Hey guys, I'm having sum real issues that are making me depressed. I have been single for quite awhile and during that time had a few sexual encounters, but never full sex due to feeling really nervous before hand, I had this in my first relationship, but she was a really nice girl who I rel liked and we worked through and had a strong relationship for the most part of a year, I'm now 20.. but since being single I haven't had the confidence to have sex with a new girl. Last night a girl who I went out on my first date with Friday (which was really nice) came out with me to town, and ended up staying over mine, she was hinting at sex, but my nerves got the better of me, and I wasn't feeling very confident with her yet, and I told her, id like to wait so it doesn't seem like we are just hooking up and that's the end of it. I don't know why I said this, because she is really attractive, and being with someone new would have really helped me move on from my ex, who left me very confused about what I done wrong, and effected my confidence badly.
This girl who stayed round last night, now doesn't seem sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like myself worth has been hit, due to not being the red blooded male that she really wanted me to be.

How can deal with this situation? So I can go into something new with the right attitude, I honestly feel that as I meet girls with more experience it is harder and harder to find someone willing to help me get over these nerves, which is so frustrating because I used to love sex. But I also feel guilty for bringing these issues onto a new partner (if I get one) because they just want to have fun, and so do I.
Thxs

Do you really want to be with the kind of girl who is ready to jump into bed on the first date (I wonder how many guys she has slept with!)? The kind of girl who showed no respect for your feelings (personally, I think it's great that you wanted to wait--at least get to know each other first)? The only problem I see here is that you have morals and some of the girls you are looking at don't. Maybe you need to try some different places for meeting people. You don't want the kind of girl who is just out to have fun. It sounds to me like you're looking for more of a relationship. As for your ex, don't let that affect you so much. Nobody finds that one and only on the first try.

Having to be comfortable with a partner before having sex is a good thing, and will protect you later as it's a lousy idea, and unrealistic, to think a sudden hook up will bloom into anything meaningful later.

Learn from this, and be prepared next time, and don't take them home after one date. This will save the need for embarrassment and confusion on your part.

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Originally Posted by hell_o

This girl who stayed round last night, now doesn't seem sure if she wants to see me again. I feel like my self worth has been hit, due to not being the red blooded male that she really wanted me to be.

how can deal with this situation? so i can go into something new with the right attitude, i honestly feel that as i meet girls with more experience it is harder and harder to find someone willing to help me get over these nerves, which is so frustrating because i used to love sex. but i also feel guilty for bringing these issues onto a new partner (if i get one) because they just want to have fun, and so do i.
thxs

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First of all, you are not depressed over sex, you are depressed because you have not spent the time since the end of the last relationship to rediscover who you are. Yourself esteem is low right now and you are not ready to move into a new relationship.

Not jumping in the sack with someone on a first date is not about being a red blooded male at all. You should not feel shame about who you are and what you stand for and meaningless sex on a first date would NOT have helped you feel better about yourself.

I don't think you are ready to begin dating again, you need to feel better about who you are. It is admirable that you weren't willing to jump in the sack with this random stranger, not anything to feel shameful about. Think about all of the diseases that are out there and the risk of getting her pregnant.

Take some time to develop you, without a girlfriend, find out who you are. You will be ready to date again, but look for women who aren't about to jump in the sack with you. Imagine what kind of woman you would want to date, would one of the qualities that attracts you to someone else be... willing to hop in the sack with ANYONE??

thanks for the advice people. Some of my mates seem to think what I did is really random. Its nice to think there are other men who need to actually really like a girl in everyway before sleeping with them. She had annoyed me a lot at this club, and I just wasn't into her by the time I let her stay over. It was a bad move by me, not just taking her home.

It's a shame it worked out this way, but I guess it shows she wasn't that bothered about anything steady in the first place.
Something which id like again soon.

Hey you sound great.. where do you live?


No only joking :) but it will be lucky for the woman who you gets you, these are great and exceedingly rarer qualities in a man ( or woman) these days.

Best of Luck. Keep us posted! :D

There is no need to sleep with someone the first night you meet them. You have a confidence problem, which, unlike you friends say, will NOT be solved by sleeping with a thousand different girls. Confidence is something you have to get back yourself, join a gym, become Mr. Social and talk to EVERYONE