A few months ago a girl that I have known forever, and considered a friend, discovered we both have strong feelings for each other. I'm 21 and she is 16. We decided right away the thing to do was to stay friends for now and wait a few to start dating. I'm supposed to take her to dinner in two and half years. This worked at first but we eventually sort of fell into a boyfriend girlfriend like relationship only without actual dates and of course no sexual contact.
The problem seems to be a cycle that we go through. Basically we get really close and will talk everyday, kind of like a boyfriend and girlfriend would, but then something happens and she pulls away from me leaving me confused and hurt. She is having a tough time, with her family, her dad left last year and her mom has a new boyfriend (who my friend likes very much, but it is still stressful). She is vary ambitious and smart and wants to be a Vet, so she has to study very hard. So when her mom is around or school work stressful I get dropped very quickly.

I just feel like for me, she comes first in my life, but for her I'm just not that important unless she needs someone to talk to and get affection from when her mom is not around. And I guess school work and her family should come first at this point in her life, but it still breaks my heart when I get left all alone.

She is the only girl I have ever been this close too. I'm 21 and I have never really had a girlfriend and I'm a virgin. What's more though, she really truly feels like the only girl I will ever want.

She has decided we have to go back to being just friends for now, and I think she is right, but it still is breaking my heart. As it is now, she wants to just stay friends, but told me I had better still ask her out for dinner in two and a half years. I'm just confused and sad and need some insight and advice. Please help.

I know it hurts and is hard, but you are best to respect her wishes. Although she may seem very mature to you, you have to remember that the difference between 16 and 21 is huge! Sixteen yr. old girls have a lot of emotion and raging hormones. If you want to keep that date in a couple yrs. you are wise to back off, and let her have her space.

Edit: I also want to commend you for not putting pressure on her to have sex.

If you truly love her and feel she is the girl you will want forever then waiting 2 years until she is an adult shouldn't be a problem! Come do you remember what you were like at 16? It is not fair to make this decision before she is mentally ready for it.

I'm not saying you are pushing yourself on her, but it could easily be construed as as much.

Best of Luck.

I applaud you for waiting and not pressuring her for sex. That says a lot, if you are willing to wait then that's your choice. You should start to expand your social surroundings