Its been over six years that I left his father because he was a control freak. My son was 11 at the time and initially I was able to see him and talk to him since the courts granted joint custody. He was very angry at first then his attitude changed to the good for a short time. When he turned 14 he decided he would live with his father all the time. Ever since its been downhill for my relationship with him. He's almost 18 now and I've tried writing, texting, delivering notes to school, and no response. I've kept the notes and communication positive and don't mention anything about his father. Bottom line, I feel like I've lost him and my emotions are killing me. Any suggestions might help.

hb4now :(

hb4now,

I am so sorry! I have gone through a very similar situation after I divorced my control freak ex-husband, and he took both of my teens and had them sign papers saying they wanted to live with him and he hit me for child support and has made them hate me. My son too is almost 18 and will graduate this year. He quit football and will not walk the stage or attend any school functions for fear I will be there. He will not talk to me or have anything to do with me. I don't really have any words of advise for you because I don't know how to fix my situation either, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone.

I would be happy to lend an understanding ear though!

horriblemom (I don't believe you are)
I just can't believe how many terrible fathers/mothers are out there that don't realize the harm being done to the children. I'm sorry you've had to go through this as well. Lets just hope that someday as they mature they will come to there senses. And yes it does help to talk with other people such as yourself that are suffering the same emotions. Thanks for listening, I also am available to hear you out.

Someday he'll grow up and want to know what really happened. But in the meantime, bear in mind that he will have only seen things from his dad's perspective. I would suggest not pushing too hard right now. Send a card on his birthday and Christmas. (Maybe a gift card included with those if you can afford it.) Tell him each time that you love him and you're here whenever he's ready to talk. But if he's not responding to the overtures you've made, he might need some time and space to mature a bit.

Sometimes it is just time, It may be a few years, it may be 10, it may be never, all you can do is be there for him.

I know it is hard, but I think all we can do is keep telling them we do love them and miss them. I pray a lot! I have to remind myself that God does not beg us when we turn our backs, he waits for us to make the first move and then he takes us back and forgives us so gracefully. I wish I was more graceful sometimes... ugh! :eek:

Hang in there!! It will get better.

horriblemom
Your right, all we can do is pray. Sometimes I feel like things are getting worse with my kids/grand kids. I have the 18 year old son that won't acknowledge me and a 28 year old young woman that has three children. So I have a 11, 8, & 5yr old grandsons. I love them all, including my daughter, but... I hate to say she's on drugs and has been for a long time now. So she does not have custody of her children and the other grandma has the children. She also is an impossible woman to deal with, believe me I've tried. I had gone to court for grandparent visitation rights and got one day a month with the boys, which was better than nothing. But, just a couple of weeks ago the judge decided to suspend the visits because the eldest grandson told consulers that he felt anxiety before coming over. And I know (God knows) that his grandma has made him say that, and I say that because I know the lady from when we use to talk. So there's brainwashing all around, from parents to grandparents etc. Just keep praying, I will to, and I know that God knows my heart and soul. A lot of times bad things happen to good people, I don't know why, but its just the way it is. I know that I have to make myself strong to face all that comes to us in life. The good and the bad. I will keep on reaching out to my son and grandchildren. Nice posting to all of you.

Just try not to push with the son. He's only 18 and will be thinking only of himself right now. In time he'll come around. But you have to give him space. Send a card for special occasions and just maintain that you love him and you're there for him when he's ready to come back into your life.