Hi,

In this world, it's considered abnormal for a woman NOT wanting kids. Unfortunately I've never wanted kids. I look younger than I am so people assume I have time to wait, but I'm 29 years old. People always say I look 21 or so. When I tell them my age and they know I don't have kids, conversations always end up of, " you better have kids now, don't wait, you'll never be ready per say. " People always tell me, kids are they're life, it's different with your own and you'll never regret having them.

Well, these people make me think that I'm selfish for not having kids, that I'm quite strange and odd for being a woman that would rather not have them. I feel people are selfish when they have kids just because they're friends are having kids not because they truly want to. All these kids out there without a home, going to foster care after foster care. We should adopt more kids instead of making more.

I'm happily married and my husband married me knowing their was a chance that we would never have kids. I do feel like I'm the black sheep of society. When I help sometimes my friends look after their kids, I try to have fun with them but when I get home I am relieved to be home with just my husband and 2 cats. I enjoy animals more than kids. Maybe, you think of me as strange too but I just can't help it. I don't think I was programed for having kids. I have a 10 year old niece and I love her very much, but do I want to deal with looking after her everyday and night. No.

What do you think the problem is with not wanting to be around them all the time. They totally stress me out when they cry, act up and not appreciating what their parents go through. It just doesn't seem worth it going through all the hardships and pain. Are you having kids just because your hoping they will look after you when your old. I hear stories all the time of families leaving their older loved ones in homes because they can't. You end up alone anyway.
Give me your opinions :p

You sound perfectly fine to me. Please stop trying to explain why you don't want kids. Enjoy a carefree life and be able to come and go as you please! Parenthood isn't a requirement, and a lot of parents I know shouldn't have become parents! (A survey had found that more parents than not would choose NOT to have kids if they could do it all over again.)

Sometimes I do think something is wrong with me and that's why I wanted to reach out. Maybe, to see if there is something where it can be fixed. My own mother said if she could do it all over again, she would have waited and not had my sister and I so young. She was in her early 20's.
Thank you for your comment

Crista, everyone is different. If you don't want kids then don't have kids, regardless of what "society" thinks.

I have two kids, I had them because I've always wanted kids, love being around them, love interacting with them. I'm not a perfect parent, there's no such thing, but I do my best and I don't regret having my two beautiful children.

I have a friend that's exactly like you, she's 34, been married 12 years, had her tubes tied when she was in her 20's, she doesn't want kids ever! She's wonderful with my kids, sweet, kind, caring, patient, but she doesn't want any of her own, she too prefers her cats. ;)

Don't let friends and family push you into something. You know what's right for you, so feel confident in your decision, enjoy your life, no regrets. Okay? :)

Thanks, Altenweg for your encouragement and kind words. I get pressured all the time. My coworkers, mainly.

I hate it when people tell others how to live their lives. What's right for one person isn't right for another. You aren't being selfish, in fact quit the opposite.

You know what you want and don't want, don't let anyone else sway you. :)

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Originally Posted by Crista

Thanks, Altenweg for your encouragement and kind words. I get pressured all the time. My coworkers, mainly.

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Think of a cute but conversation-ending response to nosy people. Others say to smile and say something absurd in a very polite and deadpan voice.

"Why do you want to know?" (said with a smile)

"We'll see."

"We'll have kids after we get some more litter boxes."

"As soon as we are able." (that'll shut 'em up)

"Hmmm…In about an hour, if the traffic isn’t too bad."

"Why don’t you come over tonight and the three of us - you, me, and my wife/husband - can discuss it."

Thanks so much for the responses that I could use the next time someone asks me, " when are you having kids kind of question. " Especially, the last one, LOL!

I agree with Wondergirl and Altenweg.

Do what's right for you. There are plenty of children in the world, too many, in fact, and it makes no sense for you to devote your entire life to kids you don't particularly want. There are so many other valuable things you could be doing.

Also, if you get the urge, you can always be auntie to someone else's kids, which is all the fun without the getting up at 2 in the morning to clean up vomit.

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Originally Posted by asking

I agree with Wondergirl and Altenweg.

Do what's right for you. There are plenty of children in the world, too many, in fact, and it makes no sense for you to devote your entire life to kids you don't particularly want. There are so many other valuable things you could be doing.

Also, if you get the urge, you can always be auntie to someone else's kids, which is all the fun without the getting up at 2 in the morning to clean up vomit.

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Heck, my kids could use an Auntie, they only have one "natural" Auntie who doesn't ever see them, could care less about them, at times actually despises them even though they're great kids.

Also, neither set of grandparents are alive, so anyone wanting to be adopted grandparents, let me know. ;)

Crista, I came across this question by pure coincidence, as we all just kind of met up on the dog forum.

I'm older than you, and our circumstances are a bit different, but it was never a driving force in my life to have children either. I just didn't think anything was wrong with that, until I lost three babies, and then learned I had endrometriosis, and chances were slim to none, that I would ever have more. Well they were right.

The comments that I have had from people, have ranged from indifferent, to curious, to ignorant, and to just plain mean spirited! Even family members judge me for not having children of my "own." I try and give advice to some, and they pass it off by saying... "you don't have any kids, so butt out because you don't know what the heck you're talking about!" By the way, I do have 3 step kids, and basically raised my niece and nephew, while my sister was out doing her thing.

I've had total strangers say really crude things to me, just because I didn't have children. They have honestly looked upon me like I had some sort of social defect! It's like I don't measure up to their standards of society, and I must be a very cold hearted person.

They have asked me the most personal questions and tried to delve into my personal life, like I must have had some type of disorder! I honestly had to stop myself many times from going off on some of these people. It's like, if you don't have biological children, or really didn't have the desire, then you are just not worthy.

I love my stepkids, neices, nephews, and my God children. I did what I had to do, when I needed to do it, because of the love I had for them. I was, and sometime still am, very sad that I lost the babies that I could have had, but I think there must had been a reason for that. I don't think I had that mothering instinct. Although, I have to digress. I have it, but I had more of the teacher instinct in me, that helped me with my "kids."

So, don't let society tell you what you need to do. If that instinct isn't there, it just isn't. You were likely put here to do something bigger, and maybe you were the one that was meant to care for dogs and other animals. We don't always have to conform to the norm. :)

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Heck, my kids could use an Auntie, they only have one "natural" Auntie who doesn't ever see them, could care less about them, at times actually despises them even though they're great kids.

Also, neither set of grandparents are alive, so anyone wanting to be adopted grandparents, let me know. ;)

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Hey! Am I mince meat here? :p Who loves Auntie? :D

It's your choice. Don't be pressured into anything. Next time someone asks just change the subject and don't bother thinking about an answer for them. You seem too worried about what they have to think about.

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Originally Posted by starbuck8

Hey!! Am I mince meat here? :p Who loves Auntie? :D

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Of course they love their Auntie Starby, no doubt about it. Nope, you're not mince meat, not even close. :)

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Originally Posted by twinkiedooter

It's your choice. Don't be pressured into anything. Next time someone asks just change the subject and don't bother thinking about an answer for them. You seem too worried about what they have to think about.

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The thing is Twink, the people who have absolutely no manners or any sense of self control, ask the most stupid questions than you can even imagine! They even get mad at you. I had one guy scream at me and call me names I can't even say on here, just because I didn't have children. He didn't even ask any questions why! Sometimes it's just really is hard not to think about it, and just walk away. People can be mean as you and I both know.

You don't have kids either Starbuck8? Wow, I've never had anyone scream at me about it but made me feel like I was the scum of the Earth. People say too that I will alone when I'm old but my husband has 9 siblings. His youngest sibling is only 7 years old. He's the second oldest. So I feel that I'll be close to them and I could rely on them when I get old.

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Originally Posted by Crista

You don't have kids either Starbuck8? Wow, I've never had anyone scream at me about it but made me feel like I was the scum of the Earth. People say too that I will alone when I'm old but my husband has 9 siblings. His youngest sibling is only 7 years old. He's the second oldest. So I feel that I'll be close to them and I could rely on them when I get old.

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Crista, I'm an only child, my husband and his sister are 17 years apart and don't get along, I may very well be alone when I'm old, even though I have two kids. Having kids doesn't guarantee anything. ;)

Don't let others dictate your life, really, you have to make choices for yourself, no one else has a right to tell you what to do. No one! :)

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Originally Posted by Crista

You don't have kids either Starbuck8? Wow, I've never had anyone scream at me about it but made me feel like I was the scum of the Earth. People say too that I will alone when I'm old...

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Who ARE these people? I am just appalled by these stories.

It's just none of their business.
Tempting to make something up to make them feel guilty--like say your baby died.
I know, I'm bad.

One of my sisters had three kids. Two are mentally ill and the third has moved as far away from her as he can be and still be in the same country.

My other sister had five kids and she lives as far away from THEM as she can be, although they go visit her regularly.

I had two and then I had my tubes tied. I sometimes wonder what life would have been like with just one... or none.

Thanks everyone in helping me in my situation! Everyone was very kind, I was a bit worried of people saying that there was indeed something wrong with me and I need pills to cure it. I'm relieved that's not the case.
I'm waiting for that feeling that people get when they decided to have one. Maybe, I'm a late bloomer. For now, I'm just going to do what I feel is right, wait and enjoy life like travel and such.