Ask Me Help Desk - Ex wanted to hang out with my husband and I

My sons dad has hit on me a couple times in the past month, just some comments here and there. I told my husband about it, we are very honest with each other. My ex has a girlfriend but I guess he just hasn't quite let me go, even though I am now happily married and have a daughter as well. The other night he suggested him and his girlfriend and my husband and I go out for drinks. He thought it would be a way for all of us to break the ice a little bit and that it would be better for my son if we were closer. We all have an okay relationship anyhow, we think it's better we all get along. My husband and I talked about the going out thing and he seemed uncomfortable about the idea because of him hitting on me. Do you think this is a strange question for my ex to ask, or would it not be a bad idea?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaybird0761

My sons dad has hit on me a couple times in the past month ...

My sons dad? Why don't you call him what he is? : your ex (either official or inofficial)!
It provides a rather strange view on your approach to this all.
You do not provide any further details on his (ex) position. Why not clarify that?
Nor do you specify how he "hit on you". It is an essential part here. Why do you expect some advice or comments without that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaybird0761

my husband and i talked about the going out thing and he seemed uncomfortable about the idea because of him hitting on me. do you think this is a strange question for my ex to ask, or would it not be a bad idea?

So everything went in the open. For your son it may be very positive to see his mom and his biological dad with their current partners together now and than. I understand your husbands position. A logical form of being uncomfortable.

To be honest : it is not your husbands position, nor your ex. Request, that is questionable.
You and your ex split up. And you married your husband. Now your ex. Likes to see you again, in combination with his and your partner (based on what I understand from your post).

You should ask yourself what YOUR position in this is. If YOU are also uncomfortable with the idea, why even contemplate this all? Just say no.
If you are not uncomfortable with it, consider the possible consequences for all around you. It may indicate that there still is some potential spark between you and your ex waiting to jump over.

Seems to me it is you who has to do some urgent soul searching soon !

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarnian

My sons dad? Why don't you call him what he is? : your ex (either official or inofficial)!
It provides a rather strange view on your approach to this all.
You do not provide any further details on his (ex) position. Why not clarify that?
Nor do you specify how he "hit on you". It is an essential part here. Why do you expect some advice or comments without that?

Okay lady, for one I did say ex, and he is my sons dad as well so like it or not I'm gonna have to get along with him. And when I said hit on me i just meant little harmless comments here and there like over the like one time i was sick and he said my voice sounded sexy, and another time he said that if anything happened to my marriage he would be there. i put him in his place real quick and tole him that I was never going to go back to him and I am very happy with my husband.

So everything went in the open. For your son it may be very positive to see his mom and his biological dad with their current partners together now and than. I understand your husbands position. A logical form of being uncomfortable.

I do agree with this, I completely understand why my husband is uncomfortable, he has every right to be. My EX was saying he thought he wanted to get to know my husband, he wanted to us all to hang out.

To be honest : it is not your husbands position, nor your ex. request, that is questionable.
You and your ex split up. And you married your husband. Now your ex. likes to see you again, in combination with his and your partner (based on what I understand from your post).

You should ask yourself what YOUR position in this is. If YOU are also uncomfortable with the idea, why even contemplate this all? Just say no.
If you are not uncomfortable with it, consider the possible consequences for all around you. It may indicate that there still is some potential spark between you and your ex waiting to jump over.

Seems to me it is you who has to do some urgent soul searching soon !

Excuse me! For one I don't see how you got that out of what I said. If I was not completely over my ex I would not have got married and had another child with my husband. I am completely utterly heart and soul committed to my husband, I would never even think twice as to leave him for anyone let alone my husband. The realationship I was in with my ex was not a healthy one. He made myself esteem very low and I was very unhappy with him, though I was with him for 5 years. I was 14 when we met and I was very immature and vulnerable. I got out of that relationship with a lot of debt and no idea how to be happy. My husband treats me like an angel, he is and I truly believe this, my soul mate. The question I was asking was Would it be a good idea for us all to talk or hang out once or twice to have a good relationship for my son. That spark you are talking about died a looooong time ago.

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarnian

My sons dad? Why don't you call him what he is? : your ex (either official or inofficial)!
It provides a rather strange view on your approach to this all.
You do not provide any further details on his (ex) position. Why not clarify that?
Nor do you specify how he "hit on you". It is an essential part here. Why do you expect some advice or comments without that?

Quote:

Originally Posted by sarnian

Okay lady, for one I did say ex, and he is my sons dad as well so like it or not I'm going to have to get along with him. And when I said hit on me I just meant little harmless comments here and there like over the like one time I was sick and he said my voice sounded sexy, and another time he said that if anything happened to my marriage he would be there. I put him in his place real quick and tole him that I was never going to go back to him and I am very happy with my husband.

So everything went in the open. For your son it may be very positive to see his mom and his biological dad with their current partners together now and than. I understand your husbands position. A logical form of being uncomfortable.

I do agree with this, I completely understand why my husband is uncomfortable, he has every right to be. My EX was saying he thought he wanted to get to know my husband, he wanted to us all to hang out.

To be honest : it is not your husbands position, nor your ex. request, that is questionable.
You and your ex split up. And you married your husband. Now your ex. likes to see you again, in combination with his and your partner (based on what I understand from your post).

You should ask yourself what YOUR position in this is. If YOU are also uncomfortable with the idea, why even contemplate this all? Just say no.
If you are not uncomfortable with it, consider the possible consequences for all around you. It may indicate that there still is some potential spark between you and your ex waiting to jump over.

Seems to me it is you who has to do some urgent soul searching soon !

Excuse me! For one I don't see how you got that out of what I said. If I was not completely over my ex I would not have got married and had another child with my husband. I am completely utterly heart and soul committed to my husband, I would never even think twice as to leave him for anyone let alone my husband. The realationship I was in with my ex was not a healthy one. He made myself esteem very low and I was very unhappy with him, though I was with him for 5 years. I was 14 when we met and I was very immature and vulnerable. I got out of that relationship with a lot of debt and no idea how to be happy. My husband treats me like an angel, he is and I truly believe this, my soul mate. The question I was asking was Would it be a good idea for us all to talk or hang out once or twice to have a good relationship for my son. That spark you are talking about died a looooong time ago.

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaybird0761

Excuse me!?

Yes, of course you are hereby excused.
But why post "Okay lady, for one I did say ex, and ... " as a quote of what I posted, but which I never stated??

Quote:

Originally Posted by jaybird0761

That spark you are talking about died a looooong time ago.

Good to hear that, specially in view of what you stated in your second and third post, but note that I reacted to your first post.
But with what you stated later I do not see why you even consider to see your ex. Plus girlfriend together with your husband.

Your original post with the text that your ex was "hitting on you", plus your question if that was not a bad idea, provided a view on the matter as if you did not find that something to reject without further thought.
May be I understood the term "hitting on you" and your first post in a different way than you intended.
No problem. Sorry for the misunderstanding !

FOUR willing adults, behaving in an adult, mature, and responsible way, wishing to break the ice and feel more comfortable with each other, for the sake of a child, and that's questioned?

How often do any of us hear that happen!

It is usually two homes, two battlegrounds, nasty business, and a kid caught in the middle.

I think it is admirable of the 'x' or whatever you want to call him, to even attempt something like that. I highly doubt he would have a hidden agenda when he's upfront about everything, and willing to meet your husband, and for your husband to meet his g/f.

GO FOR IT!

I am happy that for once, the child just might, come first.