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Hi... I'm new at this and need advice... I've been going out with this guy for nearly a yr and a half... but we don't spend more than 2 days togther because we live too far from each other. I have just spent a total of 34hours with him... and he decided he needed space!! ***?? He says he still wants to be with me but can't spend that long with anyone... Now what do I do?? Advice please??
Newbie:confused:
34 hours straight, needed time to be with other girlfriends?
Sounds like he is not ready nor wants any serious relationship, If you are wanting more I would say you need to date other people, I would guess this is not a relationship with promises not to date anyone else ?
I would say to hell with this guy :P You are probably worth so much more. Space in this instance probably means I am about to break up with you... least that's what it has meant to me and my chik freinds:( so I say find someone else who treats you the way you should be treated:)
Thanks guys, my head is saying what you guys are saying but my heart disagrees.
Fr_Chuck - I've known the guy too long to think he would be with other girls... I do trust him to be monogomous...
Amythest - I did first think he wanted to break up but after saying that he needed space, he asked me not to give up on him and he kept telling me he loves me!!
I think the real problem is, is that I love him!! :(
Becareful not to confuse infactuation with love.
MY friend was going through this kind of thing with her guy... and then he just like broke up with her. I am not saying he will... I am just sayingprepare you heart for the possibility.
It really sounds like this guy doesn't want what you are after. PLus long distance relationships rarely work.
We see it time and again here.
They are just too hard.
I think you should broaden your horizens and give him his space. But in that time date other people. Tell him you are going to do as such.
Tell him that this current situation with him isn't really working and that you are going to go out and meet other people.
It will be the best thing for you! You may just find someone that you really like and has more time for you! And is in your area.
This doesn't sit well.
Been together that long.. ok fine.. but this was the first time u had spent over ad ay with him, and soon as u did that he freaks and wants space? ***... he's using u as some sort of excuse.
Yes you may love him, infatuation or not. But he obviously doesn't feel the same no matter what he thinks.
Pretty bad if u can't spend 34 hours together without going nuts specially after having 'been together' as a couple for over a year.
My bet is that he is a married man and just happened to someway get away for the 34 hours that he spent with you and he does not have a plan yet as to how he can do it again. But when he does figure out a way I bet you get an invitation to spend another long weekend with him. Be careful, do some investigating, did you go to his home or to some other place, if you went to some other place find out where he lives, get his home telephone number. Where does he work, get his number there. I am saying this assuming that you do not already know all of it. I volunteer some time at a place that deals with girls and women caught in the same situation that you describe.
Lol we all sound like we've watched too many movies... but still I would be careful. Good luck with you and your life which ever way this leads you... it does sounds suspicious though :(
Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbie06
Hi Newbie06 and welcome to AMHD.
If I where you I would run away from this guy NOW before you get hurt, even more!
I experienced a long distance relationship, where we actually lived in 2 individual countries. We did this for 1 year. I can tell you now that your boyfriend isn't worthed because when I went through this myself and used to visit my boyfriend only monthly for a few days, we where like to squashed sardines who never ever left each other.
Distance makes the heart grow fonder while your boyfriend is totally having the opposite reaction!
He wants the cake... and he wants to eat it all!
He wants one thing you want another. Take a break and see how you feel (and he feels ) in 6 months. Others have said it is very hard to maintain a long distance relationship.
Some good responses here.
My advice... get out while you can.
I was in a similar situation, where my ex and I lived miles away from each other, we managed to maintain a long distance relationship on and off for 2 years... it ended with him sleeping with 2 girls behind my back, and him being the possible father of twins.
Avoid bigger heartache... break it off.
If he wanted you, he'd want to be with you any chance he gets, and he'd love the time you get to spend together.
34 hours together isn't too much at all.
It seems to me, like he see's you as a sex buddy.
Thanks guys... not quite what I wanted to hear... do any guys understand where he is coming from??
Yes he wants his freedom to do what he wants and no commitments except by you.
As you've said, you live a considerable distance apart and really don't spend that much time together. Evidently that's the way he likes it. It sounds like he doesn't want anything serious right now so the distance thing is quite convenient for him. You have basically two options here: first, you can go along with him and consent to see him only when circumstances permit (which it seems like that's what you've been doing up until now anyhow) ; secondly, you can decide to end it all together and have no contact with him whatsoever and get on with your life without him being a part of it. If the first arrangement is not satisfactory to you then you need to end it altogether.
Im sorry!Quote:
Originally Posted by Newbie06
But it's the truth!
He wants best of both worlds, without taking into consideration your feelings, so don't get involved, he will hurt you.
Hell I say dump the guy. He is so not worth it. I've been down this road. They ignore you for so long then come back. Don't fall for it. And don't waste your time because your missing out on someone who really would like you. And you deserve so much better!
If he lives fare from where you know what he's doing then maybe he is chating on youQuote:
Originally Posted by Newbie06
Sounds very strange, often people can say strange things ans then regret them. Be yourself and allow them the time, be ready to act upon it, but don't lower yourself pride. Hope it all works out
Take a deep breath.
He just broke up with you.
Stick a fork in it. It's done.
Every relationship (hopefully) is a rung on life's ladder.
Next guy you'll see more of and that's a GOOD THING.
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