I'm a 23 year old female and have been in a serious relationship with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we have lived together for most of the time. It seems like quite quickly we went from having sex daily, to weekly then monthly and now we often times go 4 months with no sex. First I believed it to be the fact that he was still addicted to opiates, but he has now been clean for over three years and things have only gotten worse. Since becoming clean he has been on an "opiate blocker" which apparently can take away your sex drive, and then 2 years ago he had a seizure and now takes an anti seizure medication, he also smokes marijuana everyday. I think if it does have anything to do with the medications that marijuana is certainly not helping the situation, he argues that he was tested and it was found that he has VERY low levels of testosterone for a 27 year old male. But could the marijuana and or the medications being doing this? All I know is I think in a way I gave up on the idea of something being resolved anytime soon and have become kind of a-sexual myself and find myself not wanting sex. However, sometimes I fascinate about someone, any attractive male seducing me or having a brief secret "affair" because I feel that I'm way too young to be sleeping next to my 27 year old boyfriend every night and not feeling worthy or good enough even though he tells me it is him and not me... Sorry for blabbing, any suggestions, opinions, solutions?

He needs to talk to his doc about the meds he's taking. It's not the marijuana. Marijuana doesn't do this (with all the marijuana smokers out there, don't you think someone would have noticed this by now?. no way, it's not the pot).

Tell him to give up the smoke or your gone. You shouldn't have to feel like this!

Go to the doctor and see if you can try any other meds..

And if it doesn't work out then it's time to go. No one of any age should feel they are stuck somewhere. If there isn't communication and compromise, what's the point of the relationship at all?

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

He needs to talk to his doc about the meds he's taking. It's not the marijuana. Marijuana doesn't do this (with all the marijuana smokers out there, don't you think someone would have noticed this by now? ...no way, it's not the pot).

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Ya but it does make you lethargic, stopping him from wanting sex (or to do anything more than sit there and eat) thus adding to the problem.


Moreover, being in a relationship with someone who is constantly stoned would get on my last nerve!

I'm not saying that pot makes you not want to have sex in itself, but it certainly can make you tired and not wanting to put in the physical effort of making love to your girlfriend. I don't get it, what do you think the low levels of testosterone can mean? Or what causes such low levels? We are both physically healthy, me more so then him, he has become kind of lazy, but not fat, yet... I'm pretty humble and not one to think that someone's physical appearance is very important but I'm a fit, healthy, in shape attractive girl who attracts people based firstly on my personality, and I know he still adores me, that's clear, but this has become quite unbearable and its taken its toll on the relationship in general.

Maybe he's getting too comfortable?

I had a boyfriend once who smoked pot quite a bit and it didn't have any effect on his libido. Yeah, it can make you lethargic but probably not more so that a couple glasses of wine.

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Originally Posted by portlandamh

I'm not saying that pot makes you not want to have sex in itself, but it certainly can make you tired and not wanting to put in the physical effort of making love to your girlfriend. I don't get it, what do you think the low levels of testosterone can mean?? Or what causes such low levels?? We are both physically healthy, me more so then him, he has become kind of lazy, but not fat, yet...I'm pretty humble and not one to think that someones physical appearance is very important but I'm a fit, healthy, in shape attractive girl who attracts people based firstly on my personality, and I know he still adores me, thats clear, but this has become quite unbearable and its taken its toll on the relationship in general.

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Again, you should have him talk to the doc about the testosterone levels being low (but there is a very wide range of normal don't forget). It wouldn't be the pot but possibly the other meds. And the low level certainly would affect libido.

Sorry to say, but if he doesn't get better you might want to think of getting another boyfriend. You sound like a nice gal and I can't see wasting time with a guy who's got all these problems.

Ok cadillac, but she's saying it is a problem and if she doesn't feel comfortable with it she should ask him to stop, if he doesn't or can't then she has to leave.


This site might be able to direct you in the right... well direction :p

Low Libido


Also, I was thinking, do you put a lot of effort in?
Have you always?

I don't put any effort in anymore, because I refuse to be turned down anymore its humiliating... He knows I'm ready when he is, I have been kind, patient and understanding but his efforts are slow are non existent.

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Originally Posted by portlandamh

I don't put any effort in anymore, because I refuse to be turned down anymore its humiliating...He knows I'm ready when he is, I have been kind, patient and understanding but his efforts are slow are non existant.

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Man I miss that, I hope when I get together with another girl she has a sex drive like yours.

Well you can't expect what you don't give in yourself.

Any man, well anyONE, but any MAN especially will feel overly self conscious about this kind of problem.


If you feel you are done, and to be honest it sounds as though you are, then leave. No point wasting anymore of either of your time.

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Originally Posted by neverme

Ok cadillac, but she's saying it is a problem and if she doesn't feel comfortable with it she should ask him to stop, if he doesn't or can't then she has to leave.


This site might be able to direct you in the right...well direction :p

Low Libido


Also, I was thinking, do you put alot of effort in?
Have you always?

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Oh I agree. That's why I said she should maybe consider moving on and finding someone else. What did she say, they only have sex once in 4 months or something? That is proof of some major problem ( I go crazy if I have it less than 4 times a week, and I'm 50, not 27).

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Originally Posted by cadillac59

Oh I agree. That's why I said she should maybe consider moving on and finding someone else. What did she say, they only have sex once in 4 months or something? That is proof of some major problem ( I go crazy if I have it less than 4 times a week, and I'm 50, not 27).

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Haha oh wow, yeah my ex started to get mad when we were having it 5 or 6 times a week

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Originally Posted by DJ28

haha oh wow, yeah my ex started to get mad when we were having it 5 or 6 times a week

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5 or 6 times being too much or too little? I think 5 or 6 would be about average for me.

Too much for her, not I though

Definitely see a doctor. Did he smoke pot when you met him? If he did, or has been smoking a while, that maybe a non issue here but his seizures are a concern, and the side effects of the meds he takes. Only a doctor can answer your questions. I also would like to know is he disabled? Does he work?? Are there children involved and do you work?

He is not disabled, just slightly spoiled. I work full time and am in school part time, he is in school and doesn't work, but I do not support him in any way, except emotionally. No children involved. Like I said, we are both healthy and in good shape, from the outside we appear to be a moderately happy couple. He was not smoking pot like he does now when we first got together, but it started pretty soon afterwards.

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Originally Posted by neverme

Ya but it does make you lethargic, stopping him from wanting sex (or to do anything more than sit there and eat) thus adding to the problem.

Where did you get this from. i have never come across any medical studies that prove pot smoking has an effect on one's sex drive


Moreover, being in a relationship with someone who is constantly stoned would get on my last nerve!

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It would get on your last nerve but does the OP really care about him smoking pot?

I use to be quite the pot smoker myself, before we were together, however I don't smoke at all anymore. It wouldnt' bother me if it wasn't to such an extreme, he is an addict with addict tendencies and I feel like the way pot revolves around so much it is in some way his new addiction although I'm obviously very thankful that he no longer takes opiates or worse.