Okay, either I'm way to horny to be normal or he isn't feeling it anymore...

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 3 years (this march!) and I love him with all my heart but (there's always a but) for the past, I'd say, 6-8 months or so I litteraly have to beg for some intimacy. He claims that "I'm too horny" and he makes it sound like it isn't normal. He has said before that all I think about is sex and that is all he is to me. First of all, I DON'T always think about sex and second, if he were just a "sex slave" to me then why would I have stayed his girlfriend for almost 3 years? Okay, here's a little background: I met him when I was 17 and still a virgin and I wanted to keep it that way until I fell in love. When I turned 18 I started dating him and naturally, he took my virginity. We stayed together for a year and half before I moved in. We used to have sex all the time and sometimes twice a day! Now it's once a week and I know that may seem a lot to some people but not me.

I can't even describe how horrible I feel every time I get rejected. I can't seem to "talk" about it with him because it ALWAYS turns into an argument. One thing he says to me that I hate hearing is "Well why don't you go find someone else then?" Are you kidding me? I plan on spending the rest of life my life with him but I can't deal with the constant rejection.

Am I way to horny for a 21 year old? Am I doing something wrong? Thanks!

Hi. I'm sorry to read what's going on with your relationship, but men are like that. They thing that after a while you've been with them,you won't be able to leave them. Ignore him, be cold ,go out with your friends and you'll see that he'll come begging. Good luck

Thank you alma0123 for your reply and you I couldn't agree more with what you said. He doesn't think I'll leave him and he's said that. The thing is, I can't be cold, it's not who I am.

You first have to realize that there is nothing wrong with you. It sounds to me like it is an issue he's having within himself. Is he on any medications? Is he particularly tired? Maybe he's just feeling pressured. He needs to see that you love HIM and not just the sex with him. Find little ways to show him you love him. Leave him little messages telling him how happy you are to have him in your life and how much you love him. Go up to him, kiss him passionately, and then just walk away so that he sees you are not looking for more. Pretend it's Valentine's Day every day. Like a good friend recently said, always love like it's the last day of your life.

I'm not sure I see how being cold to him is going to solve anything. What you do need to do is talk. If it turns into arguments, then you need to find another way. Like emails to each other? Don't mention it ever except in the emails. Or MSN messages to each other if you each have a computer. Or if you do talk and either of you starts to get upset, slow things down by telling him you love him and that you don't want him to feel hurt or like you're upset with him and suggest finishing the talk after you both cool down. Don't allow it to become a fight. Give him a hug, thank him for listening, and then walk away.

Oh god... Look I was in the same situation and it wasn't even sex, it was other physical stuff and my boyfriend was NEVER in the mood and being reject REALLY hurt, I know how it feels trust me, it's horrible. It makes yourself esteem disappear.
In my case thought, I found out that he wasn't in the mood because HE had a problem with the way we were doing certain things. I wasn't the problem, just the setting, and now that that's fixed it's actually hard to get him off me... So you see, you're not the problem. I thought I was too horny too and turns out I wasn't, so don't feel bad or ashamed. Simply his mind must be on something else.
Now my boyfriend wants to a lot more and I don't as much, and I know what it feels like to not want to as well. When your partner wants to and you don't, you feel bad cause you know it sucks for them and yet you just can't bring yourself to satisfy them.
At least your boyfriend is not pretenting to want it, that would make the intimacy an act, all false.
I say give him some room, and hang with other friends. Don't be cold towards him though, just don't ask for intimacy... He's a guy, and although it might take a while, eventually he'll back to wanting it.
Also, just like with feelings that settle after a bit so does physical activity. It sucks but it's just the way things are. :/
Avoid the activity for a while and I assure you he'll come back to his senses :)

No I don't think your too horny but I do think you need to express your love and wanting of him in different ways other then sex. He may be getting annoyed with you expressing yourself sexually all the time instead of romantically or some other way.

Are you sure every time you get "horny" you need sex and not just some affection?

sex can be complicated by a number of things.

for ex... my love and I clashed over "when"... after the "chase" was over, we were clearly together, some of the "new shine" had worn off, we discovered a few things...

first, our sexual clocks were completely different. I love intimate touch and sex at night. Nothing like warming the bed with your bodies, bringing each other to orgasm, and riding the endorphins into cozy, deep sleep.

my love likes early morning sex. The "i need to go empty my bladder and brush my fuzzy teeth before we actually touch" type.

I also put a greater value on kissing. Love sensual touch. Physical touch is one of my primary needs, even when its not anywhere near sex. I need physical contact to be grounded.

OK.

that's a little over the top, but that's how I see it.

anyway, our schedules were completely off. During the dating phase, when we weren't living together, she was fine living by my schedule. Afterwards, it was different.

we compromised.

which means mostly I now have sex in the early AM. ;) point being, your rhythms and your partners might not be in synch. Something to consider.

besides that... I don't think you are being unrealistic, and I think his response (go find another) is at best sophomoric and at worst a weak mans dare.

sex doesn't get easier over time. Yes, you get to learn a lovers likes and dislikes... but you also need to do the work it takes to keep things interesting, to keep yourself engaged, to be present and in the moment.

I think you have a lazy lover who is far too comfortable. Sorry you are in this place.

he isn't chasing you anymore, and you need to be chased.

I don't think that's too much to ask.

Does anybody else think that maybe it is just the maturing of the relationship?

The honeymoon phase will not last. Men in their 20's are different in their 30's and 40's with sexual needs and performance. It shouldn't be so much that it disappears entirely, but can any of us realistically expect it to be several times a week, week in and week out, forever?

Also, during a marriage/relationship people's needs change, and as KP said, needs are different, and compromise and communication keep things alive and needs get met. It may work out to once a week, or every other Sunday (or whatever), but could it be unrealistic to expect it to be more just because one party needs more?

I know if I'm pressured for sex, it puts me off even more. Could that be part of the problem here?

And why is intimacy denied, is it all about sex, or is something else going on in the relationship. I get the impression if he doesn't care, when you know he does, then you aren't getting the whole truth. Maybe he's not telling you because he doesn't want to hurt you, or maybe he has a problem that he is not ready to admit.

I would remove all pressure, and concentrate on other areas of your relationship. Spend more quality time together, enjoy eachother's company without expectations, and see if you can't improve that connection first.

If he's totally shutting you out emotionally as well as sexually, that is a different story.

My boyfriend and I have had a sexual relationship for 10 months. I'm 18 and should probably be a lot more horny then I am, but after a while, I guess it gets kind of boring to me. He's not very adventurous and I think that's part of it, for me. My last boyfriend and I used to have sex in random places, just to spice it up. Maybe he's just tired of the same old song and dance. Have you tried anything new like role playing or using foods like strawberries and chocolate? And I'm also a firm believer that men like romance as much as women do! So when he goes to work, try drawing a bath with bubbles and rose petals on the bubbles. Wine doesn't hurt, either. :] The good thing about hot water is it stimulates the body. So just you touching him could drive him crazy! Not to mention, if you have sex RIGHT afterwords, and the blood will still be close to the top of your skin and you'll both feel everything. Good luck! :]

What I read into this is he feels the relationship is over... and the only reason he keeps you around is because he is accustomed to you being there... and for a booty call when the urge hits him, and be a housekeeper and cook. But even if my guess is off target... its plainly obvious he doesn't feel the same way you do.

a, You haven't had enough life experience to qualify as an adult woman at this point. I get the feeling that you fantasize about your current relationship... don't see it for what it is.

If a person can't live in the reality of the relationship, there is a total disconnect with their partner.

Why don't you go for a few sessions with a good therapist and discuss your love life and your life goals?

Best wishes to you, :)

Last time I checked, 21 years old is a women.

I feel that although you are , in my opinion , not too horny, your badgering of him is driving him away. I think you actually have a healthy sexual apetite.

Just approach him with a little more tact and perhaps a little less often. Fix your sexual needs without him-now and then-in other words-masturbate.

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Originally Posted by bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE

Last time I checked, 21 years old is a women.

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Now look what you made me do, I got angry and didn't check which box I ticked, I was meant to give you a Reddie not a Greenie! Grrr :p

At 21 you may be legally an adult... that doesn't mean you have yet achieved the level of maturity most adults have. If you doubt this wait until you are 30 and see for yourself. 21 is just a number... and a 21 year old is closer to a high school student emotionally and in maturity than they are to a 30 year old. Maturity is a process that you grow into... its not magically bestowed upon you at any particular age. And it does take people different ammounts of time to achieve... and a few never do seem to achieve it.

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Originally Posted by shazamataz

Now look what you made me do, I got angry and didn't check which box I ticked, I was meant to give you a Reddie not a Greenie! Grrr :p

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That's okay! I'm glad I didn't get a reddie :)

So I have to wait until I'm 30 to fully understand my sexual needs? SHEESH! Women never had it easy...

I believe I am mature enough to understand that I have wants in a relationship.