I am 16 weeks pregnant and have been living with my boyfriend for over a year now. He has never had a high libedo and right now its driving me crazy. It feels for all the world that he doesn't care and won't help aliviate my problems.
He isn't into porn, isn't cheating on me with a man or woman. I just don't know what the hell to do.
He is never interested when I am, and I can never get him in the mood.

On top of all that, is my annoyance at feeling like I'm the only one who actually gives a damn, period. I clean, pick up after him and myself, work my off for little pay... I just don't know what the to do!!

[QUOTE=ladymalady;1557398]I am 16 weeks pregnant and have been living with my boyfriend for over a year now. He has never had a high libedo and right now its driving me crazy. It feels for all the world that he doesn't care and won't help aliviate my problems.
He isn't into porn, isn't cheating on me with a man or woman. I just don't know what the hell to do.
He is never interested when I am, and I can never get him in the mood. I'm lucky if I can get sex out of him once a month. And that's when I wasn't pregnant. I haven't had any physical attention in 2 months now.

On top of all that, is my annoyance at feeling like I'm the only one who actually gives a damn, period. I clean, pick up after him and myself, work my off for little pay... I just don't know what the to do!! Someone please suggest a logical reason...

The relationship doesn't sound like a partnership. Counseling may help... In a partnership, there is teamwork, communication and a joint desire to help one another, to work together championing each other's strengths and accommodating weaknesses. You are growing as an adult, not to mention becoming a mother. He remains a little boy.

Yes, feeling frustrated in such a situation is natural. But, what to do? Your guy sounds like my ex. What I should have done, instead of being his "mother" for many years was:

Dump him quick!

Or, if being drastic like that is too much, quit enabling his childish behavior. Do not wash his clothes, bring home food for him, cook meals for him or do his dishes. Get seriously in his face and tell him that the lack of physical affection is a deal-breaker, that you do not plan to spend years doing without sex, that you would like him gone so that a more sexually attentive man may take his place.

Do not feel guilty, ashamed or "less than." You deserve better! If the child is his, he must pay child support even if he moves in with a new "maid." Don't wait hoping for him to change, like I did. They don't. Life is long, longer with a dud.

Here is your problem... what are you doing living with a guy for a year then having his kid.

Any reason you haven't gotten married?

It is NOT his job in life to help you "aliviate(sic) your problems", girl. He is a young guy and he wants to enjoy life, not be saddled down with a needy woman who is pregnant.

Time to give yourself a big attitude adjustment... he is really tired of where you are coming from now. Othewise, he's going to be out of there. He's already half-way out... he's sexually checked out.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Here is your problem....what are you doing living with a guy for a year then having his kid.

Any reason you haven't gotten married?

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Why does everyone think people need to be married just because they are having a baby?

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Originally Posted by simoneaugie

The relationship doesn't sound like a partnership. Counseling may help...In a partnership, there is teamwork, communication and a joint desire to help one another, to work together championing each other's strengths and accomodating weaknesses. You are growing as an adult, not to mention becoming a mother. He remains a little


Yes, feeling frustrated in such a situation is natural. But, what to do? Your guy sounds like my ex. What I should have done, instead of being his "mother" for many years was:

Dump him quick!

Or, if being drastic like that is too much, quit enabling his childish behavior. Do not wash his clothes, bring home food for him, cook meals for him or do his dishes. Get seriously in his face and tell him that the lack of physical affection is a deal-breaker, that you do not plan to spend years doing without sex, that you would like him gone so that a more sexually attentive man may take his place.

Do not feel guilty, ashamed or "less than." You deserve better! If the child is his, he must pay child support even if he moves in with a new "maid." Don't wait hoping for him to change, like I did. They don't. Life is long, longer with a dud.

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Counseling is not the answer for everyone. Maybe he is just a jerk and likes to treat her like that. Counseling is very$$$$$$ and is going to tell her the same stuff as what a lot of other people have already said.

If you can't handle what is happening you need to give him an ultimatum.

Either this changes and that changes or I'm out of here.

Maybe he is depressed and he has no clue how to snap out of it.

Did he want the baby,is he happy about it or resentful?
Is this new behavior?

In your condition,I would not recommend just leaving and not trying at least something to fix this.

Have it out,tell him how you feel.Let him know exactly what you want and need from the relationship.Men are clueless,spell it out for him... this is what I need and expect from you.. can you give it to me?

Go from there.It all starts with calm communication.

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Originally Posted by Mymama

Why does everyone think people need to be married just because they are having a baby?

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Because a baby isn't a fashion accessory. And that's how some women do act.

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Originally Posted by Mymama

Why does everyone think people need to be married just because they are having a baby?

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You don't have to be---but if you're NOT married when you're having a baby, that's where a LOT of the problems, mentally and emotionally, end up linking in.

If the baby is well love and cared for there should be no problem. The problems come in when the fighting starts and when you have to pack your kids bags to stay at the other one house for the weekend. THAT IS WHEN THE REAL PROBLEMS START. You need to get married for the RIGHT reasons!

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Because a baby isn't a fashion accessory. And thats how some women do act.

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Not some, few. I think it is the women that think they are going to get attention from their men, and sadly the men never stay around for the baby. Another reason why marriage is only for the right reasons.

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Originally Posted by Mymama

Not some, few. I think it is the women that think they are going to get attention from their men, and sadly the men never stay around for the baby. Another reason why marriage is only for the right reasons.

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More than a few... They decide "I" want a baby... "I" am going to have a baby... well the fact is they don't care if the man wants the kid... they only care about " I want the baby, its MY choice alone".

SO the kid does not have a father figure growing up... and if she eventually does decide to find a man to spend her life with that kid is not and never will be HIS kid... I'm not saying people can't get to love someone else's kids because in many cases they can... but it will never be "Their" kid.


And without that the kid will be damned lucky if he (or she) grows up to be well adjusted.

When I first posted this I was extremely angry and frustrated. Gabe and I have an interesting relationship. But I wouldn't be with anyone else.

First: yes, he is happy about this baby and is wanting to be the father and will not abandon his responsibility. He's lazy but he has honor.

Second: gabe and I have a M/s relationship. Lol. A lot of people think it taboo or otherwise but I love it. This means that I am his, and I love it dearly. In short I'm his submissive and happily do things for him, not always sexual, and am perfectly content.
With our M/s relationship, we also have our everyday partnership. I don't do EVERYTHING in the house, I expect him to clean up his mess and do other things. We do compromise and work things out.


Thirdly: he has always had a low libedo and I have always had an unnaturaly high one. Add pregnancy hormones and yea, I'm bound to get emotional.



I don't want to make excuses for him, but I do anyway.
Gabe and I love each other very much, we have seriously talked about marriage and we don't feel the need to get married right away for the baby. IF we get married it will be because I am comfertable enough to do so. Honestly, I'm terrified to get married and get divorced like everyone else. "but if you guys love each other, that shouldnt matter." I've seen plenty of familys starting in love and ending in the worst ways. I won't be another statistic.

And this pregnancy was completely unplanned. I never wanted kids in the first place, but I take care of my resposibilitys the best that I can.

And again. He is lazy and very spoild. I know this very very well, unfortunately. He is trying to be better at things and I'm not MAKING him change, he is willingly doing things to better himself and our lives.

All in all,
I guess I need some serious drug I can slip into his food when he's not looking so he can get in the mood slightly more often then not. Lol...


And for that woman who said I should stop complaining...
Its easier to talk to strangers and get advice. If you don't want to help, don't leave a damn post.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

Because a baby isn't a fashion accessory. And thats how some women do act.

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No baby's arnt a fashion accessory and I'm apalled at the teen pregnancy rate and I HATE HATE HATE that I am considered a teen pregnancy. I am far more mature then many many girls out there.

I am having this baby because I made a mistake and WE are going to take care of it. Raise it and love it dearly.

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Originally Posted by smoothy

More than a few.....They decide "I" want a baby....."I" am going to have a baby...well the fact is they don't care if the man wants the kid...they only care about " I want the baby, its MY choice alone".

SO the kid does not have a father figure growing up...and if she eventually does decide to find a man to spend her life with that kid is not and never will be HIS kid... I'm not saying people can't get to love someone elses kids because in many cases they can....but it will never be "Their" kid.


And without that the kid will be damned lucky if he (or she) grows up to be well adjusted.

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I am not splitty up from the baby's father. And yes it is HIS. Leave well enough alone already. I'm not getting married, so sue.

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Originally Posted by ladymalady

i am not splitty up from the babys father. and yes it is HIS. leave well enough alone already. im not getting married, so sue.

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I've seen women with attitudes like that... "dady" was good enough to sleep with... get pregnant with... but not good enough to raise the child with.

Yeah I know a few single moms... and every one of them have issues and the kids have issues having been raised without a male role models influence.

You had the kid with him... the mature thing is for both of you suck it up and do what's right for the kid. Being a parent means its not all about you but about the kid.

The thing with marriage is that if 2 people aren't willing to commit to each other forever, should they even be having a child? A child means a lifelong commitment for them regardless of whether they actually stay together. Most people aren't prepared for that. When it comes to a family breakup, the child always suffers. However, we haven't been asked to judge how she lives her life. And being married does not mean a guarantee that they will be together forever anyway.

What you need to do is sit down and talk to him calmly about what is going on. Once the baby arrives, it will only get worse. Having a baby is exhausting. And even as the child grows, it can be difficult to find those intimate moments.

Has he discussed this with his doctor? That might be where you need to start. Make sure there is nothing medically wrong.

Can you two talk and maybe agree on a "date night"? Once a week, have this date night, whether you go out or stay in, but the result should (hopefully) be sexual. Maybe he's bored with the way you've been doing things. Talk to him about spicing things up and see what he wants. The key to the whole thing is talking. What does he have to say about all of this?

As for the baby, have you considered all of your options? I don't necessarily believe in abortion, but adoption can be a good alternative. You have a responsibility to ensure that the baby has a good life. That life doesn't have to be with you. And there is no shame in giving a child to a couple who otherwise wouldn't have been able to find one. I realize you didn't ask for anyone's opinion on this and I'm not saying you shouldn't keep it. I'm just saying you do have options if this isn't the right time for you.

I know several families that are from cultures and countries that have arrainged marriages. THey didn't get to pick their spouse. They make it work, because they don't have this "ME" centric mindset. That's the root of most divorces, and most single family households... sometimes it's the woman, sometimes it's the man, sometimes is both.

Having a kid isn't like subscribing to a magazine. You are in it for the long haul, or you should not have gotten yourself in it in the first place until you were ready.

And I know that's going to get some people upset, but the only people that had kids not by their own doing were victims of rape. Otherwise their participation was voluntary and they know the risks.

Only once was there a case that was neither of the above resulting in a child... and they Cruxified him on the cross.

Of course this baby is going to put a strain on our relationship but we are both willing to pull through for the child and for each other. We have thought of adoption and if things ever EVER get that bad, I'm willing but not now. And your right, this was not what I was here for.

And I think I will talk to him about a date night, and see if there is anything we can do to liven things up. Problem I see is it very well might be medical, then it would be a legnthy process and possible drugs to take.