She loves me a lot. I used to have no fear in loving her. Just one day I started disliking her physical looks. I used to be angry for some things that she did, but I suppressed that. I think it came back to me, cause now every little thing can make me mad. From that day I started to worry do I really love her or not. I don't know has me seeing her became a habit so I can't distinguish what is real. And I cried thousands of times for ever thinking that. But those thouths came back every day. I started to question myself "do i really love her or am i just carried away". I got this stomack twitchings every day. During that I think it's over with her. And when it stops I weep and repent for ever thinking that. I started thinking only about sex every day. Before my depression attacks I used to feel the love, and I rarely masturbated. Now I do it like 3 times a day. I became obsessed with hot dressed women on the street. They catch my mind and in that momment I start thinking "am i missing something", "should i try other women". Btw. This is my first girlfriend. Sometimes during the day I feel love fore her, but sometimes I feel like it's over. Sometimes I like the way she look sometimes I don't. I'm attracted to all the women on the planet. I like my girl cause we have billion of thing in common, and we are very free when together. When I start worrying about should I try other, in that momment I can't enjoy her company. I fear that if I break up I will find myself alone and a strager in other people worlds and that then I couldn't get her back, cause you never miss it 'till it's gone away. I just don't know how I feel. I fear that I was opsessed being with her cause she is my first and now the "carried away" thing has faded and the truth reveals it's self. I have low self-esteem and am undecieded and envious a lot. I think those are the main causes for me ruining myself. I don't know which way to go.
I hope anyone has the time to read this. Plus this are not all the fact probably. It's all that I can remember at this momment.

How old are you?

I feel like you might be reaching a different stage in your life. People go through stages and it comes off like you are searching for something else in your life (not just girlfriend related either) and you are starting to question everything around you now before you move forward.

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Originally Posted by chuff

How old are you?

I feel like you might be reaching a different stage in your life. People go through stages and it comes off like you are searching for something else in your life (not just girlfriend related either) and you are starting to question everything around you now before you move forward.

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I'm 19. Yes I started questioning my believes and started watching my mistakes. And I try to face the wrongs in me. And some things I just can't accept.

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Originally Posted by HowardKesler

i'm 19. Yes i started questioning my believes and started watching my mistakes. And i try to face the wrongs in me. And some things i just can't accept.

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Your only 19, you are still young. I'm in my early 30's and you have plenty of time, don't second guess yourself.

As far as mistakes go, I wish I would have accepted this fact when I was 5 or 6 years old. You will never be perfect. You will make mistakes. The reality is you will never learn if you don't make mistakes. How will you ever know what is correct if you don't fail first. Don't fear the mistake, accept it as a challenge to overcome.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Your only 19, you are still young. I'm in my early 30's and you have plenty of time, don't second guess yourself.

As far as mistakes go, I wish I would have accepted this fact when I was 5 or 6 years old. You will never be perfect. You will make mistakes. The reality is you will never learn if you don't make mistakes. How will you ever know what is correct if you don't fail first. Don't fear the mistake, accept it as a challenge to overcome.

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I'm trying to make a mistake a lesson. It's hard for me since I just can't accept that I'v mistaken. But still that doesn't solve the fact that I don't know what to do with my girl. I am somhow sure I'm going to miss her forever if I leave her.

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Originally Posted by HowardKesler

I'm trying to make a mistake a lesson. it's hard for me since i just can't accept that i'v mistaken.

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But we all make mistakes. Did you walk perfect the first time you tried? Did you learn to spell the first time you saw a word? No. But you never got down on yourself for it, so now that your older and you've learned to "never make a mistake" you must unlearn it.

Is there something else going on here, did you cheat on her because you come off like you are punishing yourself, and I'm not exactly sure what is driving it?

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Originally Posted by HowardKesler

But still that doesn't solve the fact that i don't know what to do with my girl. I am somhow sure i'm going to miss her forever if i leave her.

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This plays to my point that I think your life is going into a new stage but you are unsure of what that means to your relationship. It sounds like you maybe moving forward in life but not in the relationship, which is what is causing some of these confusing thoughts.

I believe all 19 year olds feel as you do uncertain, and with raging hormones. As for your girl, how long have you been together??

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Originally Posted by talaniman

I believe all 19 year olds feel as you do uncertain, and with raging hormones. As for your girl, how long have you been together???

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About six months

Is this your first girlfriend?

Hi
You've only being seeing each other 6 months, don't mean to sound rude but calm down. You don't have to decide if you want to marry her and have babies anytime soon! Although this should be the good times. Talk to your girlfriend,explain how you feel and you never know she might be able to help in some way. I think some people,from personal experience, let things snowball and become bigger than they actually are. Remember what's for you won't pass you by.

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Originally Posted by Irishgirl

Hi
You've only being seeing each other 6 months, don't mean to sound rude but calm down. You don't have to decide if you want to marry her and have babies anytime soon! Although this should be the good times. Talk to your girlfriend,explain how you feel and you never know she might be able to help in some way. I think some people,from personal experience, let things snowball and become bigger than they actually are. Remember whats for you won't pass you by.

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I haven't gone that far to think of the future(marriage and stuff lol :)) . I'm not that insane. I'm just confused like hell.

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Originally Posted by chuff

Is this your first girlfriend?

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Yeah

Don't worry about the love, and just enjoy the moments. You don't have to be in love to date someone. Seems to me you are overthinking things way too much, and not enjoying your time.

That's my report.

Carry on... :cool:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Don't worry about the love, and just enjoy the moments. You don't have to be in love to date someone. Seems to me you are overthinking things way too much, and not enjoying your time.

That's my report.

Carry on...:cool:

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Thanks that's encouraging. I am overthinking everything :(

Then quit. There are no protocols or scripts that dictate how YOU enjoy YOUR life. Just go with the flow man! It will be all right!

Carry on... :cool:

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Originally Posted by kctiger

Then quit. There are no protocols or scripts that dictate how YOU enjoy YOUR life. Just go with the flow man! It will be alright!

Carry on...:cool:

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You mean quit overthinking, right? :)

Yep...