LIFE

We live our lives as if we are here till eternity,
Failing to realize that life is under destiny's pity.

We lead nothing but a materialistic life,
Never having time to ponder what’s the true meaning of life .

Life goes on and on and nobody cares,
Everybody is preoccupied with his own worries and nightmares.

The pursuit of happiness is never ending,
Once we get something we wished, a new desire is already pending.

We look into the future with greedy eyes,
Forgetting the present, which is where true happiness lies .

Set your worries aside and see where you stand as of now,
There's a lot in the present that can make us happy, but the only question is HOW?

Look around you and you will certainly notice,
That life is much more than just the routine we practice.

Good things and bad things happen to all of us,
A wise man shows gratitude for the good things whereas a fool adds the bad things to his bundle of worries.

Live life as if you have a few days to live,
Start doing things you have always wanted to, and start living life afresh, anew.

Be more caring, start sharing, imbibe learning and be hell bent on achieving,
Then you will see that life's a lot more than what you have been wondering.

You can be as happy as you want to be,
The only thing that matters is whether you really want to be........

Thank you
Giridhar

Nice, I like it...

Okay, I'm going to share some of my own thoughts here. I'm glad you love poetry. Here are some things to watch out for.

It's too preachy. What about changing "we" to "i" (or "she" or "he" if you won't use yourself).

Don't use clichés. they're boring and predictable. Make new phrases.

Too much theory and not enough original images. You could try to make the poem stronger by basing it on stories or examples through images to explain where your vague ideas are coming from.

I wouldn't recommend repeating "life" in the 2nd stanza or "be" in the last couplet.

Some of the lines lack balance.

End the poem with a period.

Keep everything to the left; this isn't a holiday card, so don't center it on the page.

This reminds me more of a rap than a poem. I think it works better that way.

Just my thoughts. I think there's a lot you can work on. Enjoy it! It's lovely that you posted something you wrote. How old are you?

Thanks Linnealand

Nice to see you having a careful look at my poem and giving me suggestions... I really believe that good advice and guidance is a must if I need to improve my writings... Thanks for your time... I wrote this poem in 5 minutes and posted it... yeah there is always something new to learn... I will try to incorporate your suggestions in all my poems...

I am 25 years old

I think it's great that you're writing. I really do think this works well as a rap. Do you have any interest in rapping? Do you have any favorite poets? I think your attitude toward critique is a very good one. Every writer has had to pass through editors and critics, and it's not always easy. Your positive look will get you far. Keep going!

Dear sir

Thanks for your encouraging words... Yes writing is a passion for me and I look forward to enhancing myself in this sphere because I always believe life has too much to experience but people have very less time to express through the magic of words... And about criticism on my writings,I am always up to it... no one is perfect in this world and it takes a lot of polishing to be done by various knowledgeable people like you,before a writing becomes truly worthy...

I am quite averse to rapping... could you enlighten me on it and its prospects?

Appreciate your help

Forget the rapping. That thought must have been caused by every line rhyming. Not every line has to rhyme. The arrangement should only be centered for a specific purpose of demonstration. Keep everything left-aligned. This displays the longer lines for emphasis. The gist & theme of this writing are VERY good. Keep writing your feelings. No one will ever know your opinions unless you express them. Don't let anyone's opinion make you depressed. You are as good as YOU want to be.

It wasn't the rhyming that brought the rapping question to my mind. It was the theme, the rhythm and the lack of images. As it, it reads very much like a rap. I am not a rapper, and I don't love rap in general. However, there are many people who do, and many of them blur the lines between rap and poetry. A poem without images is like philosophy in stanzas. Giri doesn't sound depressed to me... at all. He sounds like a smart guy with a very positive outlook.

Giri, just so you know for the future, I'm a "Miss." :) this site has a mix of people from all walks of life. Some are more knowledgeable in certain fields than are others. Take what you hear with a grain of salt, keep studying, and follow your gut. Keep it up!

About rap, well, as I said, it isn't my expertise, but it does play an enormous role in young music culture. Start searching the internet; there are millions upon millions of raps and a plethora of rap artists out there. You might dislike some and appreciate others. There's no harm in seeing if you could be inspired by it. It certainly doesn't mean you can't write poems either! :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by linnealand

it wasn't the rhyming that brought the rapping question to my mind. it was the theme, the rhythm and the lack of images. as it, it reads very much like a rap. i am not a rapper, and i don't love rap in general. however, there are many people who do, and many of them blur the lines between rap and poetry. a poem without images is like philosophy in stanzas. giri doesn't sound depressed to me...at all. he sounds like a smart guy with a very positive outlook.

giri, just so you know for the future, i'm a "Miss." :) this site has a mix of people from all walks of life. some are more knowledgeable in certain fields than are others. take what you hear with a grain of salt, keep studying, and follow your gut. keep it up!

about rap, well, as i said, it isn't my expertise, but it does play an enormous role in young music culture. start searching the internet; there are millions upon millions of raps and a plethora of rap artists out there. you might dislike some and appreciate others. there's no harm in seeing if you could be inspired by it. it certainly doesn't mean you can't write poems either! :)

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Oops sorry for the gender blunder :)... where do I get to see and publish poetry? I have heard of quite a few online poetry forums but I have also been warned that some are not authentic... Any online portals where I can see good poetry submitted and can try my best to publish my content,could be helpful..

Honestly, I wish I knew. Just about everything I've found that puts poems on the internet is related to vanity publishing. The only outlets I really trust are in magazines and book form. If anyone knows of any trustworthy publishers or ways to find a great editor, I would be grateful to hear the ways in which they can be found.

I do have a list of things to watch out for, if that helps you any.
Here's the link: P&E: Warning List