Can't believe I am asking a total stranger, but here goes. Divorced father of four(that starts things in their perspective). Shared custody--Seriously though, have four well mannered, never a problem children. Two go to college in Florida--the other two within the next year--let me state, have never, ever had one problem with any of them--Just recently, the third was accepted to Marist, which I definitely, no chance can afford. Surprised at his acceptance, cause he just gets by in high school, although very smart, but extremely lazy. That said, I originally though all would go to Florida, and there was a rebellion. I guess I was looking for a family togetherness, so to speak. Well, I realized that everyone is an individual, and said that he(the Marist one), could definitely not go there, but could go to a state school. From his annoyance, he left, went to his mom's house(whom I do not communicate with), stole my credit cards, and charged up a storm on them. He refuses to return the items, nor is his other parent making him return them, and says, no matter what, he shall go to Marist. His younger brother(who-honestly--has acted like a saint up until the last three weeks)--, and he, now refuses to communicate, nor see me at all. This sudden change has worried me tremendously. They refuse all e:mails, and contact, and will not return the stolen goods. One of the two in Florida, also said, he doesn't like it there, and wants to come North. I agreed, and he is fine, with going to a state school in New York. Trouble is, I obviously can not afford the $40,000 per year at Marist, but neither he nor his younger brother believe that one bit. In the past(pre divorce), I could have afforded anyplace, but life;s realities, and the stock market, have ruined, not just mine, but many people's finances. Thus, how do I get my two youngest to respect me again, and for that matter, to at least speak. My friends suggest just giving them time to realize their disrespect for their father, and that they need the friendship and guidance. Thoughts? And HELP??

First it was not your place to say he could not go, you say, of course you can go, have you figured out how to pay for it, He may have gotten student loans and grants and a work study program.

You did not sit down and discuss this with him.

Next what is YOUR credit cards doing at your ex's house, if he charged report him for unauthorised use and hold him legally liable, give mother that choice to either her pay for items or send them back.

Thanks for the quick reply. Your first line, I shall agree with you. I guess it was probably better to respond as you suggested. I did sit down and discuss with him. Unfortunately it ended rather quickly when I stated that there is no way he can go there.

Third point, I should clear up. The cards were at my house, in my desk, not at her house. Let me again stress, that until this point, we have never, ever had any types of fights or misunderstandings. We are a family that seldom yells, and I thought were a "white picket fence". What is confusing is he, and his younger brother refusing to now even speak with me. You are talking about a father who picks his children up from school, every day for the last ten years. I refuse to believe it is just the teenage temperament. I am sure that the blame is with me also. Just can't figure out. After all, aren't the children of today, understanding of the current economic reality? Am I to blame for having given them too much in the past, and they now expect it? / Thanks for your time. Appreciate.

Have you and your ex wife managed to talk at all since your divorce?

Your boys problems may be less about financial matters (although they're definitely important and can't be skimmed over) as it is about your boys finding themselves unable to properly address and solve problems, as they haven't had their parents example to show them and prove to them how it's done. I don't mean to sound arrogant in saying that, as my ex and I are work in progress ourselves at the moment, having only started on a series of co-parenting counselling sessions a few months ago (after three years of not being able to talk following our separation and subsequent divorce). The fact we're now talking and can sit with our children to lay some ground rules and set a few goals, is making a HUGE difference to our children, who are much happier they can now look forward to sitting down together every couple of months to catch up on how we're all doing.

Hope that somehow addresses your situation with your boys, and helps in some way.