Ask Me Help Desk - A Mother's Rights

My divorce is legal Feb. 2, 2009. We have 50/50 custody, but our 2 chilodren 7 and9 live with me. They are only seeing him, by his choice 6-8 hours a week. He gives me $250 every two weeks. I agreed to no spousal support. Should I go through child support to try to receive more child support. He makes $2500/month and I am making $1250. We are currently living with his mom because I cannot afford to rent, and I have 0 credit to even get a loan from HUD. What should I do? We live in Maxwell, California. Can I get the current custody changed to reflect the amount of time he spends with them? I don't want to take any rights away. He can see them as often as he chooses. I just feel he has abandoned us, we lost our home- that he is sharing with the other woman, and we were out. If his parents hadn't taken us in we would be homeless. I had been a stay at home mom for the 9 and 1/2 years we were married. I didn't even have a job when we left. HE filed for divorce on irreconsilable differences, and that was it. We never even went to court. What are my rights as ex-wife and mother?

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Originally Posted by StephApril25

My divorce is legal Feb. 2, 2009. We have 50/50 custody, but our 2 chilodren 7 and9 live with me. They are only seeing him, by his choice 6-8 hours a week. He gives me $250 every two weeks. I agreed to no spousal support. Should I go through child support to try to recieve more child support. He makes $2500/month and I am making $1250. We are currently living with his mom because I cannot afford to rent, and I have 0 credit to even get a loan from HUD. What should I do? We live in Maxwell, California. Can I get the current custody changed to reflect the amount of time he spends with them? I don't want to take any rights away. He can see them as often as he chooses. I just feel he has abandoned us, we lost our home- that he is sharing with the other woman, and we were out. If his parents hadn't taken us in we would be homeless. I had been a stay at home mom for the 9 and 1/2 years we were married. I didn't even have a job when we left. HE filed for divorce on irreconsilable differences, and that was it. We never even went to court. What are my rights as ex-wife and mother?

Right now your talking out of both sides so you need to figure what you really want. You can't say you don't want to take something away then say you want to go to court and change things. How much are you currently paying in rent right now ? How did you manage to get a divorce without going to court ?

California is a no fault state so the grounds he filed with are enough. Do you have a lawyer at this time ?

What should I do? We live in Maxwell, California.

You live in Maxwell, California? Who lives in Maxwell, California? I think the first thing I'd do is find a better place to live (it's not exactly the most swinging place in the world--isn't it like the chicken farm capital of the state?).

But in all seriousness, you are getting shortchanged on support. The DissoMaster says you should be getting $772 per month, not $500 (if it's $250 biweekly then the monthly amount is a little above at $542--still well below guideline); that's with a 5% timeshare (the 8 hours per week that he sees the kids).

Can I get the current custody changed to reflect the amount of time he spends with them? I don't want to take any rights away.

When you say you have "50/50 custody" does that mean you simply have joint custody on paper or does your disso judgment spell out specific times that he's suppose to be with the kids (like week on- week off) but isn't? If it's just a "joint custody" on paper thing with no specific visitation schedule, I wouldn't worry about changing it. If there's a schedule that, if followed, would amount to a 50% timeshare, then you should do a motion for modification.

In any event, you should open a case with DCSS (child support services) and ask that they file a motion so that you get guideline child support (the $772/month). Just tell them he has the kids 6-8 hours a week and give them your income information. It won't cost you anything.

Now I know where Maxwell is. It's not a chicken farm place (I was thinking about somewhere else) but it's still out in the boondocks. Sorry.

I've been to your court house in Colusa by the way. It's a nice little place (nice place to visit but wouldn't want to live there sort of thing).

But take my advice on what I said earlier. You'll be fine.