I have removed myself and my family from a very emotionally and verbally abusive relationship with my Dad. It was a discision I didn't take lightly. Here is my question. Why is it when I will not go somewhere where I think he may be, my mom accuses me of being selfish, uncaring, etc etc. I won't put myself (or my family) in a situation where I feel uncomfortable and suffer anxiety. Why won't she respect my feelings?

Mom of 3

She still has a feeling of loyalty to your father. Perhaps she is incapable of seeing your side of the story and just wishes the family could be united.As a Mom of three,you know that we are generally the peacekeepers in the family.
This is just speculation but maybe she wants or expects that you will change your mind and stop the no contact with Dad.

Ya I would agree that she wants me to change my mind. What she can't see is the mountains of pain he has caused me. Her too in fact. He hates everyone in her family, my brother is divorced (due to his interferring) my sister can't stay in a relationship either.

Stay away and work on yourself with a therapist so you can diffuse anger and allow yourself to grow.

People often have to leave their families behind due to emotional abuse while they are growing. :)

Best wishes,

I just found out today, that my dad beat my mom. My former sister-in-law told me. I don't know what to do with this new info or even how to process it.

First, be sure sis-in-law is accurate. Where did she get her info? How reliable is it? Why did she tell you this? Was this a regular occurrence or a one time event?

My brother told her, then once they were divorced a cousin of mine also approached her I guess. I don't have any more info. But she said we would talk tonight.