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I'm 18 about to be 19 and I had an abortion when I was 15. The father of the baby was only the second guy I had sex with at the time. Now I have sex all the time. I've had a lot of partners and I'm only 18! I thought it was normal at first but now I am wondering if it has anything to do with the abortion. I don't even like sex that much, it hurts afterwards and I've never had an orgasm with a partner. I'm not sure about it anymore and I really want to know what's going on with me.
Normal for who ?
But if you are not waiting to have sex with someone you care for, and you are not taking time to enjoy sex there are a lot of issues.
Normal for a teenage girl... I don't ever want to have sex with these guys but every time I do I'm secretly hoping ill get pregnant or they will fall in love with me... what do I do?
Well then you have a problem-a psychological one, if you think that becoming pregnant will "help" or "trap" someone, NOR will it make someone LOVE you. It will NEVER happen.Quote:
Originally Posted by kme07e
You may need to speak to a counsellor
Best wishes though
If you are thinking about getting pregnant, and that somehow a casual sex partner will fall in love with you, you are mistaken.
I can understand the need to be wanted, the need to be loved and to love in return. To have somebody that cares deeply for you, that you can trust is something we all strive for at some point in our lives.
But, it is not something that you can make happen. That you have sex with many partners does not mean that any of them will want anything more than that.
After you establish trust, and feelings are mutual, relationships grow deeper and more meaningful. This doesn't happen with one night stands.
You probably know of girls who have done what you are thinking of doing. They've had babies. Ask them what their lives are like, and what they'd do differently if they could change the past. Do they have any regrets?
Having a serious relationship is hard work. Having a baby is even harder. But sex for sex's sake is only going to keep you from having more self-respect and pride in yourself. Making a decision to have sex with lots of guys, and not even enjoying it, is not a natural and healthy way to grow up.
Slow down and think about what you really want. If it is a relationship, then set some standards and expectations for yourself. Anybody wanting you just for sex, is only using you, and they won't stick around.
I'll second that... and please do so before you DO get pregnant with the wrong guy... Kids should come only after you establish a great relationship and get married. Not the other way around.Quote:
Originally Posted by Xrayman
Do NOT intentionally get pregnant for some dude to fall in love with you. It will not work. Raising a child is very hard work. You need to talk to a counselor and see what is going on in your mind so you can fix it. Whatever you do, do not get pregnant. It is not worth it. What happens when the dude doesn't want anything to do with you or the child? Then you are the one stuck with the child or another hard decision ahead of you. Be careful talk to your parents!
Girl, stop having sex!. you are seriously messed-up about the role of sex in a woman's life. You are totally on the way to being a prostitute.
Get yourself to a therapist. Asap If you work with a good therapist, you can find ways to live a happy life.
My best wishes to you going forward. :)
Sounds to me like your missing a faher figure in your life. Is your dad around?
Trap a guy with a kid on purpose and you can guarantee a lifetime of resentment. Assuming he sticks around at all.
Kids are best had with a married couple who plans them...
Guys do not like women who have kids to "keep their man" or expect them to love them for sticking him with an unplanned child he wasn't consulted about having in the first place.
Accidents are bad enough to deal with... intentional deceit like that will make a man really hate you.
And yes that's corect... Its bad enough to deal with someone else's insecurities... but intentionally having a baby just to use against him is one of the worst things a woman can do... next to sleeping with his best friend out of spite. It is the LAST way to win any guys heart.
Nobody shares fantasies about having someone's child by trickery and living happily ever after. Lifes not a storybook fairytail... for anyone.
I'm sorry if this is harsh... but its reality... you won't ruin only your own life... but that of the unfortunate sperm donor as well, and in that case it would be a miricle if the kid didn't suffer as well. Because even if he stuck around seeing the kid would be daily reminder to him that an insecure woman cost him his future.
That's EXACTLY how I would have felt if any woman I was ever dating had done that. Because I would never have met and married my wife.
No my father is not in my life, and I am not intentionally trying to get pregnant its like deep down that is how I feel, I totally understand the emotional regret iI would feel if I trapped a guy into a child or a relationship, but I also know he regret of losing my child and making that choice and it kills me.
You did what you felt was right at the time and beating yourself up over it and being promiscuous because of it will only make matters worse.
You have to forgive yourself,I know that is easier said than done but trying to lose yourself this way is a vicious circle. You feel guilt so you have sex and then feel guilty about the sex.
Forgive yourself and learn how to love yourself enough that you don't degrade yourself.
There will be the right time for children and you need to be a whole healthy person before you will be ready for parenthood.
Work on getting self esteem and stop punishing yourself my dear.
What done is done... in one way you don't have a kid consuming the rest of your life yet... look toward the future and make sure the next pregnancy isn't until you are both married and ready to have it.
Perhaps now is a good time to get counseling to find out why you are making the choices you are and hopefully build up yourself esteme as well. You can build up yourself esteme without tearing someone else's down.
Sometimes after you have an abortion it eats you up emotionally and you have feelings of regret.
They have services for that. I don't know the name of it now but I can get it if your interested. An organization offers a free retreat for females that had an abortion, it's a letting go sort of thing. My friend went and afterwards she felt better and most of all it helped her cope with it better.
Also, counselling comes to mind. It can help too so maybe you should give that a try too.
This I could tell. Do you have an older brother/ uncle/ cousin or a male figure in your life you can look up to? You need to spend time with an older male figure who can teach you those things your dad wasn't around to teach you. You need to have a man in your life who has no sexual intentions for you and only wants to see you do the best you can.Quote:
Originally Posted by kme07e
A lot of girls like yourself who lack a father figure try to fill that void by having sexual encounters with men they do no care about just because the yearn for the closeness a man can provide. But what they fail to realize is these men do not care about them and only have one thing on their mind which is sex.
I've had an abortion too and it took me awhile to get over it... still to this day I am not over it but I am moving forward. I didn't have my child because I wasn't married and I was way too young. I was not ready to raise a child on my own. Neither are you. You had the abortion to keep all lifes oppurtunities open to you. If you have a baby those oppurtunities will disappear. Especially if you have a baby with a man who doesn't want to be with you. He will not fall in love with you just because you are having his child. I know for a fact because my current bf's ex girlfriend got pregnant on purpose to keep him in her life, But he still did not want to be with her. Now she is a single mom with 2 kids by 2 different fathers who want nothing to do with her.
To me it seems like you have a void that needs to be filled, this was created by the lack of a father figure in your life. Fathers are generally the parent who installs self esteem, morals, and appropriate affection habits in their daughters. This seems to be everything your lacking.
Please get some help and stop having sex until you do.
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