Do Alcoholics ever really love other people other than themselves and the liquor? I met my prince charming perfect in every way, until 4 weeks into our exclusive relationship that I found out he was an alcoholic. I tried leaving the relationship then but he sweet talked me back in and now its been 2 months of a roller coaster ride. when he is drunk he is mean, verbally abusive, racist, jealous and possessive. Then the next day he is so genuinely sorry and he does and says what ever I want to hear and I go back.. I find myself alone is there anybody out there than can answer my question? Do alcoholics ever really love anybody or anything other than the liquor that they consume?

Although an alcoholic may care about you (but it really doesn't sound like you have been together for longer than what 3 months), you will not come before the bottle until HE makes that choice and it doesn't sound like he has.

This relationship sounds young and young relationships are about getting to know one another, but this is a deal breaker. He is not in recovery and recovery is a LONG process that will have many relapses within it.

It is in your best interests to look out for you, he needs to handle this situation. It is not your responsibility to see him through this as it sounds like it was a problem before you met. Recovering alcoholics (that are really working a program and actively trying to recover) are required to not date until they have reached one year of sobriety, it is in the program because they have so many issues to face and can not be faced while maintaining new relationships.

I am speaking from experience - move on now. He is sick and you can not help him. Only he can help himself. The roller coaster ride you speak of only gets worse. He is not capable of being in a healthy relationship until he is in recovery.

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Originally Posted by sweetlily02

Do Alcoholics ever really love other people other than themselves and the liquor? I met my prince charming perfect in every way, until 4 weeks into our exclusive relationship that I found out he was an alcoholic. I tried leaving the relationship then but he sweet talked me back in and now its been 2 months of a roller coaster ride. when he is drunk he is mean, verbally abusive, racist, jealous and possessive. Then the next day he is so genuinely sorry and he does and says what ever I want to hear and I go back.. I find myself alone is there anybody out there than can answer my question? Do alcoholics ever really love anybody or anything other than the liquor that they consume?

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Do we love anything MORE than alcohol,no,the drink is a career and one with 3 solid endings.

1) Jails

2) Institutions

3) Death

ONLY if the person sees the need to get help.they(I) will do and say ANYTHING, to keep what we think we have(Possessiveness is a large factor in our psyches)

For him to look for help,I would say get involved in ANY recovery program,, AA/NA/CA... etc.When an alcoholic reaches to bottom(all have different bottoms,not just those under the proverbial bridge)the new understanding will come to pass, problem being,HE has to make the decision,not to appease you,not to satisfy the jailers/courts/cops... etc.but to seek help for his illness.

I was treated in 1984 for drug addiction/alcoholism.I have less than 9 years clean time today,, meaning,once an alcoholic,ALWAYS and alcoholic.

We joke around at my meetings about 'slips' or 'falling off the wagon', these ideas are NOT a necessity,but they do happen.

If you are looking to keep him,Al-ANON is the first step for you,they will teach you the what's and whys about your role in his recovery,you will learn a lot about things you really have no clue as to why you do for him.

Hope this helps!!

Ken

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Originally Posted by KBC

Do we love anything MORE than alcohol,no,the drink is a career and one with 3 solid endings.

1) Jails

2) Institutions

3) Death

ONLY if the person sees the need to get help.they(I) will do and say ANYTHING,,to keep what we think we have(Possessiveness is a large factor in our psyches)

For him to look for help,I would say get involved in ANY recovery program,,,AA/NA/CA...etc.When an alcoholic reaches to bottom(all have different bottoms,not just those under the proverbial bridge)the new understanding will come to pass,,problem being,HE has to make the decision,not to appease you,not to satisfy the jailers/courts/cops...etc.but to seek help for his illness.

I was treated in 1984 for drug addiction/alcoholism.I have less than 9 years clean time today,,,meaning,once an alcoholic,ALWAYS and alcoholic.

We joke around at my meetings about 'slips' or 'falling off the wagon',,these ideas are NOT a necessity,but they do happen.

If you are looking to keep him,Al-ANON is the first step for you,they will teach you the whats and whys about your role in his recovery,you will learn a lot about things you really have no clue as to why you do for him.

Hope this helps!!!

Ken

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Thank You, I have cried too much in these past 3 months trying to find a support system for us who are willing to try help an alcoholic. I am sorry to say that he says he will attend the AA meeting and he wants me there, but when I get to his house he has already been drinking and we just argue. His bottom will be a deep one.

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Originally Posted by Justwantfair

Although an alcoholic may care about you (but it really doesn't sound like you have been together for longer than what 3 months), you will not come before the bottle until HE makes that choice and it doesn't sound like he has.

This relationship sounds young and young relationships are about getting to know one another, but this is a deal breaker. He is not in recovery and recovery is a LONG process that will have many relapses within it.

It is in your best interests to look out for you, he needs to handle this situation. It is not your responsiblity to see him through this as it sounds like it was a problem before you met. Recovering alcoholics (that are really working a program and actively trying to recover) are required to not date until they have reached one year of sobriety, it is in the program because they have so many issues to face and can not be faced while maintaining new relationships.

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I have been with this man for 3 months and the last 2 have been very hard on me. I feel like I have aged 10yrs in such a short period. He owns his own business and function fine, he is a functioning alcoholic. Then I get the verbal aggression of his day. I try and leave and he comes to find me and makes promisses he keeps for couple of days and then its back again. I feel alone in this fight for self worth after an alcoholic. I have never dealt with such person I had only heard of it. Thank You for your input, I just didn't know where to go after today's event with him and his disease.

Right place for the relief from the chaos... AMHD!

There are a lot of us willing to help guide you in the directions.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Look at this site and think of a way for you to set boundaries towards his behavior and implement them into your life, always!!

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Originally Posted by sweetlily02

I have been with this man for 3 months and the last 2 have been very hard on me. I feel like I have aged 10yrs in such a short period of time. He owns his own business and function fine, he is a functioning alcoholic. Then I get the verbal agression of his day. I try and leave and he comes to find me and makes promisses he keeps for couple of days and then its back again. I feel alone in this fight for self worth after an alcoholic. I have never dealt with such person I had only heard of it. Thank You for your input, I just didn't know where to go after todays event with him and his desease.

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You are by far NOT ALONE, but you are making VERY HUGE sacrifices for a very short term relationship. Alcoholics are not bad people, but they have a horrible disease and it is a very trying experience. A functional alcoholic is an alcoholic none the less, my mother was a functioning at times and a non functioning alcoholic at times and the disease fifteen years later HAS never been faced, but instead replaced with various differing addictions.

The best thing you can do for yourself is to step out of this situation, it is admirable that you wish to be of assistance, but the only one who can really assist him, is himself. I don't know where he stands with his family, as they may have abandoned the situation they saw to be a problem awhile ago, or they may not even be aware of his sickness. You are sacrificing TOO MUCH for such a young relationship. Don't be the victim here, the most admirable thing you can really do, although you care about him and it hurts, is to do what is best for you! Don't weight yourself down with this man's problem, as I am sure you are young and you can give until you are blue in the face and not see any result.

Good luck to you and God bless.

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Originally Posted by KBC

Right place for the relief from the chaos...AMHD!!

There are a lot of us willing to help guide you in the directions.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

Look at this site and think of a way for you to set boundaries towards his behavior and impliment them into your life,,always!!!

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WOW!! Thank You Very Much! I am loving this site already.. if I ever talk to the man I called my boyfriend up until today when he put my life in jeopardy I will share this site with him.

OMG!! It sounded as if I was the person that typed those same words... HELP... my life is slowly being destroyed and I have no where to go.