Ask Me Help Desk - Commitment issues?

I started dating a gentlemen 6 months ago. He was very into me, giving me 100 percent. I work with a man who constantly asked me out. I told him I was dating Ted. Still he would ask me out. As my relationship continued ted and myself began to fight and bicker over little things. We broke up . We didn't talk for a week then when we saw each other things went back to the way they were without talking about what was going on. As my birthday was coming up I did not expect anything from him , since we were no longer together. The day of my birthday he took me out to dinner, gave me gifts, gave me a card, and wrote a paragraph in it on how he loves me. Now, the guy from work, is very persistent. He has been calling me 15 times on a Friday night, and also text messeging my phone to hang out. I ignored them. I felt I could not be mean and ask for him to stop calling completely because we work together. I would just tell him, I am busy, so NO. on my birthday he asked me to go out, I said " i am going to dinner with family" because I knew he would not call. He didn't. I leave my phone at Ted's and ted sees this and gets upset. Now he says " he just wants to be friends". I am confused. I tried to explain but I don't know what to do. Should I just let him be? Or is that an excuse for not wanting to be with me?

Honestly, the way you are acting with your co-worker, I would rather not date you myself.

From you own statement, your co-workers is calling you 15 times a day.

They have a saying for that…it is called sexual harassment.

Here is what you do.

Tell your co-worker that if he ever asks you out on a date again, you will report him to your HR Department. And next time he does, REPORT him.

If you take a stand, then Ted might be willing to give you another shot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love50818

I felt i could not be mean and ask for him to stop calling completely because we work together. i would just tell him, i am busy, so NO. on my birthday he asked me to go out, i said " i am going to dinner with family" because I knew he would not call. He didnt. I leave my phone at Ted's and ted sees this and gets upset. Now he says " he just wants to be friends". i am confused. i tried to explain but i dont know what to do. should i just let him be? or is that an excuse for not wanting to be with me?

Do yourself a favor and BE MEAN! Tell him in no uncertain terms to stop calling you or you will report him to the boss and charge him with sexual harassment which is exactly what his behavior is. As for Ted "just wanting to be friends", frankly I don't blame him. Until you take a firm stand with this co-worker who "you don't want to be mean to" I'm sure he's not going to want to be with you and frankly, neither would I.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Love50818

I started dating a gentlemen 6 months ago. he was very into me, giving me 100 percent. i work with a man who constantly asked me out. i told him i was dating Ted. still he would ask me out. as my relationship continued ted and myself began to fight and bicker over little things. we broke up . we didnt talk for a week then when we saw each other things went back to the way they were without talking about what was going on. as my birthday was coming up i did not expect anything from him , since we were no longer together. the day of my birthday he took me out to dinner, gave me gifts, gave me a card, and wrote a paragraph in it on how he loves me. Now, the guy from work, is very persistant. he has been calling me 15 times on a friday night, and also text messeging my phone to hang out. i ignored them. I felt i could not be mean and ask for him to stop calling completely because we work together. i would just tell him, i am busy, so NO. on my birthday he asked me to go out, i said " i am going to dinner with family" because I knew he would not call. He didnt. I leave my phone at Ted's and ted sees this and gets upset. Now he says " he just wants to be friends". i am confused. i tried to explain but i dont know what to do. should i just let him be? or is that an excuse for not wanting to be with me?

Well I truly don't blame Ted.
Ted seemed like a nice normal guy who is well into you!

But you screw it up, really because you don't want to tell your colleague to f**k off and stop harassing you. I think you like it a little bit, you like being chased by this guy, otherwise why wouldn't you tell him to STOP. It doesn't make no difference whether he is a neighbour, a colleague or whatever, if its REALLY annoying you, you would.

To set things straight with Ted it has to come all from you.

Tell Ted you will tell your colleague to STOP, and even tell your boss if its gets to that!

I don't blame Ted one bit since it looks like you've got someone on the side and he probably feels like your playing him. ARE you? Are you keeping this guy hanging in case Ted doesn't work out? That's the way it looks, so make up your mind and be mean. (That sounds lame to me)

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

I don't blame Ted one bit since it looks like you've got someone on the side and he probably feels like your playing him. ARE you? Are you keeping this guy hanging in case Ted doesn't work out? That's the way it looks, so make up your mind and be mean. (That sounds lame to me)

Yep - sounds lame to me too. Couldn't rate you Tal but good words here.

I don't like the fact that he looked at your phone... but I do agree that you need to tell Ted what is going on and make a serious effort to stop it. Is there a reason he wanted to look at your phone?

What is that creep at work doing? For get that guy - 15 times. Stay away fro mwork romance - pkus this guy has stalker tendencies. AGAIN this guy at your office sounds like a real creep - he needs some class - I smell sexual harassment - quit making excuses for him. Look what you're getting now and then what you will get.

You must love the attention.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wildcat21

What is that creep at work doing? For get that guy - 15 times. Stay away fro mwork romance - pkus this guy has stalker tendencies. AGAIN this guy at your office sounds like a real creep - he needs some class - I smell sexual harassment - quit making excuses for him. Look what you're getting now and then what you will get.

You must love the attention.

Couldn't spread it Wild, but well said and I agree.