I have been dating my boyfriend for 7 years now and have been living together for almost 2 of them. The problem is he doesn't seem to be attracted or interested in me anymore. It all started changing slowly and gradually when we moved in together. He's still very nice to me but yet he doesn't really ever just kiss me or hug me anymore... We haven't had sex in weeks. I keep trying to talk to him about it and I ask him what's wrong and he always says nothing is wrong and he's sorry and will work on it yet nothng ever changes. I'm a very emotioal person and I need affection in my life and due to there not being Any sexual or emotional affection between us I'm feeling upset, sad, mad, frustrated, guilty. I can't help but feel like he's not attracted to me anymore. I've gained about 15 pounds in college and have yet to shed it since graduating even though I'm working on it. He's very judgemental towards me about my weight and I sometimes feel like he resents me because if it. There also seems to be some pressure there about marriage from our family and I wanted to and he's clearly stated to me that he's not at all ready for that. Which is fine but I can't live in this relationship any longer without getting the affection I need. I don't understand him. I feel like he's hiding something and/or true feelings about me and/or our relationship and is just too cowardly or scared to admit it. What do u guys think??

You have been together for some time and as you know the hearts and flowers part of the romance doesn't last forever.

Loving is the easy part but keeping the romance alive takes work.
People get comfortable and get into a rut.

Do different things to shake things up.Have a date night.One week he gets to pick what to do and the next week you decide.

Don't blame yourself,that is counter productive.

Try not to nag him but help him to understand how you feel.

Relationships change and we have to change with them.

Discuss what it is your want from the relationship and see if you can't come to a compromise that makes everyone content.

Maybe your time is up, maybe you got all the love you were going to get and if after 7 years he's not ready to consider marriage or even a long engament I mean honestly? You could try couple counciling or spicing things up, but maybe you also need to sit him down, again, and say I want more affection and love if you don't provide it or we don't work out a compromise I will leave for a few days for you think think more on our situation, after that if you don't imporve you need to understand I will leave you because I need more and I deserve more. Something like that. But he needs to be commitied or else it won't work 7 years or not.

This is your test. Can you work together, through honest communications, to resolve your issues to the benefit of you both??

Or do things dry up, and fizzle, and fade away?

Communications is the key, and honesty, and empathy is the way you both go about doing the work it takes, to build a happy life together.

Talk and listen!

Thank you all for the advice thus far. I tried talking to him this morning and, once again, he wanted nothing to do with the conversation. He says he has no idea why things are the way they are. Maybe I am getting to worked up about it all... but its been going on for about 2 months now where I've brought it up to him twice and received the same response. He also said that maybe its because he's just too busy with work? I think that's a lame excuse to give. We both have careers... he owns his own company and I am in the process of starting -my- own company *plus* I have a full time career on top of it. If -I- could find the time for our relationship he should be able to too! I'm 24 and he is 26 and we have been dating since high school. We went to separate colleges but saw each other every weekend all 4 years and never even took a break. Now we move in together after college and now he can't find the time? Please. As far as marriage is concerned.. he says he's not reaady at all... which frustrates me. I feel like I've been dating the same person since I was 16... I should be able to get married before I'm 30? I also have told him that I think that if he's not sure if I'm the one for him by now than I think we should separate for a little while. He immediately shuts that suggestion down by saying "i never said i wasnt sure if u were the one for me... im just not ready". AHHH its just so frustrating because whenever I bring up problems were having or the whole marriage issue he just compl;etely shuts down and wants NOTHING to do with the conversation.. .
Sincerely,
Frustrated

Well, I can sort of relate. I dated my (now hubby) boyfriend for six years starting in High School (I was sixteen). He was sweet and into me but I wasn't sure where the relationship was going either... he moved in with my parents and I. He also started working in the family business; he had one of the company vans and though everyone would be off work he would stay out another two to three hours and say he had to stay later but I knew it was a lie. He made no time for me and our relationship was going bad... even the sex. I had a feeling that he was seeing someone and I still follow my intuition and think he did but... I looked past all that - eventually (I can't prove any of it). Once we where getting closer to our sixth year anniversary I broke it off. I said that I was 22 and needed more; either we are to plan the rest of our lives out and work together or I go to school and pursue my education, focus on me, my future and have some fun. I told him that he has lived with us for a year and a half and it was time he found his own place and that I still wanted to be friends and visit sometime. Maybe then I would have a change of heart but I was really serious that I had to take care of me first. I did, I bought a brand new truck, wardrobe and started searching for a career that would suit me (because retail management from 18-22 was getting dry). On our sixth year anniversary - he proposed in the first place we kissed (in the moonlight on the bridge in the park with champagne and a big fat diamond ring)... either you make it or break it at this point but remember - ALWAYS put yourself first (of course without intentionally hurting someone else) but you can't be there for anyone or love anyone if you can't be there for yourself or love yourself. If you are unhappy then you should move on and as it goes for 15 pounds!! That really angers me because what will happen one day when you have his children? You will gain weight - he should love you NO MATTER WHAT and you should love yourself and your body to be healthy in any regard. I say, break it off, take care of yourself, do some outdoor activities, focus on your career objectives and future plans and see what happens. You owe it to yourself. Best of luck.

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He immediately shuts that suggestion down by saying "i never said i wasnt sure if u were the one for me... im just not ready"

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I'm not sure I understand what *ready* means.
Clearly you are in a committed exclusive relationship so wanting to see others does not seem to be an issue.

I think you need to get him to explain to you what does *ready* mean exactly.

Perhaps he wants to get his business established before marriage.

It has been my experience(I'm 54 ) that women are the ones who hold the relationship together.We see the issues ,we fix the issues ,we tend to our relationship like it's a baby.Men ,on the other hand ,seem to think everything is hunky dory unless there is a major crisis.

Just because you are able to function under multiple pressures of work and career does not necessarily mean he is able to.

Everyone has their own level of tolerance for stress and perhaps his is lower than yours.

You may think his excuse is *lame* but you can't know for certain.

Try to get him to relax more and see if there is anything you can do to alleviate some of his stress. Maybe you will be pleasantly surprised.

Maybe because you've been with him for so long you allowed him to be the same person as he was at 16. I mean obviously with a bit more maturity, but maybe you just allowed habbits that are keeping him the same. He needs to know your not going to stick around if he won't communicate you deserve better if he won't. Ask him again to sit down and talk choose a time when your both free so he has no excuse, tell him you want to sit and talk for at least 15min and if he says no then you want a break. You have to get him to listen and talk if he won't give him an ultimatim. Ask him what he thinks is wrong what you think is wrong how you want to fix things new things you want to do to spice things up, where he see's you two in 2, 5, 10 years. If he won't talk and he won't talk after you told him your fed up and wan t a break if he won't talk for just 15 min at least you'll know for sure his true feelings. Try it in your own way that feels comfortable for your relationship I don't want you making ultimatims if you don't feel comfortable

One thing I know, if you keep allowing excuses, and to be put off, you'll never get your answers.

Its obvious there is very little talking, and listening, and you'll never work together without it.

Maybe a separation, or vacation from each other will help stimulate some conversation.