I have had 2 kids with this guy in 05 and 06... and broke up with him in 07. He has not had any contact with the children since then, is unwilling to sign his rights over, and doesn't even live in the same province and refuses to come back here,. I am now dating a wonderful man who I plan on marrying... and my girls call him daddy.. and he would very much like to adopt them when we do get married. The bio father also has 2 other kids with two other women whom he never sees as well.. so you can see it's a pattern that he likes to make the babies.. but not be there for them . I do NOt want them to have his last name any more but he refuses to sign them over... and the only way I know how to get a hold of him is on the computer.. no way of contacting him otherwise.

I have not yet applied for the birth certificates of my girls yet... so do you know if I apply with my last name on it.and not his... will that be OK? His last name is only on their health cards./.. but can't that be changed easily with the Birth certificates..
I just don't know any other way around getting his name away from my girls. They are in no way his and I just want no part of it any more. He is not and has not paid me a dime in child support either... does that make it any easier.. what should I do... how do I go about this?

Thank you very much

I think it would be worthwhile to go and spend an hour with a lawyer, and see what he recommends, before you change any names.

Was there ever a court order for him to pay child support?

A friend of mine in a similar boat, gave her x an option. Either sign away your rights so they can be adopted, or, be prepared to attend court to determine support payments. Either way, it will involve a lawyer, so you may as well get the best advice you can.

You cannot force him to do either, but, if he remains steadfast about not signing over his rights, he should be forced to support them. The idea of that being many long years may not appeal to him, especially since he has other children he is not supporting also. Nor will he likely want to leave the province he is in, for an undetermined length of time in court to decide the issues.

You have every right to have your girls adopted by a loving father, and the bozo who hasn't paid child support or cared enough to visit his own children, will, one way or the other, have to make some decisions.

Seems to me he'd take the easiest route, and sign the paperwork.

Thank you so much for that... and no there was no court order for anything. He has never had a steady job and if he does he manages to work under the table and cannot be found. He has stated to me before when I asked for help, I told him that his wages would get garnished.. he stated that he would go as far as to quit his job so that coulnt happen... so you see the kind of guy I'm working with . I do know how ever that if I did go to court to get his rights removed.. he would not show up and fight, and I would have no way to let him know what's going down either.. which... is sooo not my problem.

What about the birth certificates.. do you know if I can just fill them out as if he never existed??

I'm just so worried that I'm going to spend all this money... which I don't have much of... all for him to all of a sudden want to be a "father" to my kids... and for him to get what he wants... I would really like a ll his rights gone.. before that happens.

I understand your frustration, believe me. To think that he has any say at all, when he was never around, nevery helped out, supported his kids like he should have, is hard to live with. This invisible 'father' has rights? What a crock.

As much as it would benefit your girls, and you and your fiancé, to have their birth names changed, and be adopted by him, it could really cause a lot more harm than good, unless it is done legally.

What is to say that he won't, in five years time, show up at the door and want to see 'his' girls, or what if his parents petition the court for access to their grandchildren. Later on, if they are not officially adopted, and they apply for student loans etc. you'll have to face the past once again.

I really don't know if you can change their names on the birth certificate or not. Also, even if your fiancé is allowed to adopt them, I am not sure if his name can be on the birth certificate because he is not the biological father. I wish I did know to set your mind at ease.

It would be really nice to have this settled before the wedding I'm sure, but without a consultation with a lawyer, it will be hanging over your head. Many lawyers offer a free consultation. And you might want to contact the CAS in your area. They have social workers who deal only with adoptions, and they may be able to answer some of your questions as well.

I will check with a friend of mine and see if she can suggest anything, or offer more advice. If I have anything different to add, I'll certainly let you know.

My friend has sent me this link, it may answer some of your questions.

ServiceOntario - Formal change of legal name online service - Ontario.ca

I presume you are in Ontario, if not, most likely similar information for all provinces is available through provincial websites.

I hope this helps.