Ask Me Help Desk - Father wants custody in Alabama.

We were never married, although we talked about it and I did give her a diamond solitaire ring. I'm referring to my girl friend, who lived with me until 4 months ago when I came home from work and she had packed up my 3 year old boy and moved to her mother's. When we first started dating, she told me she was on birth control shots and she had habitual abortion syndrome (whatever that is). Yeah, I know what you're thinking. Well, I noticed she was getting larger around the stomach area and so I asked her about it. She told me she had a "lump" or a "cyst". Finally, she told me she was pregnant and that wasn't until she was 6 months along. I was suspicious that she may be seeing someone else several months ago when she didn't stay home on her days off and she started working on a tan, etc. This was just a few months ago as my son is now 4 years old. He has lived with me his entire life and she had lived with me for 6 years until she left on Oct. 10, 2008 while I was at work. What a shock when I got home. She has been married twice and has a daughter who lives with her father. She sees her every other weekend and she is obligated to pay her ex $200.00/month although she is a year behind. I was married once and am still paying Post Minority Education Support until my twin sons get out of college. I love my 4 year old boy dearly and this whole ordeal has really eaten away at me. Now, my son has been talking about how he has been bathing and staying at a house with my girl friend (ex) and some guy she's seeing. I've told her, her mother and her step father that it is not acceptable to me for her to stay over with her boy friend (divorced father of 2) and sleep in his daughter's room. I'm afraid it's still going on. My questions are these: Am I destined to once again get hooked into years of child support? Is there a possibility of my getting sole custody and avoiding child support? Can depositions and court transcripts from her previous custody battle be of use to my cause (as she has a past history involving some unsavory behavior which has wained since she moved in with me)? Should I just let things rock on as they are and have my son over when I can or is there a time frame or statute of limitations I'm not aware of? Please advise!

If she was a drug using hooker a few years ago, it does not really matter, what matters is what she is now, if she had metal isues then, perhaps

But sorry, you don't have a say where she lives and if the child is being well cared for, the child can share a room with another child.

What you have to do and needed to do the day after she left, was to file for custody of the child, since the longer you wait, she establishes residence in the other area, and you will end up having to fight her in court where she lives.
But yes expect a long court battle

Quote:

Originally Posted by archspecs

I love my 4 year old boy dearly and this whole ordeal has really eaten away at me.

Am I destined to once again get hooked into years of child support? Is there a possibility of my getting sole custody and avoiding child support?

I'm a little put off by the differences in these two parts of your question. It appears you are more concerned with child support then the child.

Are you the legal father? Are you on the birth certificate?

Unless you can prove the mother unfit, its unlikley you will gain primary physical custody. On the other hand, the custodial parent is the father so that precedent may help you.

Your best bet is to get an attorney familiar with Family Law and file for custody.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ScottGem

I'm a little put off by the differences in these two parts of your question. It appears you are more concerned with child support then the child.

Are you the legal father? Are you on the birth certificate?

Unless you can prove the mother unfit, its unlikley you will gain primary physical custody. On the other hand, the custodial parent is the father so that precedent may help you.

Your best bet is to get an attorney familiar with Family Law and file for custody.

First of all, the child support is secondary to my son. My ex works part time and I work full time. She can't afford a place to live, so she will have to live with her mother. I don't think her current "friend" would entertain the idea of having a "step child" living with him as he is currently paying child support for two children. I am the legal father, I am on the birth certificate and I am the custodial parent who has paid all of the mortgage and all of the utilities since the child was born. So, would it be your advice to try to work out an amicable agreement with my ex and her mother or proceed with the filing for custody? Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

If she was a drug using hooker a few years ago, it does not really matter, what matters is what she is now, if she had metal isues then, perhaps

But sorry, you don't have a say where she lives and if the child is being well cared for, the child can share a room with another child.

What you have to do and needed to do the day after she left, was to file for custody of the child, since the longer you wait, she establishes residence in the other area, and you will end up having to fight her in court where she lives.
But yes expect a long court battle

There are perhaps mental issues although I wouldn't know how to access those records due to physician/patient confidentiality. Since she left four months ago, she has visited, brought my son to me for overnite visits and has shown signs of affection towards me, thus I've been trying to work out our differences and this is the reason I have not filed for custody. I am the legal father, I'm on the birth certificate and I'm the custodial parent. Would you recommend I try to work out an amicable visitation, child support agreement with her and her mother or file for custody? Thanks.

Quote:

Originally Posted by archspecs

I am the legal father, I am on the birth certificate and I am the custodial parent .

Unless a court has awarded you custody (in which case, you wouldn't be in this position), you are not the custodial parent. Just because the mother and child were living with you does not make you the custodial parent. At best, you could be considered to have joint LEGAL custody, but not primary physical custody.

I think the fact that she moved out on you shows its past the time for an amicable agreement. If you wan t to make sure you are a part of your son's life, then you need to get custody and visitation issues affirmed by a court.