I was bullied for over 4 years at a small, all-girls secondary school and I had no friends. I had friends in year 7 and some of year 8 but from then onwards to year 11 I lost all my friends. I wandered whether it was me but I couldn't think of anything that would lead to everyone being nasty to me. All the girls were so fake, especially towards me and they used to gossip and spread rumours about me. They never invited me out with them and I never knew why. I was wandering if it could be jealousy because at my new school that I have been in for one year now, my knew friends say I'm really pretty and that I have a lovely figure etc and my mum has always said that (but I never knew whether to believe her or not since she is my mum and she's bound to say stuff like that) anyway, the bullying really affected me and I still haven't got over it fully, I'm only just getting my confidence back, as I would hardly talk to anyone, I thought I was fat and ugly as the girls made me feel like that, and I though no guys liked me. So I am just wandering is it me or is it jealousy or what is it?

It’s insecurity. All kids go through it going through the awkward years.
They all react to it differently though. Some bully. Some are quiet. Some behave awkwardly.
It’s not something you do to them, it’s just them reacting to the world around them.

Bullies do what they do to get attention and power over others. They are getting something out of it they think is working for them. Bullies target people who are quiet, keep to themselves and are easy to push around and will comply with what it is they are after. Sometimes it could be an act of jealousy – this is quite common with girls.

It could be over a one time incident that happened in the past.
Or worse - This person has developed a personality disorder and will behave this way around others until late in life. These ones seek relationships with easy targets and as soon as one stands up for themselves, they ditch them to find another target.

I’d say your best bet to deal with it is not be able to be pushed around – it’s best you learn now to master as it’ll really help you in adult hood.
You can ignore it. You could stand up to it. But don’t stoop to their game and start bullying back. And don't respond in a way that you are seeking their approval. This only fuels it more and enables them into believing that this is how they get what they want.

The main thing to keep in mind when being confronted with a bully, is remember that this is their problem. Separate yourself from them and their behaviour.
They choose this behaviour. You do not cause it. There are many ways you can respond to it but it is up to the bully to stop.

Sometimes that takes them realizing that their behaviour isn't working as intended. They might even move onto trying on different behaviours to see which one is better at manipulating..
Par for the course for youths trying to 'find themselves'. Sometimes it's just a phase they grow out of.

Some kids need to put someone down in order to push themselves up. It doesn't really work but they do it anyway. They probably learned it at home. Some outgrow it and sadly some don't and you can see it in the ways adults are too. They are likely the parents who create kids like this. My family was like this but I outgrew it and was something of an outsider growing up for having done that too. Today I am grateful I did.

I can tell you that despite your seeming fragile confidence, you are a thousand percent ahead of those kids in that you don't engage in this destructive need to "get one over" on someone. In time, you will go far because you will have developed "the real thing" whereas the ones who continue to do this will be handicapped by it in many many ways. I say BRAVO to you!

Feel good that you know better, but still maintain compassion for the ones who are so mistaken, otherwise you risk looking down at them and becoming one of them yourself. Practice seeing things as they are (in both what works and doesn't work, in both them and you) -- it will serve you well.

Thank you very much, ill keep all that advice in mind!

Working ins schools, I do know that bullying can really be harmful to kids!! We have a no bullying policy and is NOT tolerated... I am sorry that is lasted so long, but I do agree with the above, that you are such a better person for being more mature. Power, jealousy and low sense of self are bullying issues... and please do not compare yourself to them. You will find that people are not like this is (as much) in the world and you will find people who don't need a power struggle... and you will be able to choose who you have in your life. I truly am sorry you had to go through that... I know it can be really emotional and truamatizing at time... you seem to have an amazing spirit and keep look forward!

Hey, I want to say I know where you are coming from. I had this happen to me a lot growing up. Sadly some of them will make it in high places. But, just know that you probably are a much more beautiful person than they could ever be. It takes a better and much braver person to not stoop so low as it does for someone to get in your face. Girls are vicious and that is proably why I have so few of them as friends today. Good luck, maybe you'll have better luck with male friends like me :)

Thank you guys very much for your replies you have certainly given me hope for the future and that little extra boost of confidence. Thank you

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Originally Posted by kaz_89

I was bullied for over 4 years at a small, all-girls secondary school and i had no friends. I had friends in year 7 and some of year 8 but from then onwards to year 11 i lost all my friends. I wandered whether it was me but i couldnt think of anything that would lead to everyone being nasty to me. All the girls were so fake, especially towards me and they used to gossip and spread rumours about me. they never invited me out with them and i never knew why. i was wandering if it could be jealousy because at my new school that i have been in for one year now, my knew friends say im really pretty and that i have a lovely figure etc and my mum has always said that (but i never knew whether to believe her or not since she is my mum and she's bound to say stuff like that) anyway, the bullying really affected me and i still havnt got over it fully, im only just getting my confidence back, as i would hardly talk to anyone, i thought i was fat and ugly as the girls made me feel like that, and i though no guys liked me. so i am just wandering is it me or is it jealousy or what is it??

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They were angry that you did not find themimportant enough to go out of your way to impress.They were theones who were intimidated by you.
They did not knowyou, or what you thought of them.
They were judging you by your actions.
You were disinterested in them, and they thought they were sooooo special.

Most people say they are insicure but it's not, its just that you are vunrable, make them feel like they are nothing for a while and say, that's what it feels like.
I am bullied but if you see someone doing something you like, talk to them, that's how I found my best friends and we all did it so now we are all friends with common intrests,me my friends help each other (we are all bullied)

They were most likely jealous of you,my mum calls thoes turn coat friends,don't trust anyone that shows signs of resentment towards you,I get bullied all the time at my singing practice,but I don't let it bother me,and it shouldn't bother you either,you should just forget all about it,after all,it happened a while ago didn't it?

Also don't listen to what other people say about you,and guys will like you when the time comes,I'm just ten but I know a lot and I suggest that you forget about what they said about you,everyone is beautifull in there own way.