treated her like crap and she has never had a guy treat her nice before. I was going to text her last night but everyone told me not too and wait a few days then try it then. I am going to try this and take it slow and hope for the best. Is that a good plan??

Yeah, basically what everyone else has been saying. Definitely back off for a while. She does not seem like she wants something serious at the moment. She's still sorting out her emotions. So unless you're willing to be strung along...

If she's interested, she will contact you and go from there. If she does not contact you in about a week, then call her up. But once you guys start talking again, I think that you need "talk" more. Make her like you for your personality, not only the physical stuff. If you are going to be shy around her, she's going to get bored. So maybe spend this time apart working on having enjoyable conversations in the future.

I agree that more talking is needed and I do believe we took things a little too fast. She was looking for something to get her mind off her recent ex and I was that person because I was offering to help. I still want to help her and care about her and I will give it some time cause I know that's what she needs. I know its only been a week and everyone can think I am stupid but that's how I feel. I haven't been happy in a long time and since I met her I have been happy again. But now I am right back to feeling broken again. I still want to be in the picture and help her through everything that she is going through but yeah she needs time alone to herself too. I just want to take it slow and maybe she will come around

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Originally Posted by mik2007

I agree that more talking is needed

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Dude, you don't get it. You need to stop, because at this point you are making a fool out of yourself.

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Originally Posted by mik2007 https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/amhd_i...s/viewpost.gif
and i do believe we took things a little too fast.

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You say we, but to her you were a rebound. To her there was no "we" There never was a we and there is never going to be a we. For the love of all things holy, you knew her for a week. There is no we.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

she was looking for something to get her mind off her recent ex and i was that person because i was offering to help.

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Screwing someone is not offering to help.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

I still want to help her and care about her

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YOU KNEW HER FOR A WEEK!!

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Originally Posted by mik2007

and i will give it some time cause i know that's what she needs.

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Are you kidding me? You are going to wait for a girl that you knew for a week? Furthermore, what does it say about her and relationships that after 3 years with someone she's open to screwing the next guy that came along right after the end of the relationship.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

I know its only been a week and everyone can think i am stupid but that's how i feel.

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No it isn't. Here's what happened. It's been a while since someone showed you any interest and when this one did you immediately threw all your built up emotions into her and started thinking stuff like "finally a girl is into me, and if I can make this work then that shows I'm good enough after all." But here's the thing. You don't need a girl for you to be good enough. Yourself worth isn't and never should be invested in a woman.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

i haven't been happy in a long time and since i met her i have been happy again.

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As God is my witness, I wrote the above before I read this.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

but now i am right back to feeling broken again.

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Just as I said. Yourself worth can't be based on how someone else acts or treats you. Yourself worthi should not and can not be invested in a woman. It has to be invested in yourself, and if she's got emotional problems then she owns them and not you.

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Originally Posted by mik2007

i still want to be in the picture and help her through everything that she is going through but yeah she needs time alone to herself too. I just want to take it slow and maybe she will come around

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This is not an attack because I assure you that I've been there, but do you know how pathetic you come off? You come off as a complete wuss boy who has no backbone. A woman wants a real man, and a real man doesn't show value by waiting around to be a back up plan while a woman screws the next guy that comes along. She tells you things like, her head is messed up but once it's on clear maybe then you'll have a shot. Please. What BS. That's her way of keeping you interested while she screws the next guy that won't call her everyday and be available at a moment's notice. You have done everything that women hate. You have called all the time, been available at a moment's notice, told her, after 7 days no less, that you want to be with her. She told you she's into guys that treat her like crap, so you did the exact opposite and guess what, she blew you off. She's not attracted to you, and you never gave her a reason to be. Now the only thing you can do is stand your ground and quit talking to her. If she calls you DO NOT be available. If she wants to dump her problems on to you, DO NOT accept them and hang up. If you want to prove something to her, prove you don't need her by not being there.

Chuff, your right on as always, and darn this rep system! Your points are excellent, and I hope it gets read a few times by the OP!