I've never done something like this - post on an internet message board, but I need help. I'm more depressed then anything and I just don't want to bother with life anymore. I know its my ex causing it but I just can't see past that. She is killing me.

I was with her for almost 2 years. Its been pretty good for 2 years, I became accustomed to being with her all the time (she was my first long term relatinoship, and my first ;))

We spent a lot of time together, but it all started going downhill when I stumbled across her chat logs.

She was chatting to a lot of guys, insinuating sexual activities with them and a lot of heavy flirting. It hurt. I didn't think she'd do that. I approached her about these issues and she somehow turned it around to be my fault then accused me of snooping and being a nosey *******. I was not snooping, I'm not very computer literate and I clicked something like view messages instead of received files and they all came up, I saw a few emails obviously belonging to guys so I decided to have a quick squizzle. (im sure a lot of guys would)

We got over it, sorted our problems out, then recently she started a modling thing. She is a very attractive girl and when she started her portfolio she had a lot of offers. I told her I wasn't comfortable with her doing any topless or naked shoots but I didn't want to stand in the way of her career. They are not necessary and if anything will only make her look more cheap. After a few shoots she then told me she had a bikini shoot, and it may be topless. I assumed she obviously knew it would be topless but didn't want to tell me. I told her there was no way I want that to happen, I'm happy for her to model but not reveal herself like some cheap barbie girl for 100 bucks (thats all she got paid.) I told her I felt strongly against it and I don't think I could keep going with this relatinoship if she did, she said fine I don't want to keep going anyway and left me to do this shoot.

We got back together, sorted the problems out. I was still hurt that she chose the shoot over being with me but I managed to get by it. A few days later she put her topless pics up everywhere, msn profiles, my space page msn display pic. EVERYWHERE. While we were together. I lost it, knowing all my mates were seeing it, all the guys chasing her were seeing it, everyone was seeing it. I told her to take it down, we had another split up because she didn't see anything wrong putting it up. She took them down and we got back together, then they appeared again. This cycle happened twice :(

I broke up with her after the last time, and said I can't do this, I can't trust you. That night (approx 4 hours later) she "hooked up" with some other guy. I'm not sure the extent of what they done but apparently they were in a room together all night, and she was really drunk.

I told her I don't want to be with her after this (in reality I do but I'm so torn in either direction I just don't know what to do.) she told me its my fault she done it, she said me dumping her was asking for her to go out and hook up. She also said she's single so she can do what the **** she wants and I don't have a say in her life anymore. She said she can hook up with who she wants and **** who she wants. I was devastated, I've been nothing but the best boyfriend I could be to her. I bought her everything, drove her places done everything for her that I could and was more then happy to do so. I love her.

We have been sort of seeing each other, my mates told me she's bad news and to stay away, but its not that easy. She was upset over the breakup as well, I don't think she expected me to have the guts to end it. We started talking a bit more and things started to seem all good, even though she didn't seem to realise she done anything wrong, until today, the Friday after. She said do you want to come over tonight, I said nah I'm going out clubbing with my mates. (we weren't together and I still wasn't sure if I could do it, its only been 5 days since I found out.)
She skitzed out, started punching me in the face and kicking me. She grabbed my things and threw them out the door and threw me out as well. I don't know what I done wrong.

I then received an sms saying she is going out with that guy tonight. I said why are you doing this to me. This is her reply "its already arranged. he picking me up we going to his and then a party. you dont want me, he does. and i'm going to give him everything he wants." that was the exact message.

Its been 2 years we have been together, I'm in love. I didn't know she was capable of being like this. Especially not to me. I haven't done anything to deserve any of this. I'm torn in so many directions, this all just came out of nowhere, life just doesent have a meaning. You go to work all day 5 days a week, earn money to pay off debts and go out for a night or 2 on the weekend then do it all over again. Lifes just a big boring cycle. And I don't want to be a part of it. How can a girl do this? How can I forget about her? So much of my life has been accustomed to her. I'm used to having a companion every night for the past 2 years now I'm alone. I have no one and nothing to do. I just don't want to be here.

I feel very sorry to read your post! I can see that you are really hurt.

But you know what I can tell you about this situation and your ex..
Rather sooner than later...

She isn't worthed!
I know you are probably saying "oh its easy for you to say", but think about this.. if she really cared about your feelings would she have reacted like this, this proves she has no respect for you, and somehow none for herself either!

If she really cared she wouldn't have hocked up with someone else right after, she did that spitefully to hurt you.

Consider this as a blessing.

I know it hurts now, but time heals, forget about her, ignore her, and concentrate on your reocvery now and in the near future hopefully you will find some who loves you and also RESPECTS you.
Respect is just as important as Love, and this ex gave you neither!

If you feel suicidal PLEASE seek professional help. No woman is worth your life. Especially this sleezy whore.

When I was younger my first long term relationship lasted 2 1/2 years. During the relationship I thought we would be married and live out our lives together. Then I found out she cheated on me. I was so in love and more than that so naïve that I took her back. To nobodies surprise she cheated on me again. I then dumped her and I'm not going to lie it took some time to get over. I felt empty inside but with time and finding other things to do I got over her. Now years later I don't even think about her. That, my friend is what is going to happen to you. Years from now you won't even remember her on a day to day basis. When the going gets tough think to the future when this will all be a distant memory. Looking back as I write this I think of all the things I would have missed had I stayed with that woman. You should be thinking of all the things you have to look forward to. Your better off without her.

Dude, I personally don't know how you lasted 2 years with this abuse going on. Ain't enough love in the world to keep me chasing my tail that long. Be very glad this is over and yeah I know the first, blah ,blah and all that. We all go through this, and down the road you will laugh at yourself, for now you have a lot make up for so the more quick you get on with a life you enjoy the sooner you get over the misery and pain she put you through.

LIVE and learn. Gather what you have learned from this experience to make you a stronger, better person.

Chin up and look over the next horizon my friend.

I have been there and it took a lot for me to let go too.

What your feeling is not love its hurt, it's a void, it's a fear of being alone it's the absence of self worth.

She isn't worth your life believe me and all it will achieve is make her hate you even more I have a couple of female friends who split with their partners and the partners killed themselves. It's a tradgedy, the only people it really hurts are those you really do care about and those that care about you and they are not the people you want to be hurting.

If you are feeling really down and suicidal call someone talk to them have a good cry let it out, but don't kill yourself. She is an attention seeker she is good looking and knows it and needs the attention from many people to make her feel good. It takes a very very strong certain man todeal with that, to deal with living with a woman that has constant male attention especially one that encourages and craves it. Some men live for that but 95% of men don't they can't handle it hell we can all be insecure at times, this kind of woman just makes you possesive and jealous and needy.

I know everyone says this but it is true, remove her completely from your life, don't dwell on her or things you could have done diferently it won't help, walk away and live your life for you for a while put yourself first, make changes live the life you want to live for you and no one else. Remember your friends catch up with them your family be around people even though you sometimes feel that you can't breathe.

This gal sounds like a real nut job between the ears. She needs a ton of attention. That's abusive.

Find a gal who won't play games.

Heyy

Reading your post, I saw a lot of myself in what you were saying. I was just dumped by my boyfriend of 2 years. He dumped me about 4 months ago. I can not tell you how hurt I was and still am. I want to start by telling you what everyone told me- you deserve better- I don't even know you personally, but I do know that no one deserves what she put you through. I know what its like to love someone so much that you will put up with anything. You think its your fault and blame yourself. In reality it is not you and it wasn't me in my relationship but when you love someone so much you are willing to negotiate yourself and you think its your fault so you try and change. You keep giving and giving and they keep taking and taking. People like that like the satisfaction that someone will always be there giving them what they want.I know I gave my ex 100 percent and he gave me practically nothing. I just posted a question on here last night and it reminded me so much of what you just said. Last night I had the same thoughts of ending it all- I just want this pain to end. The solution is not in killing yourself though. No one is worth your life. This girl did not treat you right at all. She did not respect u, she wasn't loyal to you and she kept hurting you and she knew it hurt you and was purposely doing it. The thing is we often lie to ourselves and make our ex seem perfect. Like when I think back on my relationship I never think of the bad times ( and let me tell you he was emotionally abusive so there were plenty! ) I always think of the best times. Its so hard- each day is a struggle- take it from me I'm going through it now. 2 years is a long time, I know. My ex boyfriend was my first serious relationship as well. So much was invested in him. The fact that you broke up with this girl a couple times, even proves that the relationship was broken- and most times it can't be fixed. I promise you, there are good girls out there who will treat you right. What she did was not right- and you deserve more and will get more. Please, please know you are worthy of real love- this was not it! If you need to talk message me on here- anytime day or night. I've been through it and still am going through it. Take time for yourself... thats what I am going to do. And if you take any one thing from my advice please take this-do not get back together with her! She didn't treat you right, you seem like a great boyfriend and you deserve a girl who will appreciate your worth! If you feel like there is nothing to live for remember you will find someone better, things will get better! U have to hit rock bottom sometimes, and then you need to struggle to get out and you will be stronger. I'm right here with u, and I have been taking it day by day... but it will get better and you will one day realize you deserve so much more and you will be glad that you did not settle for her! Trust me! Goodluck!

Do you really want a companion like this? Personally, I'd rather be alone. I'd take the advice of your friends and end it with her, once and for all and avoid her like the plague. She's a sleaze and a controlling *****, among other things. She thinks she should be able to have what she wants, who she wants and when she wants it and gets angry and abusive when things don't go her way. She needs a good, hard dose of reality and until she gets one, if she ever gets one, I'd stay away from her and have nothing to do with her. Meet new people, date other women, take up a new interest or pick back up on an old one, do the things you like and be your own best friend. That's the best thing you can do for yourself right now.

I'd like to start by thanking you all for your replies. I can't believe the response I received! Your all fantastic, generous people who are giving their time to help complete strangers out. Not many people would do that, I think you all need to know how much I genuinley appreciate your advice. It has given me direction, something to aim for. The world needs more people like you, generous, unselfish and caring. I think this forums is great and all you regulars helping other people out are amazing. You guys should be really happy with yourselves, you may not see how much you've changed people but take my word for it, I'm smiling :) thank you

I would never have the guts to take my own life, even though I have considered it multiple times. I don't think I could. You look at the news and see some of the other countries living in much poorer conditions with no money and no food. I have a good life and considering suicide is just plain selfish.

one thing to look forward to is being able to do whatever I want. Previously when I was with her if I didn't tell her something I was doing that'd start a fight. If I wanted to go over my mates house or something she'd get in a massive fight with me saying I'm always "ditching" her for my mates. (reality is I never spend ANY time with them and when I try to she starts a massive fight accusing me of ditching) I guess that's all gone now, I can do what I want!

KRs - your right mate, respect is as important as love. I guess I never really experienced a respectfull girflriend as she was my first and that just made me lose faith in their whole gender.

chuff - your right as well, and its good to know that other people out there have gone through this and are now proclaiming to be happier then ever. I have no doubts I can get through this.

talaniman - I don't know either mate. I really don't know what was going through my head. There were good times, and I really enjoyed them. I guess that's what kept me going. I know this has to end now, so I'm prepared to go through this and do my best to look after myself (without getting to cocky :P)

Blazingsun - yeah mate, this has definitely been a learning experience for me, however I sometimes get paranoid that maybe I was doing something to make her so "crazy." I'm worried if I get another mrs I'll send her the same way. I just can't think of what I've done, it's a personal value of mine to treat your girl the way you'd want to be treated. As a best friend as well as a loving companion, and that's what I done. It confuses me how she can do all this to me. I don't know what I've done to deserve any of it and I didn't know she had it in her to do something like this.

sword32 - your right on the money, I know I can say I realise all these things now but it doesent change the fact that this is one of the hardest things for me to do. I'm sorry to hear about your friends partners. Its devastating, and don't worry I won't take my own life. I've realised how selfish that was and I'm going to take advantage of the life and the lifestyle I've been given. I'm definitely a lot better off then most people, and personally I think australia's standard of living is a bit to high. So I'm going to sponsor a few children over in rawanda or something. It doesent cost much but I want to make other people feel the same way all of you people have made me feel.

wildcat21 - your right, she's an attention whore. The more I think about it the more I realise it. She always says oh but I'm doing it for you. Bull****! She's doing it for herself and the attention she so obviously needs. I guess that's one less thing to worry about :(

tirednhurt86 - 4 months, wow. I'm really sorry to hear that. You sound like a fantastic person. I personally think that everyone here is amazing. Honestly, I lost complete faith in the world and seeing how many people are on here giving there own time to help COMPLETE strangers. Most of which won't show their appreciation or never come back to let them know how much their advice has helped them. I really am amazed. Thank you for offering to be there for me, you don't even know me and your offering your full support equivalent to the kind of support your best mates would give. I got a tough road ahead, so I may take you up on that! I will trust everything you say, and don't worry. Its over for good!

s_cianci - I actually hate myself for being so blind to the facts. I could see she was like that but I never really... took notice? I don't know how to explain it I just never let it get to me, or I was in denial over it or something. I don't know. The only problem is - I forgot how to meet woman! I was never one to go out and womanize or go out just for the purpose of picking up or getting laid or whatever. I know girls are a lot more emotional then us and I wouldn't want to hurt a girl by using her for sex. I went out last night and attempted to meet a few girls to take my mind off my ex. I was talking for a while, having good conversations. However I just can't seem to get past there. Maybe its because I'm still hung up on my ex. Or maybe I just don't have the guts to make a move. Some of these girls were giving really positive body language, but I felt like just another sleaze going out to get some action, and I was paranoid they would think that if I tried anything! So I kept the conversation to just that, a conversation.

thank you all again for your help, after hopping on this morning and reading this I really do feel great. Every post was helpful and you guys really need to realise how much you are helping people out. You should all feel great about yourself! When I get through this hopefully I'll be able to use my experience to help other people out as well. Thanks again everyone, it really is MUCH appreciated. Thank you.

Yeah man, these people have great advice to give. Do your best to follow it. My ex, we broke up about a month ago. She was also beautiful, loved attention from guys, never told any of them she had a boyfriend. It definitely made me feel insecure, and even though I THINK she never cheated on me. I've been lucky and have dated some beautiful women. Most of them WERE NOT like my ex. They did not always crave or flaunt the attention they received form other males. That is abuse. MENTAL abuse, which is just as harmful as any other type of abuse.

She ended up breaking up with me two weeks after I finally yelled at her and verbally leveled her. I was at my wits end about the things she was doing. And I couldn't take it anymore. I wish I had broken up with her, but I wanted to make it work. She basically hated the fact that someone finally called her on her crap. And so ditched me.

It hurts like hells still. Been a month, haven't spoken to her, heard from her, or received any email from her. I've not contacted her either. These types of chicks either one day realize what they had, or they go on and have further failed relationships.

I'm still very sad and do still miss her. Rationality cannot completely suppress emotion. I started taking jujitsu, working out more, trying to focus on work, and hanging out with friends. There are good days, there are some rough days. But I'm still standing, and you will be too. You already sound like you're on your way. Keep her out of you life, for good. She's trouble.

Ilovecali - mate, you sure we're not talking about the same person here? My ex is exactly the same mate, craves the attention, doesent think its wrong and can't handle being "called on her crap."

I hate knowing that it can take months to get over this, I'm by no means moved on. I'm still hurting, A lot. Can't stop thinking about the good times, and the sex life was really good. I think she will realise what she had, I can see her ending up with some sleazebag that's going to break her heart in an instant, and not care for her the way I did. And to be honest I hope that happens. Then she'd realise she lost someone who truly loves her for who she is. Thanks for your post mate. And best of luck to you as well! I feel your pain!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by coldies

KRs - your right mate, respect is as important as love. i guess i never really experienced a respectfull girflriend as she was my first and that just made me lose faith in their whole gender.

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Don't lose faith.
We are not all the same :D trust me!
She is a rare breed, breeds like her - keep your distnace
We learn from our mistakes.

by coldies

Quote:

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yeah mate, this has definitely been a learning experience for me, however I sometimes get paranoid that maybe I was doing something to make her so "crazy." I'm worried if I get another mrs I'll send her the same way. I just can't think of what I've done, it's a personal value of mine to treat your girl the way you'd want to be treated. As a best friend as well as a loving companion, and that's what I done. It confuses me how she can do all this to me. I don't know what I've done to deserve any of it and I didn't know she had it in her to do something like this

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Your doing the right things now and you seem to have learned from this experience so when you get over the emotional part and you will you'll realize that your ex is only a small part of the people out there. You did your best and it didn't work. Don't let a bad experience change the good in your heart, just make sure the person you give it to has a good heart too.

I can kind of relate to you. My boyfriend of a year recently "chat cheated" on me. He was talking to a girl online and I understand how you feel. I know you are in love but at one point in time you have to ask yourself is she worth it? How much do you love her? If more than anything in this world you guys need to have a serious talk about this. It hurts a lot and if you are anything like me I know that it won't be that easy to let go of what she did

Its time to concentrate on you now. Life has chucked some s**T at you, what hasn't killed you, only makes you stronger and more aware for the future? You don't need her in your life, you need you back. Ever wanted to do something like travel? Start a new sport? Nows the time. Reinvest in yourself, old friends and your new freedom. Be the one that got away and don't look back.

Firstly I want to say I know how you feel. My situation wasn't as bad as my ex boyfriend wasn't abusive but when he ledt my world fell apart I couldn't eat or sleep at all and really wanted to die, in fact 4 months on I still do. I called the samaratins there were very good as I bawled like a baby down the phone to some complete stranger. She certainly is not worth it but you see something in her that we do not and that is what pulls you back every time. It will be very difficult to get over her I know but here's a thought if she is out there putting about to al these other guys then what is she bring home to you? Is she careful of should you go get yourself checked out ASAP. I don't mean for that to upset you by the way. I always used to say that people will only treat you how you allow them to treat you , < before I turned into a pathetic wreck> and it is till true I am just finding it hard at moment, but it will get better with tine I maintained contact with my ex for too long so now I am going to try and stop

Also don't get invloved with anyone else too soon in a bid too get over ex it would not be fair involving someone else in your mixed up emotions. I ghope you find a decent girl next time you deserve one take care and keep us posted

Coldies:

I've been in your shoes and it actually took me a few years to get over it. Basically, all I could do was think about it and wonder what I did wrong and how to get her back. What a mistake that was.

I have been with a lot of women but this one was the first to really pull my chain and get to me after the break. After a few years of agony, I realized that it really wasn't me, it was her insecurities. You see I treated her right, but I am not the kind of guy to take any crap no matter how attractive she is. BTW, to give you an idea of her looks, she had her basement finished, 4 of the 5 contractors did it for free to try and date her.

The attractive, insecure woman is the worse type to be with. They will accuse you of everything to bring you down in an attempt to control you. You see, if they cannot control everything that you do, their insecurities cause them to worry. Their entire life, people have always given them what they want. They live in a warped view of real life.

For example, I would get a call every night when I was not with her at 11pm to say goodnight (really, it was her checking up on me). I was accused of everything wrong including putting the toilet paper on wrong, crossing my legs when I sit down wrong, and tipping attractive waitress more than other waitresses. This is all part of the strategy to break you down. They do not even know that they are doing, it is all subconscious.

She would leave gifts out that other guys had given her. One guy followed her home from a model house she looked at to ask her out. After a few years, I bailed. The very next weekend she had the electrician that did her basement moved in and threw it in my face as hard as she could.

By the way, my experience says she will settle with a total wimp and will not get a breakup thrown in her face as you suggest. She will only be comfortable with a guy that she can walk all over, and who will still be there no matter what she does. You lost her when you made waves over the pictures and anything else that she wanted to do. You see, you can't tell her what to do because she will do just the opposite because you are trying to take her control away. Remember her insecurities, she has always had things her way and now you are saying you can't have it your way. Inside her mind she is saying F.. U...

My advice here is that it is not YOU - REMEMBER THIS (it took me 2 years to figure out). When you meet a girl who “has your back” and you can trust her, it will be as easy as hanging out with your guy friends. And only when you have this will you be able to look back and regret ever going out with her for the pain that you are about to go through. Yeah she's hot, sex was fantastic bla bla.

The game plan that you need to take is to take some time to yourself and take some walks at night to clear your head. ALL CONTACT WITH HER MUST STOP. Trust me she will start calling, best bet 1-2 months, remember, not chasing her means she has lost control, for her to get the control back she needs to get you back in the game calling her and chasing her so she can control and manipulate you again. Do not fall prey to this as I did.

You will lose a lot of weight, so you will start looking good. The first few months, forget about going out with other women because you can't move to the future until you are done with the past.

Then start going out with your mate's a lot, forget about the sex, just start having friendships with the ladies. If you are like me, you will be amazed at how many women will want you when you act or are generally disinterested and or distracted.

If the daily thoughts of her continue past 3 months, go to the physician and get on an antidepressant, short term only.

I know this is a long post, but I wanted to give you my take because I am a successful guy. I retired at 45 and never had problems with the ladies. She almost killed me. I buried myself developing a software program after the breakup that became amazingly successful. Because of her, I made more money that I ever dreamed of, the ultimate payback.

Sometimes, the man upstairs sends you to hell for awhile, but rewards you in other ways. If you never see bad times you will not appreciate good times. Divert those energies to help others who CANNOT help themselves or are unfortunate. Peace to you, hope that I have been of help.

Folks, this thread's a year old! (Aug. 11, 2006 to be precise.)

Yo dude my prays go out to you I'm new and I am still young but I've gone through stuff like that with betrayals from people I thought friends and gfs. I just got to say to you never give up I wanted to kill myself although I never would have the courage but I've healed over time I've set goals for myself and I'm putting all my heart and soul in to completing them. There's someone out there for all of us but there's lots of people in the world so don't give up hope.