I’m a singer in a band, I’m 25 and I’ve never really been in a real relationship before. If I’ve ever been in a loving relationship, it has been short lived and very private. I’ve never had a boyfriend who felt comfortable about introducing me to people as his girlfriend. I think guys see me as a bit of a party girl for naughty fun and entertainment.

I’m a very attractive girl, smart, sensitive, outgoing, caring, ambitious, affectionate, sexy, funny but no one decent enough makes the effort to ask me out. Sorry to sound shallow but a lot of unattractive loser type guys make more of an effort with me and it’s probably because they’re used to rejection so they just go for it without being afraid. In a lot of desperate situations, I’ve ended up with men who are manipulators, users, insecure, mentally abusive or selfish but as long as they stuck with me and showed me affection then I used to accept it for a while.

All my friends think that I don’t realise how special and beautiful I am and that I always go for the bad boys and the wrong guys. I do look back and think of the guys I’ve been with and it’s shocking but I don’t know what else to do. Everyone has needs and I just want to be in a loving relationship so I give men a chance.

I find that the guys I want are always intimidated by me, especially because I am in a popular rock band, I’m very tall, I get free entry into most trendy clubs, I know a lot of people etc.. But those things are not who I am and guy’s I want never see passed all that. They run a mile and settle with a simple girl they think they can control. I want a man with confidence and emotional intelligence. I want a real man to see passed the bull**** and love me for who I am.

Anyway, I think I found my match. I met him at one of my gigs and he’s perfect in everyway. It was love at first sight. I saw love and maybe he saw lust but we connected. We spent most of the night together chatting but we didn’t exchange numbers as we were both in relationships at the time. I thought of him often and then 7 months later he approached me at a party and we hit it off again. This time it was right, because we are both single and looking.

We couldn’t keep our eyes off each other. We were inseparable for a whole weekend. It was like we were in each others heads. We held each others hands and cuddled like lovers. Although he spent the night at my place, I refused to sleep with him because I was scared it might just turn out to be a one night stand. He really wanted to but was cool about it and we kissed and cuddled instead. He took me out on a date 3 days later with lots of lovely text in between.

The date was so special. We went to see Fuerzabruta; he then took me for dinner and drinks. We held hands the whole time, laughed and totally connected in everyway.
I had to be up early in the morning and it got pretty late so I didn’t invite him up to my flat when he walked me home but then he didn’t even try to come up anyway, we had a snog and then he went home.

It’s been a 1 week since the date and he hasn’t called. He sent me a lowsy text 4 days after the date simply saying “Hey. Have a good gig 2nite, do you know where my friend can get some drugs”. So I text back saying “I’m really excited about the show. Have a great night at your friends wedding and by btw I’m not your drug dealer you cheeky bastard”

He hasn’t replied and I’m heart broken. He was definitely the one for me but something's changed his attitude and I want to find out what it is or give it one last chance. Shall I text him again and if yes, what should I say?

Do not text him or call. Make yourself unavailble for dating awhile. Find another interest to occupy your time. Something off the beaten path, something your friends would not expect you to be into (violin lessons, volunteer to teach someone to read, get into a BigBrother/BigSister program, etc.) You'll be surprised what happens when you're into a new crowd AND seeing someone is the last thing on your mind. It all seems to come together, perfectly.

Do yourself aa favor and leave the cheeky bastard alone. Find other ways to spend your time and leave the guys alone. He will find you if your out there.

Part of "being the one" is availability to your partner so there is the first clue.

The other really significant part about "the one" is in knowing him really really well. Well enough so that situations don't baffle you like this one is. The truth is--its not possible to blow it like that with "the one". He can't be "the one" if only he would ___________________.

I see a lovely woman with a mismatched image, a quick finger pointed at anyone but herself and a bad track record about to be overcome by her own baggage, who is on the brink of disaster by trying too hard and who is resorting to going way way too fast. So stop! Relax. Reread the two other posts as many times as necessary to get it to sink in. Please, for your sake.

Hey, I've been in a similar situation regarding the "why isn't he calling me" sort of thing... the truth is... He's just not that into you... and yet that you may have heard this a million times even by books and such... it's the truth... with technology nowadays... it doesn't take that long to give someone a call... because if he was, he'd be calling you... and to read the line in your story that he asked you for drugs, almost seems like he's just up for fun and trying to see what he can get to his advantage... I think you should just move on... because calling, worrying, and sitting by the phone will waste your time... if you're smart enough.. you would already know by now that he isn't worth it and that though it is heart breaking... just remember that heartbreaks will always **** with your ego, that's why it's very important to have a good self esteem because they serve as barriers from lifes bad moments,people,love, work, etc...

I know I'm a little late here, but I'll go ahead anyway...

Quote:

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I find that the guys I want r always intimidated by me, especially because I am in a popular rock band, I’m very tall, I get free entry into most trendy clubs, I know a lot of people etc.. But those things are not who I am and guy’s I want never see passed all that.

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These guys probably don't see past the "partying bar scene" because that's where you're meeting them.
Fuerzabruta is an intense show Girl! He may have been one overwhelmed "cheeky bastard"... LOL...
I would not suspect that the guys you're meeting in bars would have the slightest clue as how to perceive or understand that show. Sure, they may pretend not to be totally whacked and clueless, but my guess is that, cheeky bastard, was dumbfounded... LOL...

It may be that you are too "deep" for an ordinary "shallow" bar type guy.

I'm curious, how did you feel about the show?

Carmans box has a point about hanging around with different types...
I had been out with dj's, music producers, music journalists, actors, directors, bassists... You get the image... And I used to think my friends boys were totally boring in comparison...
This pattern seemed to emerge that the men I chose were really insubstantial, unreliable, spinelss and sort of wishy-washy...
I sort of accidentally (through a friend) ended up spending some time with an engineer who I now live with and am marrying... And he's the perfect balance for me... Though he's not what I would have thought was 'my type'...
I guess I mean that we (or at least I) don't always have the judgment to know what my type is, and what I'm initially attracted to isn't what I can remain attracted to for a long time...
Don't mistake me - my boy is gorgeous - he just wasn't the 'artsy' type.
And please don't think that I'm saying that all creative types are deficient somehow - it's just that what balances you out is not necessarily what you think it will be...