I know these things seem pretty stupid, but my girlfriend broke up with me about two and a half to three months ago. I don’t know a whole lot about being an adult, but she was the only person I have ever seriously dated, and I loved her a lot. I spent most of my time just thinking about us being together. So when she decided to break up with me, it hurt a lot and it still does almost every day. I have lost most of my normal sense of humor that I use to have, and I don’t really have any level of self esteem left. I want to be like I used to be. I find that I put on a fake happy face everyday now. I told her how I felt, but she doesn’t even speak to me anymore. At this point I’m not so sure that I can change myself. I have only told my best friend, but I lost my virginity to her as well, and I am a Christian. I actually met her in church. I know according to Christian beliefs I should have waited until marriage, but I made that mistake. I’m not so sure I can forgive myself for that. I know it probably seems dumb, but I always vowed to myself that I would save my virginity for one person. Now I can’t even get myself to ask someone out, I am just so ashamed of myself everyday for foolishly doing that to myself. I want to be myself again, and to stop thinking about loving her.

Thanks,
SJM

OK,

a) Your virginity's gone and it's not coming back, so build a bridge and get over it. You can't change the past but what you can do is learn form your mistakes. Don't ever let yourself down like this again.

b) Everyone goes through this, it's terrible but time heals all wounds and this too will pass. Just try to keep yourself busy and stop beating yourself up, there's enough people in this world to do that for you!

And finally, remember that the only person you have let down in all of this is yourself. Not her and not God. I don't really go for the organised religion myself, but I know that according to your scriptures as long as you are truly sorry and repent then you will be forgiven. So if it's good enough for God it should be good enough for you. Forgive yourself.

I think I know why it's so hard for you to move on. She was your first and you lost your virginity to her. Your feelings are attached to her whatsoever since you've given your all to her at that moment. Try to accept the situation that it has happened then you have to let her go. You can mourn all you want at this point in time, but you have to promise yourself to become better. That said, start believing in yourself and you will change step by step. It will take some time but don't give up and a progress although only a little is still a progress. Keep on praying to God and believe in yourself =)

Stop beating yourself up about a mistake you made. Your only human, and not perfect. I'm sure God can forgive you, if you ask, now its your turn to forgive yourself.

Hey man,

Wow you sound like me. I'm a Christian as well. My girlfriend(ex) broke up with me 4 weeks ago. She believed in God just like me but always felt uncomfortable if/when we went to church. I didn't care she was very kind and a great human being. She wanted to have sex really bad. We came close, the temptation is always there. But I just couldn't, I wasn't sure if she would always stay with me and I was afraid if we did do it, she'd leave after getting bored with me. She said she'd wait then. We had "outercourse" as they call it and that seemed to hold us over. But look what happened... she DID leave me. So. I'm lost and confused as well. I'm right there with you man. I'm trying the no contact thing, but being away at college is making this 80 times more painful and difficult to deal with.