Hi All

I was just wondering if I could ask for a bit of advice. I just don't know where to start. I was seeing this guy from work after me and my hubby split up and it was going really well and he then just never texted me again, he later said he didt know what he wanted etc etc. I decided to give it another go with my husband as I do love him. The trouble is this other guy kept texting me once I got back with my husband, I ignored him for approx 9 months but then decided to reply to one of his texts.

We met up and he kissed me and said that he had made a huge mistake and wanted me back, I said that I was back with my husband etc etc, we met up every now and then and kissed but nothing more as believe it or not I do love my husband. To cut a long story short I have found out that this guy is now telling everyone that he does not love me anymore, I don't know why I'm bothered as I've a husband but it hurts like hell.

When we split up the 1st time he was saying nasty things behind my back again.

What do I do, I really like this guy but I'm married and he is now saing to others that he don't love me in that way anymore but was telling me only a few weeks ago that he loves me and wants to get a house etc

I'm so confused people, what do I do

I would say you need to stop depending on men for your comfort and sense of self.

Do you need a man to make you feel complete?

It sounds as if you will love and be with whoever depending on your whim.

What you do is try to spend some time without any man in your life and do some soul searching and figure out why you need this affirmation from others.

You sound very confused and needy.In your confusion you are hurting another human being(husband) who you seem to have little regard for.

The other player in this is not interested in you and why would you want to be with someone who talked bad about you anyway?

I assume since you are married you are an adult but this is very childlike behavior.I want what I want and I will hurt anyone to get it is not adult.It is wrong on all levels.

Perhaps you need to seek counseling to better understand your issues of need and fear of abandonment.

Are you married or not? Do you want to be married, or not? You have stated that you love your husband, yet you meet this other man on the side. I recognize that people live within "open" relationships, so this begs the question, "Does your husband know about the other man?"
In reality, you need to decide whether YOU love YOU or not. You seem to be setting yourself up for failure, either in your marriage or in a relationship with a man who is unavailable and just "playing" you.
Please, recognize that there are people out there who are always into "the chase". When they, finally, catch you, they no longer want "the catch"... they'll throw it back. If you are still interested, they get to chase again. If not, they find someone else to chase. They live a live of non-commital, unavailability. These people, also, know the triggers of their "victims." If he tells you he doesn't love you anymore and you come running to "make him love" you, then he has you right where he wants you.
Decide... do you want your marriage? Then focus on HIS love of you. Find YOUR love for yourself and FOR your husband. Quit looking for the green on the other side of the fence unless you are ready to leave the pasture you are, currently, in.

Wow that was a very harsh reply. I do love my husband very much, I ignored this guy for so long because of this. I know that I'm an idiot for liking this guy, especially when he treats me badly and says horrible things about me to people behind my back. What I don't understand is why I still like him.

I wouldn't take him back now even if he did crawl back as I want to make it hurt with my husband, I just want to know why it stills hurts so much

Ive been trying to make it work with my hubby for months now and I think were getting back to where we were when the other guy texts. He is saying to others that he loves me as a friend and nowt more but he has said this before and came crawling back.

He says to others that he wishes me well, but I've heard from a reliable source that he has said that he doesn't care if I'm miserable without him and that his head is like mush at the mo

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

Ive been trying to make it work with my hubby for months now and i think were getting back to where we were when the other guy texts. He is saying to others that he loves me as a friend and nowt more but he has said this before and came crawling back.

He says to others that he wishes me well, but ive heard from a reliable source that he has said that he doesnt care if im miserable without him and that his head is like mush at the mo

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If you are truly trying to make it work with your husband,than this guy and his opinion of you or his feelings about you should be of no consequence.

Concentrate your efforts where they will do the most good... repairing your damaged marriage.

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Originally Posted by artlady

If you are truly trying to make it work with your husband,than this guy and his opinion of you or his feelings about you should be of no consequence.

Concentrate your efforts where they will do the most good...repairing your damaged marriage.

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Thanks artlady, you are so right, that's what people (most close friends) have been telling me and I know in my heart that this is the right thing to do. What gets me is why I'm so hurt that this guy doesn't even care that I'm hurting and he has said that to others??

I knew from the start that this guy couldn't be trusted but like an idiot I thought it would be different this time, even his mates told me that he lies lies all the time.

So WHY AM I HURTING even though I know he isn't worth it?? My hubby is the kindest most thoughtful person in the world so why do I feel this way over a messed up liar??

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

i knew from the start that this guy couldnt be trusted but like an idiot i thought it would be different this time, even his mates told me that he lies lies all the time.

So WHY AM I HURTING even though i know he aint worth it???? my hubby is the kindest most thoughtful person in the world so why do i feel this way over a messed up liar?????

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Because approval is important to people.Some more so than others. Some people take rejection very personally and if you are already having self-esteem issues ,this rejection would compound those feelings.

He used you and you have every right to be hurt. Despite the fact that you were the one to set this all in motion.Maybe your mad at yourself as well.

You are right, I suppose everyone wants to be liked, the thing that gets me is that he was texting me elling we he loves me and would mary me tomorrow if I would just 4 weeks ago??

Now he is saying to others that he don't love me that way and don't care if I'm hurting, I didn't think people could be so cruel

Change your cell phone number and ignore anything from this jerk. Then get some professional counseling with your husband. You might want to also get some help for your insecurity issues on your own.

I don't know why I care that he doest love me anymore??

Like many others on here, he would text me and we would be have a nice conversation and then all of a sudden wouldn't hear from him for days,

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

You are right, i suppose everyone wants to be liked, the thing that gets me is that he was texting me elling we he loves me and would mary me tommorrow if i would just 4 weeks ago????

Now he is saying to others that he dont love me that way and dont care if im hurting, i didnt think people could be so cruel

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People can be very cruel,especially in the game of love.

You have learned a hard lesson,learn from it and know that you have grown and understood something.

Imagine how your husband feels,knowing that he has given you his all and you rejected him.

I know I hurt my hubby and believe me that's something that klls me everyday artlady, I'm at a loss to why I care that this loser says he don't love me

Like I've said before, when we worked together his mates said he lies and to be careful I thought I knew best!!

Im going to put 110% into my marriage and try my best to forget this guy, I try and keep busy but my mind keeps wandering back to how he could be so cruel

One of the reasons you are hurting is that you cannot accept that it is over with the intellectually bankrupt boyfriend that you keep haning onto by a thread.

That you react to his words, and to the gossip, and want to know why he hurt you, and the fact that you want him to KNOW he hurt you, all adds up to you don't know what you want.

Sorry to be blunt, but seriously, you have a husband who took you back, believing you were serious about rebuilding your marriage. He is working against the flow here, because there is still another man in the picture, and that is not fair to him.

What kind of man would text a married woman anyway, meet secretly, and 'only kiss' a woman, knowing that he was the cause of her marriage breakup, and not caring or having ANY HONOURABLE intent, except to satisfy himself.

Why do you play this game of man ping-pong? Surely you realize that the temptation to keep up a relationship with the b/f, will NOT repair your marriage.

Get over him already. Write out a farewell letter to him, cry the relationship out of your system, get a tin can, and burn the damn thing.

Either that, or tell your husband the truth, and that is, you are not serious about having him, and only him in your life.

You can not have this both ways.

I don't want this other man, I want my husband, the problem that I'm having is WHY DO I CARE WHY HE Don't LOV ME, I know I shouldn't give a toss

If he texts me again then I won't reply, I love my husband very much and would never ever hurt him again, believe me I've done a wrong thing and I'm living with the guilt everyday, somedays I wonder how I am going to get through the day (I even think about taking my life)

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Originally Posted by roobarbandcusta

i dont want this other man, i want my husband, the problem that im having is WHY DO I CARE WHY HE DONT LOV ME, i know i shouldnt give a toss

If he texts me agin then i wont reply, i love my husband very much and would never ever hurt him again, believe me ive done a wrong thing and im living with the guilt everyday, somedays i wonder how i am going to get through the day (i even think about taking my life)

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You care that he doesn't love you because you don't love yourself right now.

Have you been to counseling?

No I'm not that kind of person hun, this is something I need to work out on my own. Some days I just want to kill myself to stop the pain hun