I've been through a hard time since I was 18 or 17... its really a long story and I really need help... can you help me??

I was a very simple girl nothing to do in life I just go to school... and all this period I was feeling so lonely at school I felt like I want to be alone and I dun know why I was feeling like I can't socialize or make friends... my parents used to travel they had a lot of issues at work and stuff... I just used to be alone
Then I met a guy we went through a relationship for 4 years almost it was very strong then when I grow up I felt like my feelings towards this guy changed and I dun want him anymore and we used to have sex with each other that was the first time for me to have sex but I didn't lost my virginity... then I met another guy I started to drink alcohols I learned everything from him smoking weed he loved me so much but I hated him because I felt like I did a lot of wrong things and he was the reason to become like that then I continued doing everything bad I just wanted to escape from everything from home and all the problems we had I was so in depressed and I thought in suicide... then I lost my virginity and I used to have sex wz a lot of guys not because I'm a but I was searching for a specific feeling that I couldn't find anywhere wz anyone and every guy I knew they used to be nice at first just act as if they love me just to sleep wz me and then they go away and ignore me like a peace of and after a while they come back wz all there... there are a lot of people who really hurt me I was shocked in my life many many times... I was doing this because I wanted to feel secure and I wanted to feel that there is someone there for me not because I'm just horny... they know nothing about me... they just wants to and that's it... am I guilty because I did something wrong in my life... the question is they'll keep judging me forever...
I feel like no one respects me... they know nothing about me to judge me..
I dun know if its all imaginations and I'm just doubting people... but I really need to know what to do to take off this feelings and deal wz everybody normally without being ashamed of anything I did... I feel so disappointed please help and try to understand what do I mean... im really so depressed as I also lost my job and nothing to do even I'm ashamed to meet any of my friends or the people I used to know... does mean that I lost everything ;(
Reply

You sound like you are in a bit of a bind. Tough you are not alone, many of us go through this. The thing you may want to look at are the idea that you don't seem to be proud of yourself, and you don't seem particularly happy with how your life is now, so why not use this would/could be time of crisis to reinvent yourself?

FIrst things first, Please learn to forgive yourself for the past. We all make mstakes. Don't beat yourself up about it, pay attention to the lessons you may or have learned from it and move on.

Learn to love yourself, yes I mean learn to look at yourself, and say, I am a good person and I would like to be my friend.

Learn to Love your body, see how truly beautiful you are. I suggest looking in a mirror and pick one thing you like about your body and focus on it. Then another day pick another, and continue to do this until you have lets say 10 or more things. Then when you look at yourself as a whole you will have those spots to focus on if you feel insecure. The parts you don't like but can change, work on them. No I do not mean by medical opperations, by exercise, healthy diet, etc. you have to decide that.

I suggest reading some self help books to help you with your thinking. Self talk is one thing to keep an eye on. Every body talks to themselves in their head, by thinking, and if you think negativly then negative results you will get. Thinking positivly gives to positive results. They say happiness is a state of mind. There are tons of books out there, I've read one that ties to cognitive Psychological approach, which deals with changing your behaviour on a conscious level. The book was called Talking to yourself.

Then I read a book called The brain that changes it's self. This book deals with a behavioural approach, so more geared to the idea that there is a stimulus then a reaction. This book gets into the inner workings of the brain it's self, and how it affects one's thoughts. It talks about the brains ability to alter and change it's self to acomidate for brain damage (say from a stroke.), being born with half a brain, or a few other neurological issues. It briefly talks about breaking bad habbits, and ideas of how to cope with OCD, by no means a cure.

So, I hope you can work off that. I hope I did not bore you too much, and if you want any info on those books let me know. I'll type it out here for you.

Peace and kindness be with you.

Thanks so much for your reply and thanxxx for this valuable advice... ill try my best to get over this...
But my biggest issue is OK I can forgive myself but no one can 4give me for anything I did as if am not a human... my problem is with people... im not that bad if I drunk and I had sex with different guys they see me a.. they dun understand that I was passing a really hard time and I didn't think before doing anything... the problem is if I am in there place I'm not going to judge a girl because she is unvirgin and here in my country it's a different culture they are not that open minded... and when people made me feel like I'm nothing because I'm just unvirgin then I felt like I will do anything even if its wrong I didn't think about anything... I have a lot of good things in me... my onely mistake that I lost my virginity between some people who just wants to talk and make fun of people... and ill tell you the funniest thing I dun know if they really talk on my back and they consider me as a but all the time I feel like this and I dun know if I'm right or not... or maybe because I feel guilty... but all I know I didn't regret anything because I really learned a lot am 24 years now and I feel like I'm thinking like someone who is 30 years old... and that's good for me... I used to work and feel like I'm doing a great thing but I failed at college...
I want to rearrange everything in my life... do you think I need to visit a shrink...

Maybe I need someone to talk with someone who can understand me because all my friends can't understand anything they just wants fun... thats why I came here and wrote about my issue... do u have any idea what can i do with people around me ?

Where are you from and what is your ethnicity?

I think your having a really hard time living up to everyone else's expectations. At least that's what comes through your post which I admit is sort of hard to understand, sorry chat speak is not my language but is English yours?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sadgirl1984

thanx so much for ur reply and thanxxx for this valuable advice ..... ill try my best to get over this...
but my biggest issue is ok i can forgive myself but noone can 4give me for anything i did as if am not a human....my problem is with people...im not that bad if i drunk and i had sex with different guys they see me a ..they dun understand that i was passing a really hard time and i didnt think before doing anything...the problem is if i am in there place im not gonna judge a girl because she is unvirgin and here in my country its a different culture they r not that open minded.....and when people made me feel like im nothing coz im just unvirgin then i felt like i will do anything even if its wrong i didnt think about anything....i have alot of good things in me ...my onely mistake that i lost my virginity between some people who just wants to talk and make fun of people... and ill tell u the funniest thing i dun know if they really talk on my back and they consider me as a but all the time i feel like this and i dun know if im right or not ..... or maybe coz i feel guilty.... but all i know i didnt regret anything coz i really learned alot am 24 years now and i feel like im thinking like someone who is 30 years old...and thats good for me....i used to work and feel like im doing a great thing but i failed at college....
i want to rearrange everything in my life ....do u think i need to visit a shrink...

maybe i need someone to talk with someone who can understand me coz all my friends can't understand anything they just wants fun.....thats why i came here and wrote about my issue .... do u have any idea what can i do with people around me ?

---

Hi again,

First I'd like to give to you some words that I find make me remember that it's not how fast you do it, when you do it, not even doing it with out difficulties; It is about simply doing it, even if you fail, learn from that, and keep going, don't stop until you feel you have accomplished something. (be reasonalbe.) The words may not make sense to many but I hope they help you.

"Do or do not... there is no try."- Yoda

So next time you say try like you did above,"ill try my best to get over this..." Remember that try implies that you can fail, but you only fail if you give up. So either you do it, and persever to the end, or you give up and do not do it.

I'm sorry that I never asked what nationality you were, cultural differences are not easy to work around. But I've bin studying up on socialogy so I have a pretty good idea how to work such things.

Have you ever heard that song by, is it green day? Boulevard of broken dreams. Any who, it says something like, I walk this empty street of dreams... I'm walking down the line that divides me somewhere in my mind... (indecision.) My shadows the only one that walks beside me, my shadow's heart's the only thing beating... I take from this the idea that we often must walk our own path "by our selves, but not alone." (metalica) Many people are feeling the same feelings as us, in similar situations. Take comfort in an open mind, force yourself to remember that you are not alone. With that, feel confident with yourself,or more accurately comfortalbe with yourself. The question I wonder is, do you really want to associate with people who are so willing to be ignorent? They are blinded by their own ideas, feelings in themselves to see what is really happening. They are not bad people, just missguided, and maybe one day they will come to see as you do.

Yes, those people seem to be going down a path you can not take. This may mean it's time to find new friends in new places, if you've ever considered joining any clubs? You may want to try one. "Since you can not tame the minds of others, start by taming your own." - Buddha

Maybe not so much a shrink, as just a counseler, some one to give you advice on tools to apply to sitations. They also can tell you where to learn about such tools. I'm talking about things like self-affrimations, Cognitive psychological approach, and much more.

Failed at college did you? How so? Can you not take the classes again? Can you not rebuild yourself, and go back to school when you are ready? I am 24 in canada mind you, and I'm in this very process. Not easy is it? It doesn't seem to help when all the people around you are going out all the time and having fun. I don't really talk to any one any more because that. But if I want my dream to be a reality I must persever.

As for the dealing with the people around you, you can not cahnge them, but you can change yourself. Focus on being you.

Peace and kindness.