How do I tactfully tell my boyfriend that his daughter is hurting my feelings? She's 9, and I don't think she realizes that her telling me on a daily basis that she misses his ex-girlfriend hurts my feelings. But it does, how do I tell him without seeming like a whiner? They were together for a year, and they are still friends. So I don't want it to seem that I am jealous of their relationship, which I'm not, but I kind of think that he needs to talk to her about it.

Thank you in advance for the help and advice...

Being with someone who has children from a previous relationship can be a difficult position to be in at times.

Is she living with her dad full-time... and saying other things to make you feel special or welcome?

Having made the emotional adjustment of accepting her dad's ex-girlfriend after living with the fact her parents aren't together, I imagine she has reached saturation point for a while. You can't force anyone to feel how you want them to feel, and with children you need to be a lot more patient than you would normally need to be with an adult. Even so, her father can let her know he accepts how she is feeling but finds it necessary to impose a few behavioural rules; like, letting her know she is actually hurting your feelings even if she doesn't mean to be doing that, and pointing out to her that he won't allow her to be hurtful or disrespectful towards you.

Hope that's helpful in some way.

The thing is, especially when kids are involved, honesty is the best policy.

Don't whine and moan when you tell him, then it won't seem as though you're a whiner, you know?

Just tell him that you understand the situation but at the same time it does hurt your feelings to hear it so if he could have a word that would be great..

And you might try bringing his daughter out on a day just the two of you if that's appropriate, or else with dad too, to do something fun.

How long have you been with this fellow?

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Originally Posted by neverme

The thing is, especially when kids are involved, honesty is the best policy.

Don't whine and moan when you tell him, then it won't seem as though your a whiner, ya know?

Just tell him that you understand the situation but at the same time it does hurt your feelings to hear it so if he could have a word that would be great..

And you might try bringing his daughter out on a day just the two of you if that's appropriate, or else with dad too, to do something fun.

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We've already done that... but it's actually all figured out now...

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Originally Posted by talaniman

How long have you been with this fellow?

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Dating for three months, we've been friends for 10 years.

#ho0w did you manage to figure it out?

I talked to him. We discussed it. She went to the movies with the ex..

Glad it all worked out for you.

Thank you.