Ask Me Help Desk - I'm in the dark about everything

Last year, I realized I had feelings for this girl I've known since like middle school. We had some classes together, so I tried to stick around her, because we were friends. Everything stirred around in my head/stomach I guess for a really long time, until I told her I liked her. I asked her if she liked me back or not and she said she thought I knew that she didn't. Friend zoned? I never dropped the feeling, I guess. If I did I wouldn't still be thinking about her so much, to myself.

I've been pretty cool with her, I was never awkward with her or anything. We still have some classes together, and I talk to her when I get the chance. I can keep her laughing, which makes me feel good when I'm with her. One part of what I'm trying to ask is: I still like her; where am I going?

And, I think she might be with someone, but like I said in the title, I am totally in the dark.

First, like, her Facebook said "married", which freaked me out, and then it turned out she was just being cute with her friend (girl). Now it's "complicated".

Also, today I heard her talking to her friend about what could have been anything, I guess; I heard her say "I got kissed today". To say what needs to be said, I want to know more/I feel like just from hearing that.

So I'm just trying to reconcile everything I'm feeling, like I've been doing for a long time now. I really want to know if she's going out with someone. What if she is? What if she isn't? What else could I/should I do?

If you read this, thanks.

You are still in the friend zone. You've also made a huge erroe in that when she told you, you were in the friend zone you stuck around... like a friend. What you should have done is backed away, and quite honestly you still should. She controls every aspect of this relationship, and you are the one thinking with your feelings. That is backward to how women want it. Women want to feel something and men should be in control. But your not even in control of the situation or yourself. You are way to available, so now you have to back off and hopefully, and it is a long shot, but hopefully she'll miss you after time has passed.

Thanks for the insight, I appreciate it.

All that time you spend wondering about her, you could have spent doing what you enjoy, and found a far more interesting female that feels as you do.

Not to late to start either.

Sorry if there are any rules about bumping my question up, but the other day I found out she broke up with whoever she was going out with. He didn't return her texts or something. I don't know who he is. He kind of sounds like a .
(I don't think they could have been going out for too long, and she wasn't depressed or anything when I saw her)

I don't really talk to her about that sort of thing, which is why I can't ever think of a good opportunity to just ask her out or something. I mean, it should be spontaneous, but that spontaneous? That's a question.

She set her Facebook to single, and is looking for friendship/dating/a relationship now. Also, it's a week before valentine's day.

That, there, is my situation, I suppose. I read a lot of other people's on places like Yahoo answers and here. They were all very similar in one or more ways, but I can't help but feel like I have special circumstances.

I feel like you didn't read my first post and I can tell you are so much more into her, then she is into you. You are clearly not thinking straight. So hold on, grab a drink, take a deep breath, and prepare to be Chuffed.

Before I do, I'm moving your thread around a bit. Because the last thing you wrote is where we need to start.

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

They were all very similar in one or more ways, but I can't help but feel like I have special circumstances.

You do not. You want there to be special circumstances. But there are none.

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

Sorry if there are any rules about bumping my question up,

There are not rules and if you got more questions you should keep asking them. Nobody here wants you suffering or confused.

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

but the other day I found out she broke up with whoever she was going out with. He didn't return her texts or something. I don't know who he is. He kind of sounds like a .

Why?

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

(I don't think they could have been going out for too long, and she wasn't depressed or anything when I saw her)

Wouldn't matter if she was. That's not your problem. Furthermore, you are not her emtional tampon, which is exactly what you are trying to set yourself up as. A woman wants a man and you are not being one. You are just trying to pick up her scraps and quite honestly that is a recipe for disaster.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girafarig

I don't really talk to her about that sort of thing, which is why I can't ever think of a good opportunity to just ask her out or something.

Am I missing something? You already asked her about how she felt and she told you, you were friends. Instead of getting out, you stuck around and confirmed that. Why would you ask her out again?

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

I mean, it should be spontaneous, but that spontaneous? That's a question.

From what you write, unless you are leaving something out, I get the impression she's going to feel awkward. In fact I think if you ask out your friend, she's going to start backing away from you, which ironically is what you should being doing to her. She has no incentive to go out with you, you are available at a moments notice. You are not rare, you are not unique, you are the friend. If she were to go out with you, she's just going to use you in the temporary until something better comes along. This is why, I said you need to focus on you. She's got to be into you, but how could she if you are lost to the point you will just be available as an emotional scrape.

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

She set her facebook to single, and is looking for friendship/dating/a relationship now.

God of please no. I'm not going to say I'm not guilty of it myself, but Facebook, myspace, and the others are modern day emotional torture chambers. Look if you have to go to a website to study someone's status, you are not emotionally sound to be in a relationship. That is coming from someone who's done it, I'm not knocking you, I've been there.

Again, you have to work on your own emotional stability and confidence WITHOUT HER around before you can even consider her or anybody else at this point in your life. This is backwards, you are going to her, almost begging for a date, and she's just thinking of you as another guy, a friend, a really, really good friend. That just ain't going to fly.

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Originally Posted by Girafarig

Also, it's a week before valentine's day.

Who cares? I can't even believe you are thinking of valentines day. You are not going out, you are not dating, you are friends. You can't possibly be thinking of doing something to set yourself back even further on valentines day can you? If you get her anything on valentines day, you will freak her out even more.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Girafarig

That, there, is my situation, I suppose. I read a lot of other people's on places like yahoo answers and here.

You think your situation is different, but it's not. When you are wrapped up in a situation you want to believe that your situation is different and special, but the reality is it is human psychology playing itself out like it always does. Sucks when it's you, I know I've been there but you can not start lying to yourself and say "That does not apply to me, this situation is different" because that will only prolong the emotional pain from the reality.

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-You do not. You want there to be special circumstances. But there are none.

I guess so, yeah.

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-Wouldn't matter if she was. That's not your problem. Furthermore, you are not her emotional tampon, which is exactly what you are trying to set yourself up as. A woman wants a man and you are not being one. You are just trying to pick up her scraps and quite honestly that is a recipe for disaster.

Yeah, that makes sense. I don't want to be that to her or make her think that I do.

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-Am I missing something? You already asked her about how she felt and she told you, you were friends. Instead of getting out, you stuck around and confirmed that. Why would you ask her out again?

For the same reasons I asked her out the first time. I can't really defend them, they're not the most rational feelings I have ever had. You said I'm not thinking straight. Well, I only have one head, so I'm doing my best.

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-From what you write, unless you are leaving something out, I get the impression she's going to feel awkward. In fact I think if you ask out your friend, she's going to start backing away from you, which ironically is what you should being doing to her. She has no incentive to go out with you, you are available at a moments notice. You are not rare, you are not unique, you are the friend. If she were to go out with you, she's just going to use you in the temporary until something better comes along. This is why, I said you need to focus on you. She's got to be into you, but how could she if you are lost to the point you will just be available as an emotional scrape.

Good point, thanks. Okay. I probably won't spring anything on her now, but I generally don't use the word "friend" to describe someone who would just back away from me. I don't want to back away from a friend either, even though I don't feel like hugging my other friends a whole lot.

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-Who cares? I can't even believe you are thinking of valentines day. You are not going out, you are not dating, you are friends. You can't possibly be thinking of doing something to set yourself back even further on valentines day can you? If you get her anything on valentines day, you will freak her out even more.

I wasn't thinking of getting her something, so I know that would freak her out haha. I said it just as a part of the post. She broke up with someone a week before valentine's day, so that sucks.

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-You think your situation is different, but it's not. When you are wrapped up in a situation you want to believe that your situation is different and special, but the reality is it is human psychology playing itself out like it always does. Sucks when it's you, I know I've been there but you can not start lying to yourself and say "That does not apply to me, this situation is different" because that will only prolong the emotional pain from the reality.

Yeah, I agree. I wasn't lying to myself like that. The stuff I read was similar, and even if they were just people being people, I don't think anything is either black or white. I typed up my thoughts to try to get an answer to my own questions instead of only reading other people's. I'm not as big of a tool as I made it sound, lol. Thanks a lot for all of the advice.