Ask Me Help Desk - I want to forget

I just had a formal dance (fun fun!). But there's one part I'd REALLY like to forget. I have a guy friend, he likes me, I don't like him, and I hate it. I have to watch everything I say, do, so I don't lead him on. I know what heartbreak feels like, and I can't stomach doing that to someone else. Plus, it makes being friends awkward. But at the dance (I was solo), and towards the end he came up to me, and asked me to dance. I really didn't want to, but my friend said I should do it, just this once, so I gave in. I couldn't turn him down, that's happened enough to him, and I know it probably took a lot of guts to ask. So we did, luckily he asked towards the end of the song, so it wasn't that long. But, this is going to sound stupid-it was to one of my favorite songs, favorite love songs to be more specific-"I Don't Want To Miss A Thing" by Aerosmith. And now I'm afraid every time I hear that song, I'll think of him. I don't want to, I don't like him, at all. I want to listen to that song the way I used to, not remembering a pity dance. Plus, I'll never look at him the same, I'm scared he likes me more, or I lead him on, how do I forget about this? He knows I don't like him, he knows I don't want to lead him on, and he says I don't. But how do I know he's not lying? Please, please, please help me forget about this slow dance, or at least help me get over it.

It seems like all you really need to get over this is to feel like your not leading him on!
What you need to do is one day when you run into him tell him that you need to talk to him.
Take him somewhere where his friends won't hear and explain to him that you don't like him like that and you don't want to lead him on. But make sure you tell him that you still want to be friends because if you don't it will hurt him more. And that way he can still look forward to still being friends with you!

You are really putting too much thought into this! Of course it sounds like he is into you, but obviously you aren't into him. Why are you relating this song and slow dance so much to this? It was a song, (which is one of my faves also) it was a dance that likely only lasted a minute. Why are you so bothered by this?

Why don't you like him? It sounds to me like you are protesting too much. Of course you can like someone and be a friend, without something like a one minute dance getting into your head. I really don't get why this is getting to you, unless there is more to this story. Are you scared that you might actually like him? Are you maybe even lying to yourself that you don't "like" him?

I think it's actually pretty insensitive to think of this as a "pity dance." I'm sure he'll live through it. I don't think the dance will be the end of the world for him, unless he is some needy guy that follows you everywhere and calls you endlessly. Maybe he saw "you" there solo, and asked you to dance to be nice!

If the song bothers you, find another song that you like. I'm sure there will be many others that are associated with good things. We all have songs like that, and as you get older, the song will actually give you a good memory of the formal dance you were at.

This sounds more about you, and maybe not so much about him. He has a crush... so what? Be kind and thoughtful. Tell him he is a great guy, and you are happy to have him as your friend, but that's all it will be. Have compassion and empathy for him and the situation, and move on.

Had to spread the Rep starby but I think your absolutely right , she is overthinking the situation.

At dances you do what came there to do and that is to dance. I don't see how having one dance with him can lead on and if anything he might have appreciated what you did for him. So move past this situation.

All you can do is take his word for it, worry about yourself first. It's admirable to worry about his feelings, but not at the cost of putting your life on hold

Quote:

Originally Posted by starbuck8

You are really putting too much thought into this!
Why are you so bothered by this?

Why don't you like him? It sounds to me like you are protesting too much. Of course you can like someone and be a friend, without something like a one minute dance getting into your head. I really don't get why this is getting to you, unless there is more to this story. Are you scared that you might actually like him? Are you maybe even lying to yourself that you don't "like" him?

I think it's actually pretty insensitive to think of this as a "pity dance."

I do think I was putting way too much thought into this. Why am I so bothered that the song will remind me of him? Because it used to remind me of someone else, and in a good way, and I just didn't want to lose that. But the more I think about it, the more I'll think about it when the song comes on. So I'm just going to focus on the other thing.

I can honestly tell you I DO NOT like him. Trust me. I can barely stand being his friend. I think that I'm so worried about leading him on in the slightest way because we both have a friend (same friend) who he liked in the past. She's the type that loves attention from guys, even if she doesn't like them back, and doesn't set them straight, lets them fall all over her, leads them on, and then WHAM! Gets a boyfriend and their heart is broken. I saw what it did to him, how hurt he would get, and I just don't want to do that to him. He writes songs and he let me read one he wrote recently, and it talked about how he's cold, and there's no "romance" in his life, and how he'll die alone. I just don't want to contribute to those feelings.

And I do agree, it is insensitive to think of it as a pity dance, that was rude.

And I have realized that I need to move past the situation, because I might be making things worse by stressing out so much, and sometimes I act almost mean-I do that so he knows I don't like him-which is extremely wrong, I know. And I'm going to change that. So I'm going to forget he likes me, and just focus on being friends, and maybe he'll see that's good enough, and he can move on and find a good girlfriend.

But, he still hasn't talked to me, very little, since the dance. And he left right after we danced, so I don't know what's up.

There is nothing up, just you looking for shadows in a well lit room. Let it go! Leave it alone. Or are you trying to convince yourself of something?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/teens/...im-283614.html

Looking for shadows in a well lit room.. really like it!

Couldn't be more true in this situation, come on let it go!