So one of my friends---that I used to be close to--asked me to be in her wedding. I kindly told her yes, but that my time commitment would be strained but that I would be happy to help with anything with enough notice and also that I didn't mind if decisions were made without me as long as I was informed of what was going on.
Over the last couple of months many instances have taken place which has lead to animosity between the bride and I. I either was informed too last minute to rearrange my work schedule (I work four jobs) or was not informed at all of events, meetings or changes.
The last straw was last night she called me to tell me that the date of her bachelorette party was going to be changed from Feb 28 to March 7, I hated to inform her that I am supposed to leave from Spring Break March 6. I told her and she freaked out on me basically saying how ty I've been. I offered to drive separately for spring break so I could stay for the party and she couldn't believe I'd planned to be out of town the weekend before the wedding (in her words---the bachelorette party is almost always the weekend before the wedding--in all honesty, your bridesmaids shouldn't have to guess.)
Needless to say the fight ended with her saying "if you don't want to be in the wedding fine but I need to know like now." and hanging up.
At this point I don't believe that I can take part in her wedding, I feel it would be a lie and I feel that she has disrespected my time and requests as a person to due this for her. Any help on how to put that all nicely and without daggers when I inform her of my plans for backing out of the wedding?

Merely say you are sorry but they are changing too many dates. That normally once a date is set that is the date.

What was the reason for chaging the date of the party from 2/28,

She wanted to have it the same day that the groomsmen planned to bachelor party with was the 7th. She originally planned the 28th and switched it when she found out their date.

I think brides to be go through some crazy transformation in their personalities.

If this is a good friend I would say try to patch things up as losing a friend is usually never to anyone's advantage. Maybe you can do some damage control and explain how you feel and remind her of the friendship.See if you can't compromise.

If you can't then...

If you truly feel that you can't be involved you must tell her now.

I'm sorry but I informed you initially that I had some concerns about time restraints and I just can't manage all of these demands right now.If it is going to put you in a bad position I will try to comply but you have to cut me some slack also.

If she knew up front that you were not going to be available for certain activities, then she shouldn't be freaked out about it.

I would think that you wouldn't plan to be out of town the week before the wedding, but that's just me.

It's her day. When it's all said and done, the dress is packed away, the cake is in the freezer, and the pictures are in frames... do you want to be in them? Do you want to be a significant part of your friend's wedding? Do you want her to remember that you "should have been there" but backed out?

She's crazy right now. She's a bride. It IS her day.

Whatever you do, be calm and rational. Tell her that she knew up front that you couldn't be at everything. But make up your mind soon, because if you back out, she will need to find a replacement.