LTR Breakup. What's appropriate to move on?
Hi Everyone,
It's my first post here and I've been playing things in my head for so long, I thought I'd just get it out there.. at the risk of getting eaten alive by the cyber world, I thought it'd be worth at least getting it out of my head!
Brief synopsis:
After a 5 yr relationship, I decided to end things with my boyfriend 5 months ago. It was really an accumulation of many little things (and some larger) on both of our parts (acknowledged now by both of us) over the years that led to the crumbling mess at the end.
Here's the deal: one of those problems was a trust issue that I had with (of course) another girl 'friend', whom he'd lie about to me and he would receive emails and secretive phone calls from (that were not so subtle in what she thought of him). I'm usually not a jealous type, and he has many other girl 'friends' that I truly have no issues with. I gave him the benefit of the doubt, kept working on things throughout the years, but really this issue continually came up in the same way, it snowballed, I felt like he wouldn't communicate with me, but he could with her, that I couldn't really trust him, and it really tried my patience. On top of all that, my dad became sick with ALS a couple years ago, and that added pressure on me to become a caregiver with a full time job already, and it all became too much. I threw in the towel on the relationship and had enough. We sold our home that we owned together and split. Of course, she was the first person he went to for support once our breakup took place.
Now here I am, I've largely accepted the breakup, I've owed up to my own parts and insecurities, and I'm doing the work on myself to better myself for the future. He's been holding on, stringing along, trying to be friends with me (which I wouldn't mind down the road but I accept there should be a cooling off period here for awhile), but then lashing out at me because I'm basically ready to move on and start seeing someone else, and he's hurting about it and coming to me for support.
I feel like a cold hearted , and I accept that people will see me that way. I broke up with him for my own reasons (he never would have called it). But I've been tested in so many ways the last few years that I just want to find what it is that makes me happy in life. I feel like he deserves a shot at happiness as well, and I know I couldn't give him that with my suspicion and mistrust in him. I didn't like who that relationship was turning me into.
What I'm asking is, how the hell do I just get over this already, am I completely justified in these mixed emotions (i.e. why do I feel the need to be his friend but move on and as a result hurt him all at the same time? ), and has anyone else ever had a huge family illness make them just see a relationship in a different light and change their perspective on things? Life is too short to be unhappy..
Please play nice people;) thanks!